DLUTI 225 - Reddit Stuff: Horrible Boyfriends and Quantum Physics
This week: Doug lives forever, Matt has a bad date, and Jason picks up a hitchhiker.
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1 SPEAKER_04: Don't look under the internet.
SPEAKER_03: Are you guys ready to start the next episode?
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
Okay.
Welcome to Really Chungus Podcast.
Really Chungus?
Podcast.
Chungus Y S podcast.
SPEAKER_03: Mike's not here again today.
So you get another you know, we'll we'll get better at this
without him as time goes on.
But it'll be back next week, and then he'll do it again, and then
we'll forget how to do it.
And then the next time he leaves, uh we'll make a really
awkward attempt at starting the podcast again.
Uh welcome to Don't Look Under the Internet.
Housekeeping.
Welcome.
Uh it's the Jason day-night thing.
Fuck.
God damn it.
Alright.
Alright.
SPEAKER_06: I'm sorry, I'm not making this easier.
That's Jason.
SPEAKER_00: Hello.
That's Doug.
Hi.
SPEAKER_03: And I'm Long Chungus.
SPEAKER_02: Housekeeping!
SPEAKER_03: Doug, you have something.
SPEAKER_02: I got it.
SPEAKER_01: Uh so last week we brought you some updates about
our patroon and all the fun things that come with being one
of our patrons.
Um, which is essentially the biggest thing that you get is
that you're giving us your money.
But um one other way you can do that is by supporting our merch.
Now we've had a lot of the same merch up for a while, and this
is why I'm bringing it up.
We're gonna be scaling it back, and we're gonna be making some
more like limited edition stuff, I guess is I guess the best way
to put it.
Um we have stuff, some ideas, so you'll probably see that coming.
I'm not even I'm not even gonna say when it's coming because I
can't promise anything.
We have no idea.
It will come at some time, um, but I want people to know that
it is going to be a little bit more, it's gonna be a lot more
fun than what we're what you're normally seeing from us.
It's not just gonna be like our logo or something, which is kind
of like on par for what we do typically.
Um so be on the lookout for better merch.
I was pretty proud of the mic.
I'm not knocking it.
SPEAKER_02: Um I like the mic post poster.
SPEAKER_01: I think it had two sales.
Um they were both Tory.
Basically, yeah.
Thanks, Tory.
SPEAKER_02: I hope you liked it.
SPEAKER_05: Tory.
SPEAKER_01: Um, but yeah, you'll just be on the lookout for that
because I don't know, we want to do some improvements.
So get get merged while you can, because it might not be there
anymore.
Come I don't know, put like a redacted noise here or
something.
SPEAKER_06: Editor just um uh I don't know what I'm talking
about, noise, real quick.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
Uh so yeah, that's that's our our who's our hoose coupon beat.
SPEAKER_06: Be on the lookout for Doug's butthole puzzle
boxes.
Just saying.
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
Actually, that's our hundred dollar Patreon tier.
It it unlocks access to a butthole puzzle.
SPEAKER_06: That's all it is.
It's like the Cenobites, but it's they're more anus focused
than any other entity.
SPEAKER_03: It's just fax holes again, but this time it's a
puzzle.
SPEAKER_06: And demonic.
SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah, and if you're lucky, there'll be one
golden fax hole, which will later be discussed what that
means.
SPEAKER_03: I got a golden fax hole.
I got a golden twinkle in Doug's brown eye.
Anyway, uh we did a poll recently.
A poll about the hole.
And lots of you people said you like the fucking Reddit episode,
so we're doing a fucking Reddit episode.
We like the Reddit.
Buckle up bitches, yeah.
Buckle the fuck up.
Yeah, they're fine.
Yeah, weird shit on Reddit.
That's what we're doing today.
Um, I got a few.
Who wants to start with theirs?
I got one start if you want.
Yeah, Jason, you you take it away.
I took it away last week.
SPEAKER_06: All right, cool.
I'm gonna put us in a real uh a real real gutter of a mood, I
think.
So there's a Reddit post on uh R slash creepy encounters made
about 23 hours ago as of right now.
Jesus hot off the press.
Um, and this is what it says it says I was a teen runaway
heading back home to Washington from Montana on February 25th,
1997.
I had two male companions, also teen runaways, with me.
What the fuck?
Um, and we had stopped at Quartz Flats campground slash rep stop
in Montana for a break from the drive.
It was snowing heavily as we left the rest stop.
Um goes on for a bit how this basically they thought that it
was there was nobody around, um, you couldn't see anything in any
direction.
Uh they were on an interstate called I-90, um, and they came
across a man who was carrying a child.
They didn't know how old the child was, but they just saw
that he was pregnant.
Man with child?
Yeah, he was carrying, he was carrying.
SPEAKER_03: Um how does man get pregnant and this dude he's just
he's carrying this.
SPEAKER_06: Like, I'm I'm in my head, I picture like a six or
seven-year-old kid who's just passed out from being exhausted
and the freezing cold.
They're walking literally, like there's nothing around for
miles.
And so they stop and they say, Do you need a ride?
Like, it looks like you're cold.
Like, like we'll take you to the next town.
Um, apparently, the man had curly brown hair with a devil's
lock in the front and a scar on his upper lip and chin.
Um, the boy appeared to be between two and four years of
age, wearing a blue coat, uh, red or blue warm-up pants, and
either an offset red or blue seam on the pants and light
colored boots that resembled construction boots.
The boy would not look at any of us, nor did he turn to the man
for comfort, just looked down at the floor and didn't move from
the man's lap.
I felt bad for him, thinking he must be scared of us.
That's incorrect.
That is not the instinct you need here.
Um they weren't with us very long.
Um not much conversation was had.
The guy apparently talked to the driver for a bit, but then
focused more on the uh the teen boys in the back.
And they had different conversations.
She kind of tuned it out, and eventually it led to her letting
him and the boy out at a gas station/slash rest stop.
Um, so that was apparently the end of the interaction.
Um, he went on about uh the the he was very strange.
He started to get very worked up about uh like boats.
One of the big spiels he had was if you buy a boat in Arizona,
you can get it for way cheaper because Arizona doesn't touch
any any ocean body.
And apparently that was a huge topic of conversation, very
passionate conversation while they went to the gas station.
Um, but the guy at the gas station, you know.
Hey man, you look it up, you research it, you figure
everything out about it.
This sounds like every weird guy that you just like bump into it.
I'm really happy that Matt's comment described Doug's
comment.
SPEAKER_05: That may be very comment.
SPEAKER_01: I didn't hear his comment because I was talking
over that's fine.
SPEAKER_06: That makes everything way better because I
heard it in stereo, like one in each year, and it was like a
devil and an angel.
It was great.
Um so they let this guy out and the kid at a gas station where
they went inside and they drove away.
Now, fast forward to 2017.
This individual found uh found true crime and decided that was
like something they were very interested in, found podcasts,
found uh just researched online, and it made it as they were
listening, it made reflect on 17-year-old them and the
terrible risks that uh that they took hitchhiking and picking up
hitchhikers, um all the same.
Um, there's a few disturbing rides that they can recall, but
nothing that was too out of the ordinary, just more awkward than
anything.
Um, but on a whim they googled serial killers, i-90, and
missing children.
And when they brought up the Google search results, they
found a man that apparently looked almost identical, just a
bit older, um, that had been arrested for a lot of different
things, mainly the killing and molestation of children.
And you can actually Google this man.
Uh, his name is Joseph Joseph Duncan III.
Um, and the description is pretty much fucking spot on.
It's he's it's the one of the first things you'll see if you
Google it is his uh arrest photo or his mugshot.
And uh apparently passed he passed away in 2021, but he was
put away for a lot of really fucked up shit.
Um apparently had a court a court date.
Um that was coincidentally the same day as his birthday.
Um, other than one of those records as being a court date,
there's not there's no record of him actually showing up for the
court date, but there was a warrant issued, and eventually
his uh for his arrest in 1997, and after that, the snowball
fell down the hill, and more and more war uh arrest warrants were
set out for him.
Um, and eventually he was picked up.
The story behind Joseph Duncan III, like I'm not gonna get into
it.
Um he's a terrible, terrible dude, but this is literally,
like I said, this was posted 23 fucking hours ago, and
apparently somebody made a connection where when in 1997,
when they were 17 years old, they had a run-in with a pretty
well-known serial killer that has done some horrendous,
horrendous shit in their life, and they have an actual like in
interpersonal interaction with this man and have lived to tell
the fucking tale about it.
It's fucking wild.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I hate that.
Why are people pissing me?
I know, right?
SPEAKER_03: That's pretty fucked up.
SPEAKER_06: I know, I'm so sorry.
The other the other one I have is much, much, much more.
SPEAKER_03: I like how Doug and I were like, oh, we found funny
things.
And then you were like, here's a kid raping murdered guy.
SPEAKER_06: Here's a fucking buzzkill.
No, I I I promise my next one is not nearly as fucked up as this
one, but I like I I saw this and I just I couldn't ignore it
because that is such a wild and harrowing and like recount of an
interaction that happened between somebody and a serial
killer, a well known now well-known serial killer that
happened way back in the day.
It's almost like finding like an interaction with the zodiac
killer.
SPEAKER_03: I was trying to figure out how to make the
Duncan Donuts joke because his name was Duncan, but I wasn't
really getting there.
Something about because well kids, something about munchkins?
I don't know.
SPEAKER_06: There it is.
Yeah, no, you're you're on the right path, I think.
SPEAKER_01: Unfortunately runs on Duncan, America runs on
Duncan.
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, no, it's uh and I'm my when I read this, the
the one of the things I thought about is like how many people
have stories that are similar to this that just haven't shared,
or if they have, like how buried are they?
Like, how do we find those stories?
Because I'm sure that they were shared at some point in time.
Because I don't know, if I was if I suspected that I gave a
ride to a serial killer, I'm pretty sure I'd share that in
text format somewhere, right?
Just to at least get it out of my head.
SPEAKER_03: Well, there were like so many serial killers in
like the 70s, right?
So, like, imagine imagine if there was Reddit in the 70s and
everybody like you could hear from everybody who was like, Oh,
I should get on Reddit and talk about Ted Bundy or whatever.
SPEAKER_06: Right.
And people could line their stories up and confirm their
suspicions, and then it would have saved lives, I'm sure.
But like it's just fucking wild, especially like uh some
individual and two teenage boys picking up a serial killer who
was later known for the abuse and murder of children.
Like, that's this is it's wild.
They all made it out of that.
So that's my first contribution.
I'm so sorry.
SPEAKER_01: You know what would be kind of crazy if, like, so I
saw this video on TikTok, and it was like, I don't know, I think
it was some Korean, like a piece of a Korean film where this like
girl could see these like red strands like coming out of
people's heads.
SPEAKER_06: Depending on who they slept with, right?
Right, yeah, something one.
SPEAKER_01: What if you yeah, I don't know.
Korean.
What if you could see like a little like skull above someone
who's like killed someone?
No, only you could see it.
Yeah, you just you just could see that like like if it was
just you or something, like you just saw a little skull over
their head, and you like you knew that person murdered
someone else or killed someone.
Right, yeah.
SPEAKER_03: So my question being death though, yeah.
SPEAKER_06: No, it's not kind of obviously not with life spans,
but like if you like for murder, yeah.
SPEAKER_03: Well, so my question was like the skull, does it only
appear if you murder somebody, or does it appear if you
accidentally killed it?
SPEAKER_01: If you've taken the life of someone, if if you've
got somebody dying, it doesn't, yeah, it doesn't mean like
you're a murderer.
You could have been could have been self-defense, it could have
been an accident, whatever it is, but like yeah, it still
happened, and so I'd always be so curious.
Like, I mean, you walk past hundreds of people sometimes in
a day, you know what I'm saying?
Especially me, like when I'm at a theme park, like I'm always
like, I wonder how yeah, I wonder how many of these people
here are like pieces of shit, you know.
Oh, I wonder how many people are.
What is this guy's story?
Like, yeah, like how many people have I come in contact just in
the vicinity of someone who's like planning to do some
horrific shit later, you know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_03: Like my more question is like and so this is
the thing I think about sometimes is like what if you
accidentally killed somebody and you didn't know it?
What I mean is like, what if you set some series of events in
motion that you had absolutely no idea that it killed somebody
later?
I'm thinking like what if you're what if you're at the gym and
you move something like a trash can or something, to pick
something up that fell behind it, and later somebody is on a
ladder doing maintenance, and somebody trips over the trash
can that is only where it is because you moved it, and they
hit the ladder, and then the person on the ladder falls off
and breaks her neck and dies.
Do you get a skull?
SPEAKER_01: Uh I don't know.
I don't know the rules.
I think you have to wait for season.
I don't know.
SPEAKER_06: You have to wait for season two for that, Matt.
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
Alright.
I'll go in with mine.
So this one is an Am I the Asshole post.
And um it was posted five years ago by Small Sliced Skin on
Reddit.
And the title of the post is Am I the Asshole for Leaving My
Husband in the Grocery Store because he started acting like a
toddler.
And boy, this gets even crazier than that.
So I'll just read the post.
We all go we all go through phases and pick up annoying
habits, and sometimes we just need our loved ones to gently
tell us if we've picked up a particularly egregious habit.
Sometime in the last year, my husband has picked up a habit
where he talks like a baby.
At first it was funny, but it passed into embarrassing,
fringeworthy behavior very quickly.
SPEAKER_06: Oh, that's never funny.
SPEAKER_03: Examples Doggo puffer, woofer, subwoofer,
pibble, hootie boo, who hootie boy, peepo, bird, meow meow,
sammy, sandwiches, sammy whammy, chicken nuggies, chicken
tendies, adding a toddler-esque lisp to the words, and the ones
that really get that are really gross are child euphemisms for
genitalia and sex.
I cannot emphasize this enough.
It is not endearing or six sexy to have my husband talk about my
boobies and his wiener and weenie and wee wee, hoo-haws and
bingos, nostalgia for scrubs and damn.
What the we have not had sex for six months because he cannot
stop talking about my boobies and it makes me sick.
Just before the pandemic hit, we were out at a restaurant with
some friends.
He actually ordered a chicken Sammy, like said that exact
phrase, chicky Sammy.
Look, it's totally fine that he ordered the chicken sandwich.
That's not the issue.
Our friends noticed the baby talk because he insisted on
continuing the joke and even started talking with this god
awful toddler accent.
After that, I just couldn't stomach the idea of going out
with him to adult places.
I'd go out to the brewery with friends, but God forbid he
joined me and say, Me want another beer or something.
I couldn't know where it came from.
I don't know why he's doing this.
I finally hit my limit when we were at the grocery store
shopping, and everything seemed normal and fine until he gasped
like a kid, ran to the ice cream section, and jumped up and down
yelling, Ice cream, ice cream, I want chocolate.
I was mortified.
People were staring at him and me.
He kept going and kept saying, Can we get passequas?
And I just said, either talk to me like an adult or I'm leaving.
He started saying, Oh, you must be funny at parties and lighten
up, will you?
And shit like that.
I just said, fuck it.
Left the store, leaving him to walk home because I couldn't
even look at him.
Since then, things have been very tense, and he keeps telling
me that he wants an apology for embarrassing him by leaving him
in the store.
I told him that people don't get to to demand apologies.
If someone wants to apologize, it's up to them, and I'm
absolutely not going to apologize for saving myself from
the embarrassment of a 35-year-old man with a mortgage
and retirement account asking for taco ice cream.
He got his fucking mom involved.
No jokes.
She keeps telling me it's just a phase and he's probably bored,
and I should be happy that this is his midlife crisis rather
than him fucking 19-year-olds at the local bar.
Am I going crazy?
Do I really just need to let my husband continuously embarrass
me like this?
Now.
No, what the fuck?
Now, the replies.
People start trying to offer theories as to what's going on
here.
Doug's already heard this story, so he knows.
Jason, what do you think the th what's your theory?
SPEAKER_06: Either this is a weird form of spongiform
encephalitis, or this man wants a fucking literal pacifier
diaper and bib, and he wants like the mommy treatment.
SPEAKER_03: Well, we get a lot of theories from people.
They they include brain tumors.
Um fetishes.
Yeah, it's a f it's a fetish.
Um eventually it is people convince him convince this woman
to sit down with her husband and talk to him about seeing a
doctor because he literally will not stop doing it, and she
thinks he's having some sort of either psychological break or
has like a brain tumor or something.
Or whatever.
So this is the update.
This is the update.
Well, here I am with the update.
I talked to my husband after doing some soul searching.
There was no tumor, no kink, no childhood trauma.
I asked him first if he understands why I'm upset, and
to please please clarify if he was doing this on purpose or if
we needed to seek medical intervention.
He didn't want to tell me at first and I got worried.
He eventually caved when I suggested that we look for a
doctor because of how worried I am.
It was it turns out it was a bet with one of his friends that
started as them trying to embarrass each other in public.
He bet my husband that he couldn't keep it up for the
whole year.
The only off-limits part was at work because he couldn't
jeopardize his career.
No, he decided to jeopardize his marriage instead.
For what prize?
What was he going to win?
A signed baseball.
A baseball.
I thought he was still joking, no, but he was dead serious.
How was the friend verifying?
My husband would share little videos that he took here and
there of him upsetting me with the baby talk, including times
that he tried to initiate sex with me by whispering his baby
talk in my ear.
And by seeing us in public, like at the brewery, he got cross
with me in the grocery store because I interrupted the
recording and almost blew the whole operation.
He wasn't remorseful or apologetic.
He thought that we were both in on his little joke and that I'd
find it his.
Hysterical.
I asked him, did he understand that we haven't had sex in
months?
No, it didn't matter to him.
It was all worth it to him.
He kept saying, You just don't get it.
It's not just a baseball.
I told him the joke it was over and it was time to stop
recognizing.
SPEAKER_05: Yes, it is.
SPEAKER_03: But that I was willing to move on with him.
I could I said I could forgive him.
No, he wanted to keep going.
He said there's only two months left in the bet, and he's so
close.
He said anyway, the I won't read the rest of the post, but the
long and short of it is he would not budge on it, and she
divorced him.
SPEAKER_00: Oh man.
SPEAKER_03: All for a baseball.
Now here's my here's my question though.
SPEAKER_02: So the original post is am I the asshole?
SPEAKER_03: Do you think she should have left him?
That's my question.
He's the asshole.
This is an asshole thing to do.
Oh, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, definitely she's not the asshole.
But I definitely think this dude has a lot of his priorities in
the wrong spot.
Yes.
SPEAKER_03: I have to believe that this isn't the only issue.
Because I feel like if this was literally the only thing, even
though this is a big thing, and like it's weird.
SPEAKER_06: It's real fucking weird.
SPEAKER_03: This is it, this is a horrible thing to put your
partner through with no explanation for what I think.
With no concept, was apparently ten months.
Apparently ten months of this.
SPEAKER_00: How do you put up with that?
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
I'm amazed that she got this far into it without having some sort
of intervention.
How do you make it ten months into this and not say I don't
know that I could make it a week of this without saying like we
gotta do something?
SPEAKER_01: I'm not doing it home anymore.
How do they even know if he's doing it at home, though?
You know what I'm saying?
Huh?
Well, this account, apparently.
Because like I was thinking about that when I heard the
first time, I'm like, why didn't he just tell his wife, like,
hey, I'm doing this bet for this thing, and I have to do this
shit in public?
Everyone's who's recording.
SPEAKER_03: Well, he's a well, right, his friend is holding him
accountable, and he he's recording videos of him doing
this to his wife at home and sending them to his friend.
SPEAKER_00: Right.
Oh, yeah.
Right, right.
Right, absolutely.
SPEAKER_03: But what I would do in this situation is basically
what Doug is is suggesting, and tell my wife and be like, I'm
gonna record videos, and you just have to pretend to be
really upset by this.
SPEAKER_06: Just go with it.
Yeah, like just yeah.
SPEAKER_03: Why why that you wouldn't do that is beyond me.
unknown: Right.
SPEAKER_03: Right.
SPEAKER_06: That's okay, divorce, divorce because of
stupidity.
Yes, 100%.
Like seeing somebody recognize a situation and go, I'm gonna
choose the worst possible way to go about this.
That is worth the divorce for sure.
But like the I but yes, no context, baby voice for for me
for a week.
I'm like, yeah, I'm done, man.
SPEAKER_03: I I'd be annoyed after a day of it, after the
second day.
Oh something I would know something was up.
SPEAKER_06: Like stars aligned, right?
Like if it was framed as a like, I've got a bunch of these
different like traumas going on in my life, or like there's
something going on at home, or like it with my family.
Like, if there were a bunch of allowances to give, I think a
month is about what I could do.
I don't know.
But if it was just normal, like this is just a yeah, there's
absolutely fucking Tuesday and you decide to start talking to
me like a baby, like I'm out, I'm done, I'm out.
SPEAKER_03: There's no way in hell it would take me 10 months
to reach the place where I'm making a Reddit post of it.
Right! Asking for assistance.
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, she's a saint for that one.
Yeah.
A saint or a fucking idiot?
Like what are you like what?
SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
This is a wild one though.
Yeah, that one that one's not really crazy.
SPEAKER_06: That gave me a visceral reaction.
Like that made me so physically upset.
SPEAKER_00: It's um Bro, what are you doing?
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
My other ones are well, I have one that's fairly short.
Where are we at on time?
30 minutes.
Alright, Jason, do you have another one?
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, I've got another one, and then this one's
way like this is more loose form than anything.
It's more of a sub it's a Reddit in hole, I guess.
Um, that I think you guys will appreciate a lot.
Um so I was I was looking for um I had the the serial killer one,
and I decided, you know what, maybe I'll bring some light in
life to everyone's life instead of just sadness and despair.
Um, so I found R worst inventions, which is a lot of
it's it's a ton of fun.
Um, it's it's a lot of really old inventions, like industrial
revolutionary uh era, where like steam power was first realized,
and there's a lot of schematics with what you can do with that.
Um, one of the first things you'll see when you go through
r/slash worst inventions is a schematic for a steam-powered
child beating machine.
Yep.
It is uh it's written in it looks like Italian with a bunch
of footnotes, but it does give you the diagram of how it works
with the hot coals and the levers that happen as the steam
operates the the uh the switches that go up and down, and they
you don't have to lay a hand on your children, you can just let
this machine beat them for you.
Yeah, oh yeah, you tie them to these stone chairs, like it's
you know, perfectly fine.
Um yeah, that's one of the things you'll see on these this
worst inventions.
One of my other I I laughed for a solid two minutes when I saw
this.
It's called the Safety Conscious Sea Going Passenger, and it's an
invention from 1873, and it seems like a reinforced barrel
that has a tiny fucking hammock inside of it and a candle.
So if you you know are on a boat and it sinks and then also get
attacked by a whale, uh, you're fine.
You're just in a barrel.
You just you wear it the whole time that you're on the cruise,
you put your arms in there, your legs stick out the bottom, and
if you're in danger of water happening, you just suck your
head and your legs into the top and the bottom, respectively.
You seal them shut, and you don't move for days.
It's perfect.
No air, no nothing.
It's great.
Um, so what else is there?
Um, there's submarine guns where somebody decided they whenever
I'm I'm guessing this is when the submarine came out, they
decided to devise a way to put a cannon inside a submarine, which
I don't understand why that would be a thing.
Um, but here we are.
Cannon inside a submarine.
SPEAKER_03: It seems like that could backfire literally in a
lot of ways.
SPEAKER_06: Literally, that's what I'm saying.
Like, why why this is again it's a it's a drawing, it's a
diagram, which means somebody went through the fucking efforts
of trying to make it make sense.
And like I I can even see the little hatch to to block the
water.
It's like it's too much thought went into something that was
never meant to do that.
Okay, I don't need to get buried in this because I have a lot of
questions about the campus subreddit.
Matt, you would have a field day on the subreddit.
I mean, obviously, like the shake weights in here.
Um, and there's also a bunch of weird videos of inventions that
will leave you more handicapped than when you started, like the
weirdest inventions that will leave you toothless.
Um there's a uh there's an overview of you uh useless
inventions, and one of those that's touched on is the uh it's
it's basically a giant vibrating tube that you stick between your
boobs while you sleep to keep your metabolism active all
night.
unknown: Okay.
SPEAKER_06: Is that does that make sense to everyone here?
We all on board with that.
SPEAKER_03: It's titty shake week kind of pretty much where
it's like those uh those machines from like the 80s where
they had there was like a belt and you would like sit in it and
they would just shake you violently.
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, but it would just vibrate the shit out of you
because that's what people thought kept your immediate like
your metabolism going.
Right, yeah.
But that uh there was no sense.
SPEAKER_01: That makes so much sense now.
I I was literally watching an episode of X-Files and it was it
like obviously it's like early 90s, uh well, mid-90s, whatever
you want to call it.
Um, but there's a part where they're like getting a hotel
room and Scully gets on the bed and like puts the quarter in the
fucking thing, and the whole bed starts shaking.
And I was like, damn, I haven't seen one of those in ages.
SPEAKER_06: Oh, yeah.
I mean, they're supposed to be very relaxing, but also like
that's such a like why is it?
I feel like I'd be really annoyed.
I'd be scrolled across lay still Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump
booty shorts.
Skin colored, their skin.
Let me be let me be very specific here.
It is their skin colored booty shorts.
So Trumps is like shit stained on the back, or like shit stain
orange and like wildly unhealthy red-ish, and Vladimir Putin's
more like a grayish brown because he's pasty and a piece
of shit.
Oh, look at this.
It's a it's an ultrasound pickle cutting knife.
Look at that.
That's great.
For only a hundred bucks, you can buy a champagne opener.
Hell yeah.
Solid.
Yeah.
This is so if you ever if you just if you need some time to
realize that you're doing life much, much more better than
everyone around you who's buying this fucking bullshit.
Um, yeah, visit r slash worst inventions because it's it's
kind of hilarious because a lot of these things actually made a
lot of sales, such as the pizza pouch, which is a laminated
plastic pouch for pizza at events.
SPEAKER_01: Question I love the pizza pouch.
You gotta for one slice.
That's it.
You gotta have it ready to go right on your neck.
But it's only one slice.
SPEAKER_03: That's what the pouch and the hood, your
hoodie's for, right?
SPEAKER_06: You just well, that's why jeans.
Spaghetti pouch, actually.
Well, yeah, okay.
Actually, yeah, there's a hierarchy though.
There's baked beans, there's spaghetti, and there's pizza.
And it depends on if you have all three, there's a whole
hierarchy of where it goes.
That should be a whole bonus episode.
SPEAKER_01: Beans are pockets, pizza is pouch, spaghetti is
hoodie pouch.
SPEAKER_03: What's that little?
SPEAKER_06: I would say it's pizza if you have the other two,
pizza's fanny pack.
SPEAKER_03: What's that little smaller pocket inside your jeans
pocket for?
SPEAKER_06: Then oh, the one that's for like lighters, I
think.
SPEAKER_01: Uh that's for a single MM.
SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay.
That makes sense.
It's gonna melt.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
SPEAKER_02: I like out of all the foods.
SPEAKER_03: All the foods that was the one I took in.
It's gonna melt.
SPEAKER_00: You're like, ew, dude.
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, everything that we just said is fine.
But the singular MM in somebody's jeans is like, oh
fuck.
SPEAKER_01: Grouch.
You gotta dig it out fucking with like a pinky, it's so
small, you know.
SPEAKER_06: Fucking oh my god.
Alright.
SPEAKER_01: I like it.
SPEAKER_06: All of mine, that's all I got.
It's a collection of fucking stupid bullshit.
What's up, Matt?
SPEAKER_03: All of mine have a theme, and it's basically just
men ruining their girlfriends' lives.
Um I got I got one I'll keep for the end because it's iconic.
And then I I will read this one.
Alright, it's a Today I fucked up post 11 years ago by not no
potato.
Today I fucked up by enraging the parents of my girlfriend by
pretending not to know what a potato is.
Let me tell you that I have made a bad mistake this evening.
My girlfriend said I am invited to dinner with her and her
parents.
I was very aghast, nervous and bashful to be invited to such a
situation, but I knew it must be done.
For uh first off, this person is all obviously not a native
English speaker.
It's not bad, but the way they write things.
Anyway, I met them nicely, I should tell you, and it started
off in a good way.
The idea slapped my mind that I should do a comic bit to make a
good impression and become known to them as a person who was
amusing.
When I saw that baked potatoes were served, I got the idea that
it would be very good if I pretended I did not know what
potatoes was.
That would be funny.
Well let me tell you, backfired on my face.
I'll tell you how.
So first, when the potato became on my plate, I acted very
interesting.
I showed an expression on my face so as to seem that I was
confused, astounded, but in a restrained way, curious and
interested.
They did notice, and seemed confused, but did not remark.
So I asked, This looks very interesting.
What is this?
They stared at me, and the mother said, It's a baked
potato, and I was saying, Oh, interesting.
A baked what was it again?
And she was all like a potato, and I was like, A potato?
Oh, interesting.
Never heard of a potato.
Looks pretty good.
And then they didn't see I was clowning, but they thought I
really did not know what is a potato.
So I knew I would be very ashamed, humiliated, depressed,
and disgusted if I admitted to making a bad joke.
So what I did was to act as if it was not a joke, but I
committed to the act of pretending I didn't know what a
potato is.
They asked me, very incredulous, did I really not know what a
potato is?
That I never heard of a potato?
I went with it and told them yes, I did not ever even hear of
a potato.
Not only had I never eaten a potato, I had never heard the
word potato.
This went on for a bit, and my girlfriend was acting very
confused and embarrassed by my fucked up antics.
And then the more insistent I was about not knowing what a
potato is was, then when parents starting thinking I did not know
what I did know what a potato was.
Well, let me tell you, I had to commit 100% at this point when I
would not admit to knowing what a potato was.
The father especially began to get annoyed.
At one point, he said something like, Enough is enough.
You're fucking with us.
Admit it.
And I said, Sir, before today, I never heard of a potato.
I still don't know what a potato is, other than some kind of
food.
I don't know what to tell you.
Well, let me tell you, he got very annoyed.
I decided to take a bite of the potato, and when I did, I made a
high-pitched noise and said, Tastes very strange.
That is when the father started yelling at me, and the mother
kept saying, What are you doing?
And my girlfriend went to some other room.
Finally, the father said, I should get the fuck out of his
house.
And I said, It was irrational to treat me like this just because
I never heard of a potato before.
Well, let me tell you, he didn't take that kindly.
Now in text messages, I have been telling my girlfriend I
really don't know what a potato is.
The only way I can never get out of this is for them to buy that
I don't know what a potato is.
I wish I never started it, but I can't go back.
I think she'll break up with me.
SPEAKER_06: If you ever wanted to know the difference between
men and women, I think it's dedication to stupid shit.
Like that.
SPEAKER_01: What the fuck?
Yeah, so that's solid.
That's a classic one.
I've I've also heard that one before.
SPEAKER_03: It's pretty good.
It's it wouldn't be that great if it wasn't written the way
it's written.
Correct.
Correct.
SPEAKER_00: Uh who was phoned?
Was there an update?
SPEAKER_03: Alright, Doug.
It is with yours.
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so I have uh less of a post.
I am gonna read one post just because I think it uh
encompasses a good topic of discussion.
But I was kind of going down some rabbit holes and I came
across a subreddit uh called R slash Quantum Immortality.
Hell yeah.
Are you guys familiar with quantum immortality?
I've stumbled upon that, Matt.
Matt, do you know what I'm talking about?
SPEAKER_03: Uh it sounds familiar, and I but I don't
remember what it is.
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so I'm sure everyone listening wants to know
as well.
So uh I'm gonna say a bunch of words, and if you choose to
understand what I say, that's fine.
Um, so quantum immortality is a theoretical concept uh
suggesting that concise beings always survive life-threatening
quantum-based events.
And if you don't know what a quantum-based event is, it is a
physical occurrence at the atomic or subatomic scale that
violates classical physics law, often involving wave function,
atomic or subatomic uh sorry, wave function collapse,
superposition, or tunneling.
These events are intrinsically probabilistic, discrete, and
mark a fundamental change, such as an electron orbital shift,
photon absorption, or particle emission.
SPEAKER_05: Um yeah, yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
So um, so I'm gonna reread this other part.
So basically, this concept is that a conscious being always
survives a life-threatening quantum-based event, um,
ensuring their personal consciousness continues
indefinitely in some, if not all, branching parallel
universes.
Uh, it's a thought experiments based on the many worlds
interpretation of quantum mechanics, and it's often linked
with the idea of quantum suicide, um, which I will go
over in a minute.
So, this was popularized by a physicist named Max Tegmark, um,
which he built off the W or MWI model.
Probably not.
Um he's just a theory.
I don't know how that's stupid.
Um, so, anyways, uh basically isn't real.
You're probably right, actually.
Um, but this suggests that every quantum event branches into uh
branches reality into multiple universes.
Um, if an individual faces a lethal situation triggered by a
quantum event, um the universe splits.
One branch results in death while the other allows for
survival.
Uh, because the observer cannot experience their own death,
their consciousness only continues into the universe
where they survive.
Um, the theory suggests that regardless of how low the
probability, a version of you will always exist to experience
survival, leading to a form of subject immortality.
Um, now this plays on the quantum suicide uh theory, which
is a thought experiment that proposes that under the many
worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics, a person performing a
fatal experiment will always survive from their own
perspective.
Because the universe splits into branches where they die and
others where they live, the observer's conscious will
continuously be in these in their surviving timeline, um,
creating a subject experience of quantum immortality.
SPEAKER_03: That's a wild idea.
This is okay.
This is wild.
I didn't know this.
I didn't know this, but I love this idea.
SPEAKER_05: I isn't it so crazy?
It's just fucking amazing.
SPEAKER_03: It's basically saying that if this theory is
true, you cannot experience death.
It is impossible for you to do it.
SPEAKER_06: Because you always exist in the yes, you always
follow the choice timeline where you survive because that's the
only state where your consciousness can exist.
That's so good.
SPEAKER_01: This is where the Reddit's gonna get kind of
crazy.
So let me finish this part, and then I'm gonna read some reddit
for the first time.
This is so cool.
And no, I know it it's I love it.
It's this I was I was reading this for like literally like two
hours the other day.
Keep talking.
So um, so this this theory does not suggest that the physical
body lasts forever, but rather that a conscious living version
of that person exists always somewhere.
Keep that in mind.
That's that's crazy.
Oh so think of that possibility while I finish this out.
Okay, so many scientists view this as a philosophical, not
practical, implication of quantum mechanics rather than
like a testable scientific theory.
Obviously, it's pretty out there.
Um, but it does raise questions about the like nature of your
consciousness and whether it might be forced to endure
extremely old, frail, or torturous life states.
Um, and the concept is highly debated and often considered uh
kind of like a farce in the theoretical world.
Um, so that being said, if you go to slash r quantum
immortality, there's some pretty fun posts.
You see a lot of posts where it's like, oh, I almost died.
Now I feel weird, and like there's different Different
things now.
I feel like I'm seeing things that like it kind of actually
blends into um fuck what's the word I'm looking at the Mandela
effect where you went into this new reality where like things
are just slightly different and like other people are realizing
it too, which might mean that's like other people are connected
from a reality you came from before.
That's a whole other thing.
SPEAKER_03: So did I almost die in 2016?
SPEAKER_01: Yep, you probably did die.
Probably is the the whole point.
Um, so I'm gonna read this post and then we can have our
discussion because I know you guys want to fucking just start
with.
God, there's so much to talk about.
Okay, so this post says uh degenerative disease and dying
of old age.
Those are the two things that kind of fuck this these two
things kind of fuck me up with this whole situation and makes
me like feel icky.
But anyways, so it says the theory of quantum immortality is
easily understandable when we think about death by accident,
but pushed to its logical conclusion, it would always end
in a sort of hellish, never-ending situation.
Take for example, someone who is sick with a degenerative
disease, the disease would slowly physically degrade the
person to the point where their body just shuts down one day.
This results in death.
The consciousness of that person then goes into a timeline where
this particular instant, the body is still capable of
sustaining life, even if it's just for another minute or even
just a few seconds.
Eventually, the person dies again due to the degenerative
illness, soon to be alive again in the same situation.
The cycle would then go on and on, and every time the amount of
time between death and resurrection would generally be
diminished until one day there wouldn't be enough time in
between for the consciousness to experience anything.
But how long the cycle of death and rebirth could be going on
before both events would finally collide, infinity, I guess we
suppose the death of that person would appear as a very definite
moment in time for an outside observer, but for the person
experiencing it, it would be an endless cycle of being awakened
into another timeline forever at a rate so fast that that person
would be trapped in this process with absolutely no way
whatsoever to escape this hellhole because not even death
itself could free him.
Same things goes for dying of old age, and then they say edit
one grammar, sorry, edit two.
I stumbled on a video explaining this a little bit better, and
then they link a YouTube video, and then yeah, so this is like
being born every nanosecond and feeling every emotion that comes
with that.
SPEAKER_03: I don't think you would be born every nanosecond
because you would never experience you as yourself would
never experience the reality in which you don't exist, and so it
would be a continuous stream to you.
You would just degrade to the point where you live this
hellish existence where you're still conscious but unw unable
to do anything.
SPEAKER_01: So I get the the I get their example of like it
going into another body that's about to die, but like what if
one of those universes, the body recovers?
SPEAKER_03: My understanding of how this works is that every
time something happens, there is a a s there's a possibility
where it didn't happen.
And so that splits the timeline, and so now there are two
parallel running timelines wherein one one thing happened
and one the other thing didn't happen.
But the thing is, like, what if it's not physically possible for
you to not die?
SPEAKER_06: So right, yeah, that's the and that's also I'll
be Mike about this, honestly.
We gotta bring some Mike to this episode.
Um Mike actually tuned me into this this concept, which is so
for like multiverse theory, where every time a decision is
made, a new universe where the opposite decision is also made
is just created, right?
And that's like yes, that's a self-containing theory that we
can analyze and discuss all we want.
However, in that theory, that means you could have an instance
where multiverse theory doesn't exist.
Right?
SPEAKER_02: Which means none of it exists.
SPEAKER_03: Because it's not it's not a thing because you're
thinking about it in the way that but that's a possibility.
No, but you're thinking about things infinite No no no no
Because you're thinking about things as a matter of your
perception of what a thing is.
A thing happening or a thing not happening is not there is no
actual thing happening there.
It's just your perception of the path that the universe is moving
in.
And so this really comes down to entropy because like everything
everything that's different in one universe is different in
another universe because atoms moved in a different way, and
there's some there has to be some sort of difference in the
entropy of each universe that is just causing atoms and things to
shift around in a slightly different way.
It's like the big the big bang, right?
Like everything that we're experiencing is just a result of
this domino effect that is created by some gigantic release
of energy billions of years ago or trillions of years ago or
whatever.
And so there is no real solid concept of this is a thing that
happened, this is a thing that didn't happen.
It's more just things are matter is moving slightly differently.
Like like like a thing happening, you getting hit by a
car is not a quantum like a qubit.
It is it it is a result of multiple forces.
You get it, you get what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_02: Right.
I no, I see what you're saying.
SPEAKER_01: Because I don't know how like how all these different
like theories play into this specific instance of quantum
immortality.
So it says the guy is responding to a person's post about uh them
being in a car wreck and he feels like he died, and he's
realizing that like he's feeling very disconnected and like
disassociating and stuff a lot now, and that like there's
subtle differences in his timeline and stuff, and this guy
kind of like checks him a little bit, but he goes, If quantum
immortality is real, which it probably is not, it is due to
the constant branching of the universe known as deco uh
decoherence, where your consciousness can only follow a
branch in which you are able to have a conscious experience,
i.e., ones where you are not dead.
Um to give you a visual, imagine your life in it is a trail going
through the woods where every decision you make, every chance
encounter, every near-death experience is a fork in the
trail.
In the case of near-death experiences, let's imagine the
left fork leads to instant death and the right leads to
surviving.
At the point where the two paths diverge, the universe splits
into two separate universes where both outcomes play out.
You'd only have a conscious experience and if you in a
universe where you are conscious, so you always
experience yourself taking the right fork that leads to
survival.
Um, you you do not take the left fork approach death and then
magically get transported to a completely different trail in a
different forest where you are alive.
Your entire past before reaching the fork is still the same.
You never experience the switch of timelines because your
timelines never switch.
And I think with that being said, you're never going to be
in this new reality, so to say, where like things are just
wildly different.
SPEAKER_03: Your brain's always going to be in a version of the
current perceiving it as a constant timeline, yeah.
SPEAKER_06: Right.
You don't you don't see the difference where you made the
decision of like I'm gonna touch this live wire or not.
You don't even see the part where you touched it and died.
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, these splits would be the right choice in the
other one.
This would never have any effect on your life, other than if it's
if this is true, you're just gonna live until your brain
degenerates to the point where it can't experience
consciousness.
SPEAKER_06: Like that means when you're done experiencing
consciousness, that means all versions of you are done
experiencing consciousness.
SPEAKER_03: Well, maybe not, because maybe the other version,
maybe some version of you ended up in a place where they can
just regenerate brain and body.
SPEAKER_06: But wouldn't you experience it?
SPEAKER_01: I think that's a different theory though.
So like there's probably conscience, like so, like
imagine like when we talk about the degenerative and like uh
like old age one.
Um obviously you can't really do much about old age, but there's
probably there's probably like a a multiverse or whatever you
want to call it, like a different dimension or whatever,
where you're like somehow they have a cure for aging, but like
you might never reach that one on the quantum immortality path.
That would have to be like a whole separate no, it's not
quantum.
SPEAKER_03: That's not a different thing.
I don't think it is a different theory because I think what
they're saying with the thing where you age until you can't
experience reality anymore is like Imagine you get to old age
and you die, you have a heart attack or whatever.
There's some there is some possible scenario where because
because you dying is not just a product of old age, it's a
product of also the circumstances.
Like your final heart attack that kills you or whatever is
not just because you reached a s a specific point in time and
your your heart just shut off.
It's it's also what you ate that day.
Did you have too much sodium?
Did you have a beer?
Did you what pressure, like what altitude are you at?
So like you like the pre the ambient air pressure to has some
effect on whether your heart can beat hard enough to push your
blood or not.
So like that would have an effect on it.
Everything is like an it's like a compound of like all these
different forces.
And so there's some reality where one of those things is
slightly different to the point where you could look live even
30 seconds longer.
And so you would experience you're gonna experience the
reality where you live that 30 seconds longer, and then when
that next heart attack comes, you're gonna experience the
reality where you live the next 30 seconds.
SPEAKER_06: But the thing the issue I take there's already
evidence of the fact that that like when we uh when our brains
are operating at uh our most critical levels where we're
thinking about things that like matter to us, there's evidence
that our brains actually access higher dimensions than just like
the four we're fucking used to.
You know what I mean?
The four dimensions we're used to are what length, width,
depth, and then time.
So those are the four that we can get through with.
Our brains apparently operate on much higher dimensions than
that, and that makes sense when it comes to things when it like
uh when you take mushrooms and it dissolves your dream barrier,
and so when you're awake, you can see things that are not
actually there.
That doesn't make sense on like a physical level, unless your
brain was able to do things outside of what physics says are
possible.
Does that make sense?
Right.
And so if you're taking that approach for your brain being
able to operate on these levels of dimensions that we just can't
comprehend, some of that does make sense because it it's
explained away by we can't explain it, which sucks.
It's a fucking stupid explanation, and I I I realize
that, but I also understand that if me, someone who only
understands things in four dimensions, if I'm trying to
look at something that is 12 dimensions, there's no fucking
way I'll be able to like tell that to someone, you know what I
mean?
I don't know.
I feel like our brains are our closest ally, but also our worst
fucking enemy.
SPEAKER_01: Well, that was interesting.
That was fun though.
I know I read a lot of random stories about people's like
experience with it and like how they feel now and all this other
stuff, and like it's really funny because like if this isn't
true, which obviously who knows, but like there's just like sad
people that like almost died, and now they're like, What
happened, man?
I'm living forever.
Actually, one was really sad, and I I didn't want to read it,
but I'll briefly bring it up.
But uh, someone who tried to commit suicide, yeah, that's a
downer.
SPEAKER_06: Dude, yeah, but also like it's it's a fucking
enlightening, harrowing experience.
Like it's it's I'm glad they're not actually dead, but if they
do think they are dead neurologically, I don't like
what's the difference, I guess.
And it's just it's all of this is such a wild set of concepts.
SPEAKER_03: Do they think they're a glass of orange juice?
SPEAKER_06: Where's the time?
I think it starts when we start convincing them that they are a
glass of orange juice.
I think that's where that timeline starts.
SPEAKER_03: Uh all right, all right.
So I got one final one that and I've probably I've maybe brought
this up before, but this is such a Reddit classic, and it goes
perfectly in on theme with my other two, and so I've just got
to bring it up.
I'm not gonna read the whole post.
SPEAKER_01: Is it poop knife?
SPEAKER_03: No, it's not swamps of dagoba, and it's not I broke
both my arms either.
But what it is is today I fucked up a post three years ago by a
guy named Tyler Life.
Today I fucked up my 20 uh female girlfriend of two years
told me the music that I, 25 male, play during sex is weird
and a major turn off.
And like I said, I'm not gonna read this whole post.
It's deleted now.
I love this one.
What it comes down to is there's this song called C Bat, C B A T
by Hudson Mohawk.
And this guy I'm just gonna play a clip of it.
Copyright be damned, please, and hope for the best.
But um basically, what it is is this song that people in the
comments described as sounding like dolphins having sex.
And that is kind of what it sounds like.
Um, it's like this weird techno.
Like I said, I'll just play a clip of it.
SPEAKER_01: But anyway, this guy unironically, Mike likes the
song.
SPEAKER_03: I th it's not that bad.
Oh, yeah.
No, that tracks.
That makes so much.
For like a year.
This was my top Spotify song on Spotify two years ago.
Because I okay, for people not in the Discord, my girlfriend
just said this was your top song on Spotify like two years ago.
Yes, it was, because I made a playlist that was just a hundred
copies of this song and set it as my playlist for all my
alarms.
SPEAKER_04: Every time I woke up for a year, it was just
boot-doo, whit doo.
SPEAKER_03: But anyway, I haven't even gotten to the post
yet.
The point is please this song, this song was on what this guy
wanted to have sex with this song so much that he insisted
that they do it like every time, and she fucking hated the song.
And it got to the point where she finally convinced him they
had to break up because she finally convinced him to stop
listening to the song during sex, and even then, when they
would have sex, she could tell that he was like thrusting to
the rhythm of the song.
The beat.
Yeah, she couldn't do it anymore, and that that's it.
And once you hear the song, you'll understand why this is
funny.
But anyhow, maybe I brought this up on an episode at some point
before, but if I haven't, now I have.
SPEAKER_06: All I'm hearing, I think you might have, but either
way, it's still very all I'm hearing is macaroni chakrarone
by El Moodle.
Look at it with just some man-ass thrusting in the
background.
SPEAKER_03: The vibe of the original post was like, I don't
understand what her problem is, and everybody in the comments is
just like, what is wrong with you?
What the hell is your deal?
A question I'd like the answer to, Matt.
That's that's my that's my final send-off.
Uh Jason, what do you got for the people?
SPEAKER_06: Um, as always, stay fucking paranoid.
Um, you may be giving a ride to a serial killer who enjoys your
teenage passengers way too much.
So please, for the love of God, if you're in the middle of
nowhere and you see a dangerous situation, tell someone for the
love of fucking god.
That's it.
SPEAKER_02: Talk to more.
SPEAKER_01: But somehow, all of the events in your life that
you've ever chosen to do, up until a mere hour ago, led you
here.
If you keep soliciting the duty, you will survive.
SPEAKER_06: Apparently.
SPEAKER_01: Remember, kids, do whatever you want, you live
forever.
SPEAKER_03: Thanks, ma'am.
Um and I had a news story I was gonna put here, but it was
rejected.