Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar - The Laird Douglas Douglas of Heatherscote Matter - Ep 1
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Speaker 1: From Hollywood, it's time now for.
Speaker 2: Johnny Duller.
Speaker 3: This is Harry Branson at Philadelphia Mutual Liability and Casualty Company.
Speaker 2: Oh, hi, Harry. What's on your mind?
Speaker 4: I have a case for you, a very important one.
Speaker 2: Good. Tell me about it.
Speaker 4: John, did you ever hear of Laird Douglas Douglas of Hetherscote?
Speaker 2: Lord, who... Say that slowly, will you?
Speaker 4: Laird Douglas Douglas of Hetherscote.
Speaker 2: Sorry, I left my kilts and bagpipes on the other
side of the drink.
Speaker 3: Oh.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm feeling real sharp this morning. But what about
this Laird Douglas Douglas something or other?
Speaker 4: Can you come down here to Philadelphia and see me?
Speaker 2: I hate to be so blunt about it, old boy,
but what's in it for me?
Speaker 4: A nice retainer fee in any event.
Speaker 2: Well, good.
Speaker 3: And, of course, expenses and your regular commission if anything
happens to Laird Douglas Douglas.
Speaker 2: I've had this card.
Speaker 4: Why, yes.
Speaker 2: Okay, Harry, I'm on my way.
Speaker 4: Oh, John.
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Come down by plane, will you? The first one you
can get.
Speaker 2: Urgent, huh?
Speaker 4: Yes, John. Very.
Speaker 1: Tonight, and every weekday night, Bob Bailey and the transcribed
adventures of the man with the action-packed expense account, America's
fabulous freelance insurance investigator.
Speaker 2: Yours truly, Johnny Dollar. Expense account submitted by Special Investigator
Johnny Dollar. to Harry Branson at the Philadelphia Mutual Liability
and Casualty Company, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Following is an accounting of
expenditures incurred during my investigation of the Laird Douglas Douglas
of Hethiscote matter, whoever Laird Douglas Douglas is, and whether
investigation is the proper term at this point, who knows.
In any event, well... Expense account item 1, 2250, Air
Transportation and Miscellaneous, Hartford to New York to Philadelphia. For
a change, I decided to stay at the Benjamin Franklin.
Not only because it was convenient to Harry Branson's office
on Walnut Street, that is the office of filling mutual
liability and casualty, but because I'd heard it was a
nice hotel. It was. And it was convenient to everything
else in the center of town. Theaters, good restaurants, nice stores,
even a nightclub. Well, anyhow, when I got to my room,
I found a half dozen urgent messages that Harry had called.
Pretty good indication that his lordship, Douglas Douglas, or at
least his case, was pretty important. So instead of bothering
to unpack, I had the bellboy dump my luggage, tipped him,
and was standing there debating whether I'd better forego a
quick shower and change of clothes when the phone rang.
Johnny Dollar.
Speaker 4: John, didn't you get my messages? Why haven't you called?
I've been waiting to hear from you. What's wrong?
Speaker 2: Hey, take it easy, Harry. I just this minute got in.
Speaker 4: Oh. Well, I hope you're coming right on over here
to my office.
Speaker 2: What's the matter? Something happen to this client of yours?
Speaker 4: No, not yet.
Speaker 2: But being you, you're expecting the worst, huh? And look,
you still haven't told me a thing about this emergency
or whatever you want to call it.
Speaker 3: John, it is an emergency because of the time element.
You see, why do we waste time on the phone?
Speaker 2: Well, this was your call, not mine.
Speaker 4: All right, all right, I'm sorry. I'll be waiting for you.
Speaker 2: And Harry, I'll be there. Still knowing nothing whatsoever about
what was going on, I decided I'd better be prepared
for anything. So I slipped a. 38 colt out of
my bag and took it along. Expense account item two,
65 cents, cab fare. I've said it before when I
handled the Amerigo case for him. Harry Branson is a
good insurance man, but a worrywart. So I kind of
hoped he was making the usual mountain out of the
usual molehill this time. However, when my cab pulled up
in front of his office building, he was standing waiting
on the sidewalk out front. Here you are. Keep the change.
Speaker 1: Thank you, sir.
Speaker 4: Thank you.
Speaker 3: John, John, what took you so long?
Speaker 2: Huh?
Speaker 3: Thank goodness you're here.
Speaker 2: Harry, what are you doing out here? Lose your office
or just forget the key?
Speaker 3: I almost wish I had. John, we have a problem,
a serious one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, with Laird Douglas, Douglas of, uh.
Speaker 3: Heather's coat, Heather's coat. He's up in my office now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, sounds like international intrigue. Has Scotland declared war on
us or something?
Speaker 3: This is no time for levity. He's up in the
office now, and you must take over immediately. It's a
very serious situation.
Speaker 4: Come.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay. Oh, now, what's it all about? Has Laird
Douglas died and... Oh, no, no, you said he was
up in your office. And I'm sure you don't mean
just his body.
Speaker 3: Yes, he's there with Mrs. Peter Malcolm Kelly Van Pyton.
Speaker 2: Kelly Van... Huh? Are you kidding?
Speaker 3: I certainly am not. You see, she insists that you
act as his bodyguard.
Speaker 2: Oh, now, wait a minute, Harry.
Speaker 3: Unfortunately, or rather fortunately for you, 13th floor, please.
Speaker 2: Yes, sir.
Speaker 3: Unfortunately, I said 13th floor operator, please, quickly.
Speaker 4: Yes, sir.
Speaker 3: So, Harry, unfortunately... Young man, will you please start this
elevator immediately?
Speaker 4: Got to wait for the signal, sir.
Speaker 3: Signal? This is an emergency. Take off.
Speaker 2: Immediately.
Speaker 3: Emergency? Yes, it involves Laird Douglas Douglas of Heather's Code. Oh, well, sure,
if it's... Who? Good man, good man.
Speaker 4: Okay.
Speaker 2: Now, you were saying, Harry.
Speaker 3: Was I?
Speaker 2: Unfortunately something.
Speaker 3: Oh, yes, of course. Fortunately for you, she was quite
cognizant of the fact.
Speaker 2: Who was cognizant?
Speaker 4: Mrs.
Speaker 3: Peter Malcolm Kelly Van Pyton. She knew about the excellent
work you did for us in connection with the Ricardo
Amarigo case not long ago. Excellent detective work, she called it.
Speaker 2: Thirteenth floor.
Speaker 3: You remember the case, Ricardo, the concert violinist who disappeared presumably.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I remember.
Speaker 3: And your almost intuitive deduction that he wasn't dead at
all but had merely staged the whole thing to make him.
Speaker 2: Look as the... Ah, Harry.
Speaker 3: Oh, yes, of course.
Speaker 2: Thirteenth floor.
Speaker 3: You mean Mrs. Peter Malcolm Kelly Van... Excuse me, mister,
but I'm getting signals from the other floors. Quite right,
you should. As I started to say, John, She is
one of our biggest personal policy holders.
Speaker 2: Good, good, but hadn't we better get into your office
and meet her?
Speaker 3: Oh, yes, yes, but I want you to know about
the personal premiums. Alone, they run to something over $ 20, 000
a year.
Speaker 2: Mr.
Speaker 4: Please.
Speaker 2: Well, she is an important client.
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, and that's why I didn't... Mr.
Speaker 4: William, please.
Speaker 3: I didn't hesitate to accede to her request that you
be called in on this case. I called you, and
here you are.
Speaker 4: Mr. Please.
Speaker 3: Oh, well, get us up to the... Oh, oh, we're here.
Why didn't you tell us?
Speaker 4: Come, John.
Speaker 3: Mister, if I was to tell you what I'd like to, I'd...
My office is right this way, John. Come, please.
Speaker 2: Hey, look, you better calm down, Harry, and give me
the dope on this case right from the beginning.
Speaker 4: Yes.
Speaker 2: Yes, I'd better.
Speaker 4: All right. Mrs.
Speaker 3: Peter Malcolm Kelly Van Pyton is a very important client,
has been for years.
Speaker 2: So you said. But there are a lot of things
you haven't said, like what has she got to do
with this Laird Douglas character, and why is he so important?
Speaker 3: It's this way, John. The policy on him runs to $ 5, 000.
No double indemnity, which is good. As a matter of fact,
the policy on him was purely a favor to Mrs.
Kelly Van Pyton. You know, considering some short life expectancy
and all.
Speaker 2: No, I don't know. Is he in his dotage or something? Well, hardly.
Speaker 3: Or are you being facetious again?
Speaker 2: But you said... Hey, how old is he?
Speaker 3: His birthday is next month, May 7th to be exact.
He'll be four years old.
Speaker 2: Four?
Speaker 3: That's right.
Speaker 2: Short life expectancy?
Speaker 3: Of course, you see, John.
Speaker 2: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Uh, some horrible disease
or something, huh? What's the matter with him?
Speaker 3: John, you wanted this from the beginning, so I'll give
it to you from the beginning.
Speaker 2: Okay, but Harry... If it hadn't.
Speaker 3: Been for Mrs. Van Pyton's own policies totaling something in
the neighborhood of half a million.
Speaker 2: More in fact... Harry... Why, we'd.
Speaker 3: Never have written the one on Lord Douglas Douglas of Heatherscote. So,
now we've cleared that up.
Speaker 2: Harry, we passed your office three or four doors ago.
Speaker 1: Oh, yes.
Speaker 3: But as I'm sure you understand, I wanted to give
you some of the background before you talk with Mrs.
Van Pyton. After all, you asked for it.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, I guess I did. But what you've given
me so far has landed me smack dab in the
department of utter confusion. And I'm beginning to think maybe
I have company. Oh?
Speaker 4: Where?
Speaker 5: Who?
Speaker 2: Right here. You, Harry. Now, look. Why don't we quietly
stroll into your office and let me get the whole
thing from Mrs. Kelly Van Pyton herself? Or better still,
from Laird Douglas Douglas.
Speaker 3: But you couldn't. Of course not.
Speaker 2: What?
Speaker 3: At least not from him.
Speaker 2: Why not?
Speaker 3: John, will you please stop joking?
Speaker 2: Who's joking?
Speaker 3: This is serious business.
Speaker 4: Very.
Speaker 2: Look, Harry.
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 2: There is one thing I'd like to talk over before
we go in to see him. Them. Somebody. Yes? Well,
apparently the life and or welfare of this Laird Douglas
Douglas is in danger.
Speaker 3: Oh, no doubt about it. No doubt about it. I
thought I'd made that very clear to you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, you said you've written only a $ 5, 000 policy
on him.
Speaker 3: That's right, $ 5, 000. And purely as a.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know all about that. Now, look,
I don't want to seem crass about it, Harry, but
my commission, if anything were to happen to him, wouldn't
amount to a hill of beans.
Speaker 3: Which is precisely why I told you you will be
paid a retainer while you're on the case. A most
generous one.
Speaker 2: A generous one? By you?
Speaker 3: By Mrs. Kelly Van Pyton.
Speaker 2: How much?
Speaker 3: Well, John, now mind you, this may not require your
services for more than a week or so. As bodyguard,
that is.
Speaker 2: How much?
Speaker 3: And, of course, she has authorized an expense account.
Speaker 4: Ah.
Speaker 3: But, mind you, John, not the usual kind that you
seem to have the knack of piling up beyond all reason. Clearly,
a completely honest, legitimate accounting.
Speaker 2: Harry, how much?
Speaker 3: As a matter of cold fact, I have assured her
that it will total no more than the amount of
the retainer she is prepared to pay you. Any more
than that, and, uh... Well, you'll have a lot of
explaining to do.
Speaker 2: Harry, how much is this retainer to be, if I
take the case?
Speaker 3: I might even go so far... $ 750 per week, or
a fraction thereof, and I am sure you will agree
that that.
Speaker 2: What's the matter, John? $ 750 a week, plus expenses, when
there's only a $ 5, 000 policy involved?
Speaker 3: That's right.
Speaker 2: But if this four-year-old Laird Douglas Douglas of, of, of.
Speaker 3: Hethiscote.
Speaker 2: Yeah. If he's only worth a $ 5, 000 policy.
And what was that crack about short life expectancy?
Speaker 3: John, I told you, he is already four years old. Oh.
Speaker 2: Look, start all over again, will you, Harry?
Speaker 4: Yes.
Speaker 3: No, on second thought, perhaps you were right. Perhaps you'd
better get the details directly from Mrs.
Speaker 4: Peter.
Speaker 3: Malcolm Kelly Van Pyton.
Speaker 2: I know. Now, look, Harry, I think I'd better. I'd
better get it from somebody.
Speaker 3: Incidentally, John, you understand, of course, that your services will
be required only during the affair at Bala Kenwood. And
not one minute thereafter.
Speaker 2: No, I don't understand. What's Ballack Kinwood?
Speaker 3: Out around Westchester, outside the city, one of the suburbs.
Very nice suburb, too. That is where Laird Douglas Douglas...
I've heard this guy. Yes, John, that is where he
will appear.
Speaker 2: And you or Mrs. Kelly Van Pyden, or both, if
you think his life will be in danger.
Speaker 3: Exactly. Oh, John, I knew you were just joking me
all the time.
Speaker 2: I wish I knew.
Speaker 3: Here we are, and everything will be clear.
Speaker 5: Oh, thank heavens, dear Mr.
Speaker 3: Branson. I was afraid something had happened to you. You
were gone so long, you really had me quite worried.
I'm so sorry, but I had hoped to tell Mr.
Dollar something of this affair, and I'm afraid we loitered
on the way up.
Speaker 2: Mrs.
Speaker 3: Kelly Van Pyton, this is Mr. John Dollar.
Speaker 5: Oh, you wonderful, wonderful man. I'm so glad that you've
agreed to take on this assignment. You see, Laird Douglas
Douglas means everything to me. And I have the utmost
confidence in you. I'm sure Laird Douglas.
Speaker 4: Will, too.
Speaker 2: Well, thank you very much. But where is he? Why, yes, Mrs.
Speaker 3: Van Patten, what's happened to him?
Speaker 5: Oh, don't worry, don't worry, my dear. He's all right.
But after all, he is so temperamental. I fear he
got a bit impatient waiting for you. And I know
you'll forgive him.
Speaker 3: You will, won't you? Yes, yes, of course, but where
is he? He's asleep, Mr.
Speaker 5: Branson, in your inner office. He sat down in your
chair and fell fast asleep. Oh, if I could only
relax that way. But you must meet him, Mr.
Speaker 3: Dollar.
Speaker 2: Yes, I'd certainly like to.
Speaker 5: Of course you would, and I know he'll want to
meet you. Gently now.
Speaker 3: Oh, good, he's awake.
Speaker 2: Oh, no.
Speaker 3: Oh.
Speaker 2: That's Laird.
Speaker 3: Laird Douglas, Douglas of Hetherscote. This is Mr. Johnny Dollar.
Speaker 4: Hey! Hey! Douglas! Douglas! No!
Speaker 3: Let go of Mr.
Speaker 4: Dollar's leg! Douglas, dear! Douglas! Douglas!
Speaker 1: Now, here's our star to tell you about tomorrow's, uh, intriguing?
Speaker 3: Well, tomorrow's episode of this week's story.
Speaker 2: Tomorrow? Well, I've handled some pretty doggy cases in my time,
but never as a pooch's bodyguard. But suddenly this one
begins to smell much too strongly of murder. Join us,
won't you? Yours truly, Johnny Dollar.
Speaker 3: ¶ ¶.
Speaker 1: Yours truly, Johnny Dollar, starring Bob Bailey, is transcribed in Hollywood.
It is produced and directed by Jack Johnstone, who also
wrote tonight's story. Be sure to join us tomorrow night,
same time and station, for the next exciting episode of
Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar.
Speaker 2: Roy Rowan speaking.
Speaker 5: © BF-WATCH TV 2021.
Speaker 4: Come on. Come on.
Speaker 5: THE END