Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar - The Laird Douglas Douglas of Heatherscote Matter - Ep 2
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Speaker 1: From Hollywood, it's time now for....
Speaker 2: Johnny Dollar.
Speaker 1: Ray Roland, Johnny.
Speaker 2: Oh, hi, Ray.
Speaker 1: Just got your message. What are you doing in Philadelphia?
Speaker 2: Oh, a case for filling mutual liability and casualty. And
I may need your help. What do you know about
Laird Douglas Douglas of Hetherscote?
Speaker 1: Why, he's one of Scotland's finest... Wait a minute. That's
your case? Yep. Insurance?
Speaker 2: And bodyguard. How's about lunch?
Speaker 1: Johnny, have you met the... Have you met his lairdship?
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I nearly lost a leg doing it.
Speaker 1: Oh, then you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know. Oh, shut up.
Speaker 1: Tonight, and every weekday night, Bob Bailey and the transcribed
adventures of the man with the action-packed expense account, America's
fabulous freelance insurance investigator.
Speaker 2: Yours truly, Johnny Dollar. Expense account submitted by Special Investigator
Johnny Dollar to the Philadelphia Mutual Liability and Casualty Company
in connection with my investigation, or rather my involvement in
the Laird Douglas Douglas of Hethiscote matter. And I wish
I'd had some idea of what I was getting into
before I ever left Hartford. But it's too late now.
Expense account item three, 3950. One pair of slacks. For
within a few minutes of my arrival in Philadelphia, Harry
Branson of Philly Mutual buttonholed me and dragged me up
to his office to meet two important clients he had.
First was Mrs. Peter Malcolm Kelly Van Pyton.
Speaker 3: Oh, you wonderful, wonderful man. I am so glad that
you've agreed to take on this assignment.
Speaker 4: Laird Douglas Douglas means everything to me, and I have
the utmost confidence in you.
Speaker 3: I'm sure Laird Douglas will, too.
Speaker 2: And then came... Well, Mrs. Van Pyton made the introduction.
Speaker 4: Laird Douglas Douglas of Hetherscote, this is Mr.
Speaker 3: Johnny Dollar.
Speaker 1: Huh? Oh, no.
Speaker 2: Holy jump of the... Douglas, oh, no, you mustn't do that.
Speaker 1: Oh, my.
Speaker 5: Oh, dear, good heavens.
Speaker 2: Get on your own chair, Harry. This one's taken.
Speaker 5: Sorry, John, sorry.
Speaker 3: Down, Douglas, down. There, dear, that's the boy. That's a
nice boy.
Speaker 2: That is Laird Douglas Douglas of Hedisco?
Speaker 3: Yes, isn't he adorable? He's so playful. He was really
just playing, you know.
Speaker 6: There, dear, come now.
Speaker 1: Harry. Yes, John?
Speaker 2: This is the client you called me all the way
down from Hartford to see?
Speaker 5: Yes, John, yes. $ 7. 50 a week, practically unlimited expense account.
Speaker 3: Oh, dear, just look at your trousers, Mr.
Speaker 1: Dollar.
Speaker 2: I don't need to, thanks. I can feel the draft.
Speaker 3: But you'll need new ones. Here. And I insist you
let me pay for them. Down, Douglas, down. Here, Mr.
Speaker 1: Dollar.
Speaker 3: Will $ 100 be enough?
Speaker 5: Uh, gee.
Speaker 3: No, here, 150. I can see those were very, very
nice ones.
Speaker 2: Well, uh, you see what I mean, John?
Speaker 3: Here, please, now, I insist you take it. And if
it isn't enough.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, thanks, that's plenty. But now, Harry,
you listen to me.
Speaker 5: John, I know what you're going to say, but as
I explained to you on the way up here to
my office.
Speaker 2: You explained plenty, but not nearly enough.
Speaker 5: But I tried, I really tried.
Speaker 2: I think you and I had better have a quiet
little talk, Harry, and the sooner the better.
Speaker 4: Oh, boys, please, can't you do that another time? Please
come down from those chairs so Mr. Dollar can meet
Douglas and we can make all the arrangements.
Speaker 3: Please?
Speaker 1: Mrs.
Speaker 2: Van Pyton, that's precisely what I want to talk about.
Speaker 3: You really look very funny up there. And see, Douglas
does want so much to be friends with you.
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: You're sure it isn't a piece of my leg he wants?
Speaker 3: Oh, no, of course not. Here, Mr.
Speaker 4: Dollar, just give him one of these biscuits. I have
them specially baked for him. And he'll be your friend
for life.
Speaker 3: Really.
Speaker 2: Huh?
Speaker 3: Here, now just come down. And hand it to him.
He'll love you.
Speaker 5: It's true, John.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 2: Yeah? Then what are you doing up on that chair?
Speaker 5: I forgot, that's all. Nice, Douglas.
Speaker 3: Please, Mr.
Speaker 1: Dollar.
Speaker 2: Well, all I hope is he doesn't forget.
Speaker 3: That's right. Just hand it to him.
Speaker 2: And that he knows which is biscuit and which is
my hand.
Speaker 1: Here, boy. Here, boy.
Speaker 5: No, take it easy, take it easy.
Speaker 3: Oh, there you see. Now your friend isn't that sweet.
Speaker 2: Yeah, sure is. Well, I'd better get back to my
hotel and change, and Harry.
Speaker 1: I'll call you.
Speaker 4: Oh, but we haven't made the definite arrangements yet, and
I want you staying out at our place.
Speaker 3: In Germantown, the Maples. It's a lovely little place, Mr.
Speaker 5: Dollar.
Speaker 2: Well, much as I hate to say it, I'm not
quite sure about taking this place.
Speaker 3: Oh, I know, the money. Well, don't you worry about it.
Not at all, not one bit.
Speaker 4: If you'd rather have $ 1, 000 a week, that's what will
make it.
Speaker 2: And I do wish you'd let.
Speaker 3: Me do more about these poor trousers. I know.
Speaker 4: Why don't you go straight over to Wanamaker's men's store
and have them tailor you a whole suit?
Speaker 3: Wouldn't that be nice? You'd look lovely.
Speaker 2: You've already given me more than enough to buy a suit.
Speaker 1: Oh, that.
Speaker 3: Now just forget it. Now, you have them make you
anything you want. And just charge it to me. Oh,
and look. Douglas here is licking your hand. I knew
he'd like you.
Speaker 2: Never underestimate the power of a woman, somebody once said.
Or maybe they should have said never underestimate the power
of a fast buck or a thousand bucks. Anyhow, Mrs.
Peter Malcolm Kelly Van Pyton had set her heart on
my handling this whole affair, and she simply wasn't to
be denied. Couple that with a chance to pick up
enough loot in a few days to, uh... Well, what
would you do? And the darn mutt did take a
liking to me. So, with Laird Douglas Douglas in my lap... Oh,
he's a Scotty, by the way.
Speaker 3: Scottish terrier, Mr.
Speaker 1: Dollar.
Speaker 3: If you'll pardon my correcting you.
Speaker 5: Sorry. Sorry.
Speaker 4: And it's all because of the show at Bala Kinwid
on Friday.
Speaker 1: Bala where?
Speaker 5: B-A-L-A-C-U-Y-N-W-I-D, John.
Speaker 4: Yes, Bala Kinwid. Laird Douglas Douglas simply must win. Not
only best of class, but best of show.
Speaker 3: And he will if somebody doesn't interfere.
Speaker 2: Oh, you think somebody might do something to Douglas?
Speaker 3: I'm sure of it, because it's been tried before.
Speaker 2: You mean poison him or something like that?
Speaker 1: Worse.
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 3: Dope. Poison would let him die a hero, a martyr.
But drugs would keep him from winning the show.
Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, what makes you suspect somebody might try it?
Speaker 4: As I said, it's been tried before. Last year and
again a few days ago. And if Harrison R. Kenworthy
thinks he can do it again, he's mistaken.
Speaker 2: Then you know who did it before.
Speaker 3: I refuse to divulge any names.
Speaker 2: But you just said... Mr.
Speaker 3: Dollar, I will not tell you.
Speaker 4: All I ask is that you watch over Laird Douglas
Douglas until he has won the show. Oh, and if
he does win, as I'm sure he will, I'll insist
that you accept a nice bonus so you can see
I'm very, very serious.
Speaker 2: And so it went on for another half hour or so,
and finally she left after I'd promised to pick up
my bags at the hotel and move out to her
joint in fashionable Germantown. I talked a few minutes longer
with Harry Branson.
Speaker 5: I'm so glad you've agreed to take this on, John.
As I told you, Mrs. Van Pyton is the most
important individual policyholder we have, and doing this favor for us... Harry,
it's not the mutt show at Bala Kinwood or Laird
Douglas or Mrs. Kelly Van Pyton or you I'm doing
this for. It's purely love of the green stuff. That
old dame must be really loaded. John, she has so
much money, she... Well, she doesn't know how much she has.
Industrial empire, that sort of thing.
Speaker 2: All right, all right, but Harry... If word ever gets
around in the trade that I came down here to
play bodyguard to a mutt, so help me, I'll have
your head.
Speaker 1: Yes.
Speaker 5: But now, hadn't you better go on out to the Maples?
Speaker 2: Well, first I want to know about this Harrison R.
Kenworthy she mentioned.
Speaker 1: Oh, that. Yeah, that.
Speaker 2: She accused him of doping up her Scotty.
Speaker 5: Well, she really doesn't know, and it's really quite complicated.
Speaker 2: How do you mean?
Speaker 5: Kenworthy owns a beautiful Kerry Blue Terrier. Lady O'Diddy's roll
him on me. Lady O.
Speaker 2: Holy cats, and no pun. Why can't they give an
honest dog an honest name? Look, we'll call her Mimi.
Speaker 6: Mimi.
Speaker 1: Go ahead. Hi, dog lovers.
Speaker 2: Ray, just in time. Meet Harry Branson, Ray Rowland.
Speaker 5: Oh, we know each other.
Speaker 1: Hello, Harry boy. Mr. Rowland. Sure, Harry called me in
last year when these two dogs were at each other's throats.
Speaker 5: Of course, he doesn't mean that literally, John.
Speaker 1: You see, Mr.
Speaker 5: Rowland is quite an authority on show animals.
Speaker 2: I've held it against him for years, ever since school.
Speaker 5: Well, there's no need to hold it against him particularly.
Speaker 2: And I don't mean that literally.
Speaker 6: Oh.
Speaker 1: Well, John boy, so you came down to help yourself
to a handful of dear Mrs. Kelly Vian Python's coin.
More power to you. I knew Harry would call you
in on the case. Felt it in my bones. And, brother,
you may be in deeper than you think.
Speaker 2: Oh, what's that supposed to mean, Ray?
Speaker 1: Has Harry told you about the villain of the piece,
Harrison R. Kenworthy?
Speaker 5: I was just starting to when you so rudely.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, Johnny, the whole setup is a riot, but
just remember one thing. Yeah? A lot of people have
been killed in riots.
Speaker 2: Now, what's that supposed to mean?
Speaker 5: I'll tell you what he means.
Speaker 1: Let me tell it, Harry. It would take you all day. Sorry,
no offense.
Speaker 5: All right.
Speaker 1: Go ahead, Ray. Go ahead. Okay, Bella Kenwood is the
biggest event of the year in the doggy set, okay? Okay.
All right. Mrs. Kelly Van Pyton owns Laird Douglas Douglas
of Heatherscote. Real fine Scotty.
Speaker 2: Yeah, good teeth, see?
Speaker 1: Hey, those pants are really gone. Anyhow, Harrison Kenworthy owns
Lady O'Diddy's Rollamar Meme, Carrie Blue.
Speaker 6: Mimi.
Speaker 1: Huh?
Speaker 2: I'd get indigestion trying to say that other name.
Speaker 1: Okay, Mimi.
Speaker 3: Mimi.
Speaker 1: They're two pretty good dogs, especially Mimi. International championship, blood,
and all that. But Mimi's the better dog. Douglas won't
stand a chance. I've tried to tell her this, but... Well,
go on, go on. Okay. Harrison Kenworthy loves Kelly Van Pyton, see?
Speaker 2: Oh, loves her money.
Speaker 5: Him?
Speaker 1: He's loaded, too. No, I think the old coot really
loves her, and I think she loves him. Right, Harry?
Speaker 5: Yes, I think I'm inclined to agree.
Speaker 1: Right, but now get this. Yeah? She won't marry him
until her Laird Douglas beats his Lady O'Diddy, uh, Mimi,
far and squar... at the Ballykinwood show. How do you
like that?
Speaker 2: Are you kidding?
Speaker 5: Oh, no, John, it's an accepted fact.
Speaker 1: Right, so what happens? For over a year now.
Speaker 2: Wait a minute, Ray, wait a minute. If he really
wants to marry her, why doesn't he just let her
dog beat his?
Speaker 1: And let her be one up on him right from
the start? Never. No, boy, he'd never live it down.
You don't know these people.
Speaker 2: Well, this is about the craziest thing I ever heard of.
Speaker 1: To you and me, sure, but to them, it's deadly serious.
Speaker 2: Are they in love with each other or with their dogs?
Speaker 1: Well, it's not just love where the dogs are concerned,
but pride, which is just about all a lot of
these old, lonely millionaires have to think about, to live for. Yea,
sometimes even unto the fifth and sixth generation.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, okay, I'll take your word for it. But
now she said something about her dog being doped at
the show last year.
Speaker 5: Oh, yes, John, you see, it was just a couple
of days.
Speaker 1: Right, just before the finals. It was an attempt to
murder the dog with poison, but emergency care both times
pulled Laird Douglas through.
Speaker 2: She told me it was only some kind of a
dope that was used.
Speaker 1: Oh, sure, sure, we kept the truth from her. You
don't realize it, boy, but if that dog were to die,
she would. Fact. Oh, now, Ray.
Speaker 5: Oh, yes, John, and the insurance company must keep that
dog alive in order to obviate having to pay off her.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 5: After all, her policies amount to a.
Speaker 1: Right. It may sound absurd to you, Johnny, but it's
no joke. As I said, you don't know these people.
Speaker 2: But look, it still doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 1: You'll just have to take my word for it, and
it's happened right here in Philadelphia.
Speaker 5: Yes, John, and we held the policy. It was an
old lady.
Speaker 1: Right, so there you have it.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, I'll believe you. And so the finger points
at Harris and her kin.
Speaker 1: Well, she might like to think that, especially since she
doesn't know that poison was used both times, but I don't.
What's more, the police feel the same.
Speaker 2: Oh, now, if you say police dogs, I'll slug you.
Speaker 5: John, there are times when the sense of humor of yours.
Speaker 1: Right, Harry, dead right, and I do mean dead. Now,
in all seriousness, Johnny, if I were you, I'd duck
out of this assignment.
Speaker 2: Now, don't say that, Ray, unless John... No, no, no,
go ahead and say it. Something ought to start to
make sense around here.
Speaker 1: All right, listen. The reason I'm sure Harrison R. Kenworthy
had nothing to do with the attempted poisonings, the reason
the police were called in, the reason I think you
ought to get out of this.
Speaker 2: Well, you get to the point, Ray.
Speaker 1: On each occasion, Mrs. Kelly Van Pyton had a bodyguard
attending Laird Douglas, in addition to the dog's governess, medicos,
and so on.
Speaker 2: Get to the point.
Speaker 1: Each time, in order for the poisoner to get to
that dog... Ray, please. Each time, the bodyguard was murdered.
Still want this case, Johnny? Now, here's our star to
tell you about tomorrow's intriguing episode of this week's story. Tomorrow.
Speaker 2: Well, the joke's no longer a joke. Especially when a
killer trains his sights on me. Join us, won't you?
Yours truly, Johnny Dollar.
Speaker 6: Johnny Dollar.
Speaker 1: Yours truly, Johnny Dollar, starring Bob Bailey, is transcribed in Hollywood.
It is produced and directed by Jack Johnstone, who also
wrote tonight's story. Be sure to join us tomorrow night,
same time and station, for the next exciting episode of
Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar. Roy Rowan speaking.
Speaker 6: © BF-WATCH TV 2021 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. THE END
THE END