Who Takes Care of You When Everyone Needs You?
Life has a way of asking us to show up for everyone else, but what happens when we are the ones running on empty? Between family, animals, relationships, and all the unexpected things life throws our way, it is easy to keep pushing until we finally crash.
In this minisode, I’m sharing some real life moments, the small wins worth celebrating, and a question I think we all need to ask ourselves: Who takes care of me?
I’m exploring the balance between self care and community, recognizing the signs of burnout before we reach collapse, and why we need people who support us as we grow into the next version of ourselves. I also share a preview of my conversation with Cathy Derksen, a 28 time bestselling author, about writing your next chapter, finding your people, and giving your dreams room to grow.
Because the adventure isn't just about how far we can push ourselves. It is also about knowing when to pause, asking for support, and surrounding ourselves with people who help us become who we are meant to be.
As Dr. Claire Zammit says, “You can't become yourself by yourself.”
In this episode:
- Recognizing burnout before reaching the point of collapse
- Celebrating small wins and finding gratitude in everyday life
- Making self care a priority, even when others depend on you
- Finding a community that supports your dreams and transformation
Take a moment today to check in with yourself.
What do you need?
What can you let go of?
And who is helping you grow?
You matter in the care you give to everyone else, too.
Adventure on.
Links and resources
- Horses for the Family and CABI Fashion Party: Interested in joining us at the ranch or shopping with us virtually? Email theadventureparadox@gmail.com to learn more.
- Mental health support: If you or someone you know is in crisis in the United States, call or text 988 for support. For medical emergencies, call 911.
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1 SPEAKER_00: Hey guys, it's a Monday.
We are back for a mini sod.
Okay.
I am committed in October to more consistently deliver mini
sodes.
Okay.
Even if the kids all get sick, even if I get sick, even if my
husband gets sick, if the animals get injured, if they're
up all night pooping, if my helper gets sick, and all the
things.
I am committed to be here for you guys.
So let me tell you what's happening on the podcast this
week.
First of all, all those things I just said, they're not fully
hypothetical.
They happened.
You know why?
Because life happens.
And that's why, like the Boy Scouts say, we need to always be
prepared.
Always be prepared.
And then we take it one day at a time.
One of my favorite recovery expressions.
Speaking of one day at a time, I have been losing weight.
Thank you for noticing.
One day at a time.
And now this jacket that used to not button, watch this, my
friends.
I want to do this for you.
unknown: Oh, it buttons!
SPEAKER_00: Oh we are having a little moment.
We are having a little moment here.
I recognized right before I started recording that it could
actually button.
This is actually a huge moment for me.
I am all about celebrating the wins.
And I'm really excited I got to share that win with you guys.
So the thing is, even in the midst of all of the chaos when
it feels like nothing's going your way, there is at least one
little thing that could be going your way, one little moment.
And at the end of the day, if we can think of three things that
went well for us, even if we were sick, even if we were
injured, even if things didn't go our way, what are the three
things?
And I just got my first one right there, by the way.
My second one that I'm going to share with you is having your
vitamins ready.
So here are my vitamins.
They're in this little like travel vitamin thing.
I set them up three days at a time.
You know why?
Because three days from now or tomorrow or whatever, I don't
even know where I'm going to be at or how I'm going to be
feeling.
So I keep one of these in my truck in case I need to have it
on the go.
I keep one in my office and I keep one in my kitchen so that I
can make sure I'm taking my vitamins.
Because by taking my vitamins, I'm way more likely to stay
healthy.
Rest, vitamins, self-care.
How about that medicine of food, my friends?
I made myself a cottage cheese pumpkin bread, whatever you want
to call this.
Sorry, it's kind of mashed up here.
But I'm all about here's another win.
The pumpkin in the season of pumpkin.
I once had a Friendsgiving where every single friend had to bring
something pumpkin made.
Is this you?
Is this you?
Are you a pumpkin fan?
Team Pumpkin over here.
If you don't like pumpkin, so be it.
But you know what?
Pumpkin is so good for us.
You can just tell by that bright orange color if you're going for
the orange pumpkins, by the way.
But they have so many vitamins and they're also really soothing
to the stomach and digestive system.
So I am all about team pumpkin.
And by the way, I am in search of a gluten-free, dairy-free,
raw veggie, and fruit-free pumpkin muffin recipe this
month.
So if you have one, will you please drop it in the comments
below because that's something I'm in search of.
So those are three wins that I just shared with you guys.
What I want to talk about today is who takes care of you when
all the chips seem to have fallen.
We kind of touched on the first one, which is just being
prepared, right?
I was in a community of women over the weekend, and one of
them was really struggling with pushing up against complete
collapse.
And I witnessed this coach call her out on it, and she was like,
There is something in you about collapse and how many women here
can resonate with that.
Like, we just gonna go, we're gonna go, we're gonna go, we're
gonna go, we're gonna go, we're gonna go until we can't go
anymore.
We either crash, we're exhausted, we fall asleep, we
literally crash and have some sort of injury and hurt
ourselves, or maybe we medically crash, we get sick, right?
Something I've been practicing since I entered the season of
motherhood is getting ahead of the collapse.
So knowing when it's coming, like feeling it in myself.
And going back to that question who takes care of me, right?
Who takes care of me?
When I'm the mom, I'm the caretaker, I'm responsible for
11 animals, I'm responsible for the sick husband, I'm
responsible for keeping the podcast going, even when I don't
maybe feel 100%.
Maybe I'm like 80% today.
I do.
I take care of me, I realized.
Cue the marriage bells.
I do.
But we always do this, not always, but we did, my husband
and I.
We got married in community.
So even though I say I do, and it is important at the end of
the day, I am responsible for myself.
I am the only one in my body who knows if I'm starting to feel
like, uh, kind of running at eight.
Oop, now we're at 70%.
Okay, what can I take off my list?
What could I do a little less of?
What's absolutely necessary?
But really, it's a we do.
Marriages traditionally happened in community where other people
would say, we do, right?
We see you taking these vows together in community among us
in a traditional marriage or wedding celebration.
And I have a friend who recently got married in the desert.
Beautiful, beautiful wedding photos, you know who you are.
And I'm just so reinspired.
And maybe I'm gonna be able to get back in my wedding dress now
that I can button this jacket again, right?
Like goals, hashtag goals.
But I'm so reinspired to remember in sickness and in
health, we take care of each other.
And ultimately, before we can take care of each other, we also
must take care of ourselves.
I do.
I do take you.
You do take me.
We take each other.
We care take each other.
But it starts with caretaking ourselves, being able to even
make that vow.
And you might have a day where you can't.
We're in complete collapse, which is the other thing I was
thinking about.
Because a very good friend of mine is coming to help me host a
cabbie party.
And if you're into fashion or just finding things that make
you feel your best, and you live in the area, actually, even if
you don't, I think I can send you a link and you can shop with
us this month.
So drop me something in the thing below, and I will double
check if you can shop with us virtually.
But that particular friend also happens to be an orthopedic
surgeon, and she literally saved my life, friends.
Here, right underneath my wedding ring.
If you look closely, you can see a scar.
That scar right there is from the surgery that I had when I
had a cat bite infection that literally went into my
bloodstream through the knuckle a hundred years ago, I would
have been dead.
But today, they could do a knuckle debreedment, operate,
take the infection out down at the very, very root.
My body was in full sepsis, and I was hospitalized for five days
and I had a pick line on.
I bring that up because that is a demonstration of total
collapse.
We were living the adventure, we were taking our animals to the
blessing of the animals in Alta, Wyoming, at this church where I
now live, by the way.
And over the weekend, I celebrated 90 days living here
at our new property in Alto.
10 10 10.
That was amazing.
It's amazing.
It's only been a quarter of a year that we've been here.
But it seems like so much more because it's such a deep level.
So I get off on a tangent.
But I think that brings us back to the depth of the I do of
taking care of you and then the we do, which brings me to our
podcast guest this week, Kathy Dirksen.
Oh, amazing.
I actually wrote down a lot of quotes, and you can see all of
the reels they'll be dropping after she drops this coming
Friday.
Right now on the podcast, we have the incredible Dr.
Mondragon skip, I believe, talking about depression.
And the thing is, sometimes that's how you get leveled out.
You're going, you're going, you're going, and then things
just stop working at a soul level.
Something just not right.
You're just not feeling it.
For me, sometimes I get a little bit depressed right before I get
sick.
So I know that.
Like, okay, is that it?
Is it something going on cyclically?
Was it something circumstantial?
Like, we just had the wedding, we had the honeymoon, and now we
have the crash of all that adrenaline and like no longer
having this huge, expensive event with all your friends and
family as part of it.
So this week's guest, and again, if you're struggling with
depression, if something's just not right, you're having trouble
taking care of yourself, please reach out for help.
988 is the call if you're thinking about harming yourself
or someone else.
911 for full medical emergency.
988 is for that mental health emergency.
And every month, every day is a mental health awareness day, you
guys.
Check in.
How are you doing?
Because once we're at that place of like, okay, I think I'm doing
well enough, or I can see the gap between how I am or
whatever's going on now and how I want to be, or wherever I want
to be.
And that's where Kathy Dirksen comes in.
Because her story and the work she does empowering other women
to write books in the community, she is a wait for it, 27 times
best-selling author.
How awesome is that?
Oh, she is so fantastic.
And one of the paradoxes she talks about is that when you're
getting into that place of writing a book or stepping into
your next identity, your existing friends and family,
they're gonna be the least supportive often.
Why is that?
Well, because they're happy to have you stay the status quo,
because they're gonna stay the status quo.
And doesn't everyone just want to kind of stay normal?
I think about my horse herd and the way they just want
everything to kind of be chill, and I get to eat first, and you
get to eat second, and I get to push you around and decide when
I do and don't eat.
And by I I'm referring to in the horse's mind, witnessing the
herd dynamics as they work together.
Similar to our friendship or family groups, right?
Who's the person who speaks up first?
Who's the person who asks the question?
Who's the person who sits quietly in the back?
Because you know what quiet doesn't necessarily mean calm or
regulated.
They could be in deep resentment.
You have no idea.
But when you change, you're the only one who's in I do, and the
rest of the people are in we do, witnessing you in your
transformation.
And as you make that transformation, for those of you
who are married, think about who is at your wedding.
And then think about if you were to renew your vows, who would be
at your wedding today?
Who would you invite?
Who are the people who you are doing life with, who are
supporting you day by day?
And it may be that there's a different community that you
want to tap into.
Speaking of, since I'm speaking a lot on marriage in this one,
and I do, I do, if my husband is listening, I do again and again,
baby.
I do.
I love you and I do.
And thank you for choosing me.
We have been deep in work with the Freemans.
Have you met the Freemans?
If you have not met the Freemans, I'm gonna drop a link
below because you're gonna want to check them out.
We will hopefully get them on the podcast.
But they have a book coming out this year called Same Team.
And they want to get this book into a hundred thousand family
homes when it drops in January.
And I want to help them.
I want to help them because the work has helped us so much in
repair and seeing each other and seeing our parts and coming back
to the idea.
And not just caring for each other and ourselves, but caring
for our marriage, caring for our family, caring for breaking the
generational trauma or whatever you might have seen that you
liked or maybe didn't like in your own family of origin.
So I bring that up.
But something else that she talks about that I thought was
really powerful is that you might have to go outside your
normal community.
So the community we've stepped into with the Freemans is a
little bit beyond our community here in Alta, in Tecon Valley,
in the Jackson Hole greater region.
It's a little bit out there.
They're in Arizona, right?
And they are attracting people from all around the world.
We literally have people who are like, oh, sorry, the lights are
off.
It's like three in the morning here, but here we are on this
call because it's really important to us to connect with
you live.
It's all about the live energy you're at here right now.
And that comes back to your self-care too.
Because it's only in this moment that you can really take care of
yourself.
How am I really?
As my friend Jenna Kutra put it.
So the last quote I'm going to share with you, she shared with
me, which is by Dr.
Claire Zamat.
You can't become yourself by yourself.
Mic job! She goes on to say, find a community that will help
inspire you to put wings to your dreams.
Those are Kathy Dirksen's words.
Wings to your dreams.
Oh, I love this medicine.
I love this medicine so much.
It's why we are calling a group into connection here back at the
ranch next weekend.
If you're in the area, if you want to be part of Horses for
the Family, part of a radical reinvention, stepping into your
inner cowgirl, maybe on the outside, maybe on the inside,
authentically you, who you are in the presence of horses.
I invite you to send my team an email, the adventureparadox at
gmail.com.
I would love to meet you here to be part of your next
transformation in community.
Because right now, who takes care of me?
Yeah, I do.
But it's also we do, you guys.
We do.
And thank you so much, listeners, for listening to this
podcast.
It means a world to me.
If you loved this one and you know someone who needs it,
please follow along.
Drop me a review, send it on to a friend, copy that link and
send.
And don't forget to take care of you today.
We do adventure on.