Cathy Derksen on Maybe It’s Time to Tell Your Story
Sometimes the adventure begins when the life you've built no longer feels like it fits.
In this episode, I sit down with Cathy Derksen, founder of Inspired Tenacity, international speaker, publisher, and 28-time #1 bestselling author. After a major life transition in her 50s, Cathy found herself called to share her story, eventually discovering a new mission in helping other women share theirs.
We talk about reinventing yourself in midlife, the courage it takes to share your story, and the imposter syndrome and fear of judgment that can keep us from stepping into the next version of ourselves. Cathy also shares why community matters so much when we're making a big change, especially when the people closest to us don't quite understand what we're becoming.
In this episode, we talked about:
- Reinventing yourself when your old life no longer fits
- The role of inspiration, courage, and tenacity in major life changes
- Moving through imposter syndrome and fear of being seen
- Why the right community can help you become who you're meant to be
- The power of asking for what you want
- How sharing your story creates a ripple effect
Find Cathy at:
- Website: https://inspiredtenacity.com
- Get a copy of Cathy's published books: https://inspiredtenacity.now.site/new_book_projects
- LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/cathyderkseninspiredtenacity
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cathy.derksen.3/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/inspired_tenacity
- YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@inspiredtenacitypublishing
What story, dream, or possibility has been quietly asking you to give it a voice?
Maybe the adventure isn't about becoming someone completely new. Maybe it's about finally giving yourself permission to become more fully who you've been all along.
Adventure on.
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1 SPEAKER_00: Hi everyone.
Welcome back to the Adventure Paradox Podcast.
I am very excited to have another author here with us
today.
It is the incredible Kathy Dirksen.
She's not just an author.
I'm going to give a formal introduction in just a moment,
but this gal is going to blow you away.
You are in for such a treat.
Kathy, before I give a formal introduction, welcome to the
show.
How are you?
And where in the world are you today?
SPEAKER_01: Well, thank you so much for having me.
I am on the west coast of Canada near Vancouver.
And I am doing wonderful.
The sun is shining and it's nice and cool.
SPEAKER_00: I love fall.
Love fall so much.
And I bet you might be even a little chillier up north.
I'm here in Wyoming, but I feel you.
I feel you.
Good.
So, for those who don't know, Kathy Dirksen is the passionate
founder of Inspired Tenacity.
She is an international speaker, publisher, and wait for it, 28
times number one best-selling author.
After reimagining her own life in her 50s, Kathy discovered her
mission to help midlife women embrace new possibilities and
boldly share their stories.
She believes that authorship and community are the keys to true
impact, both for the storyteller and the lives they touch.
I feel like I need to wave a magic wand on this moment.
Like you are amazing.
Look at this incredible work you've done.
Oh my gosh, I have so many questions for you.
And the first one is your story.
How did this start for you?
Maybe that first book, that first story that helped you
recognize your mission and then take flight on it.
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
And lately I've been saying if you'd asked me five years ago if
I saw myself doing any of this, the authorship, the publishing,
I would have laughed at you because there was nothing in my
past lives.
There was nothing, it was not on my bucket list to become a
published author.
But a local group here had been doing some multi-author books,
and I'd been aware of them, but I hadn't felt it was my time.
But I'd just come through a divorce, a complete career
change, had two teenagers with me through all the chaos, and
I'd got to the point where the dust had started to settle on
all of that.
And it was literally like a calling in me, telling me your
story needs to be in this book right now to help other women
going through similar things.
And it was almost like I couldn't say no.
And that's how I got started.
And I just fell in love with the whole process of putting our
stories on paper, working together as a group, sending our
stories out in the world.
And to me, a big part of it is that knowing there is a ripple
effect of who's reading the story, how is it touching them?
How are they changing their life?
And yeah, I just fell in love with it and realized this is
what I'm supposed to be doing.
I'm supposed to be bringing these opportunities to other
women so that they can share their stories, so they can
become published authors, so they can amplify that impact
they're here to have.
SPEAKER_00: Wow, that's so powerful.
And one of my favorite coaches and authors, he's famous for the
30-day book writing challenge, but he talks about the voice and
hearing something coming through when you're in the writing, but
also in the pre-writing, like the idea, the moment.
That's what I hear with what you're sharing there.
What was it like?
Was it very vulnerable letting that first book out?
What was the experience of actually publishing like for
you?
SPEAKER_01: It definitely was.
I mean, my marriage had been very toxic and abusive, and the
whole thing of making that decision after 23 years to just
to walk away from all that, start all over, and then to add
the career change in the middle, you know, as well.
And so, yes, I'd come through so much chaos and literally had to
reinvent my whole life.
And so that was the first time that I'd really put it out there
in the world.
And to this day, I don't think my ex has read any of my books,
but I'm sure he wouldn't be happy with that.
But the truth is the truth.
And so, yes, it was definitely almost therapeutic purging kind
of thing to put your story on paper and then yeah, release it
out into the world of okay, what will be will be.
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I definitely feel that.
And my first book that came out, The Adventure Paradox, I had
that experience of I could let go of the story.
And one of the stories that I had been telling myself but
hadn't followed through with was that I was going to write a book
about this adventure that we took.
And so that's just like sitting there as kind of this like leaky
energy hole until you actually write the book.
You know what I mean?
It's the one day I'll be an author.
Oh, oh, you're an author.
I'd love to be an author, you know?
And I love the idea that someone who feels they have a story or
feels they have a desire to be a published author.
This is just unclaimed light in yourself.
Like it's there for you.
But then we have all these blocks.
What's your experience like now as you pass it on and coach
others?
Do you come upon those blocks?
How do you support women like those?
SPEAKER_01: Oh, yes, that is a huge thing.
And yeah, I think they say that it's roughly 92% of people have
it on their bucket list to become a published author, but
only about 5% of people ever do.
And in my experience, what I've heard, I would say imposter
syndrome is the biggest thing that stops, especially women,
from stepping into it.
They know they have a powerful story, they know they're capable
of it, but those voices that say things like, well, who are you
to think that somebody else wants to read your story?
Or why do you think your story is so important that it needs to
be published and put out in the world?
And so I would definitely say imposter syndrome is a huge part
of that.
And then there is that other side as well around do I want to
expose my story?
Do I want the whole world to know to air my dirty laundry out
there in the world?
And especially when other people are involved, family members.
There definitely is a very sensitive side to that on what
you're comfortable sharing, whose story are you telling,
making sure you're telling your story and not necessarily taking
it over into somebody else's story.
And I have to admit, as I shared my story, considering my kids
and how what part of this is their story to tell and not
mine, and being very careful to really only focus on my
experience.
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
So delicate.
And I think the other piece of it is there's one of my favorite
quotes is three sides to every story yours, mine, and the
truth.
Yes.
And I think the truth can be so elusive.
I mean, there's a reason we live in a system with judges, you
know what I mean?
Because like, and I think the judges in our society, it's
often when you put it out to the public.
And for better or for worse, you're gonna have haters, you're
gonna have people who misinterpret, and you're gonna
have tons of fans.
I mean, 28-time best-selling author, like, obviously, people
really like what you're doing, you know.
But how do you respond to some of the criticisms, say?
And I'm also curious, there are the ones that maybe matter to
you.
So maybe if your daughter or one of your children is like, I
didn't see it that way, and it really hurt my feelings, and I'm
upset you put that out, even though it is your story or
whatever.
Maybe someone who you're really with every day versus maybe
someone who just can't help themselves because they you're
never gonna meet them or see them, and they're behind an
anonymous pet name putting some sort of review out there.
How do you respond to that criticism?
SPEAKER_01: Yes, yeah.
Well, you know, I have to say that I have not really
experienced much in the way of criticism.
And I think part of that is on social media and everything
else, I go out of my way to stick with the positive.
And I've found that I don't attract the trolls, and I'll
knock on wood and hope that that stays like that.
But to date, I have never had anyone come at me with
challenging my stories and things like that.
And I'm very sure that's part of it, that I stay away from the
trolls, I don't encourage trolls, and I have not had to
deal with that.
SPEAKER_00: So I'm glad you've never had to deal with that and
just putting it out there that you'll never have to deal with
that, God willing.
That's the path.
I am curious about life transitions, some of these
things that the mid-life of women that because a lot of
women, no, we've never experienced that level of
trolling or someone coming after us or exposure, etc.,
personally, say.
We might have witnessed it in other people going through the
experience.
And I think there is something about the witness that we're all
living through certain histories and certain narratives and our
own interpretation of different things that are happening.
But I'd love to hear your wisdom, your thoughts
specifically about life transition and specifically
speaking to women who might be in the middle of their life,
which I probably am.
I'm 45.
All my grands live to be in their 90s.
So probably almost right about there.
What would you say about that?
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
So people often ask me, how do I define midlife?
And to me, it really could be anywhere from, like you say, 45
to 85.
To me, it's that time in life when we recognize that what
we're doing is not suiting us anymore.
We're recognizing a need for change.
And to me, it almost becomes an evolution that we go through,
that recognizing the need for change, going through that
contemplation of what could that be, and then that following
through.
And you see the name of my company is inspired tenacity.
And to me, those are some of the key ingredients for those big
life changes.
We need that inspiration that you're going to change
something, but then we also need that tenacity to stick with it
and go forward.
And I always say the word courage belongs in the middle.
That it's inspiration, courage, and tenacity that will get us
through big life changes.
And to your point around people criticizing us or that's
stopping us from making big changes.
I often find that when a woman does decide to make whether it's
a career change, how she does her life, all these different
things.
Generally speaking, I have found that our family and immediate
friends, close friends, are usually not the people who are
going to support us in a big change.
They tend to be the people that just see you doing something
different and thinking, okay, she's going through something
weird.
And it's the, oh, settle down, go back to normal.
This is a phase, you'll get over it.
You know, just keep being who you are because that's who we
know.
And in most cases, I don't think they mean any harm by it.
We all just like things to stay normal.
So I always, always encourage women to go outside of your
normal circle and find community, find other women who
are doing new things, who are supporting each other, no matter
what this crazy dream is that they have.
And so that is definitely a huge piece of advice that I give to
every woman's group that I talk to about midlife changes.
And really, in a way, don't even expect your family to get it
right away.
Yeah.
Because they just know who they've always known.
They don't necessarily know in your heart that you need to do
something different.
And so let them have that time to get used to the idea.
But at the same time, don't let them stop you.
Find that community that will support you in moving forward.
SPEAKER_00: So good.
And quoting one of the greats right now, whether you realize
it or not, Mel Robbins, let them let them, right?
That's true.
Yeah, let them have their opinions.
Just let them, let them, let them, let them.
And I think the other piece of her book that I found so
powerful is okay, let them.
I don't know if you read it or not, but if you get into it, she
talks about and let me go and live my best life, basically, or
take the action that I need to take, following.
And I think you're so right.
And some of it is the family or your friends who you grew up
with, or like all the things, they still see that snot nose
little kid, and they're like, eh, well, you know, they do not
see that you are meant to become something else because they can
only ever see you as what they've seen you as.
So I feel like that's a really, really important piece,
especially when coaching others, to just remind them that there
are women out there who see you.
And as you begin to see yourself and become stronger in becoming
the woman, author, fill in the blank.
So many women come to me wanting a horse, wanting a podcast,
wanting to become a TEDx speaker.
And I think I've already said this today, but anything you see
in another, it's just unclaimed light in yourself.
But we can't expect anyone else to see it for us.
And I had another guest on his book is called When Success
Isn't Enough, where you can keep going for the things, but then
you might have that moment of what is here?
What is really here?
And what am I present to?
I'm just curious now, what are you present to?
What's your experience of where you are right now in life?
You're about to have book number 29 coming out.
Like, where are you?
What is lighting you up and also what's making you cry?
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
Like I was saying, that what I'm doing now is something I could
never have seen myself doing five years ago.
So, really, I have recreated the direction of my life, started
the business, creating something completely different.
And I realize that what I'm doing now really is my calling,
really what I am meant to do.
And the publishing is a big part of it, but all of my books are
multi-author books.
So each one has roughly 20 people, mostly women, in the
books.
And I've realized that where my real passion is bringing women
together to create something.
That's that old one plus one doesn't equal two.
One plus one equals 11.
Because when you bring a group of women together who are
creating something powerful, it really just becomes exponential.
And I've realized that all of my previous years, I never tapped
into that.
I didn't recognize that as who I am, as that person that brings
people together in a powerful way.
And so now that I've discovered that, I feel that I just know
I'm in the right place.
I also know that there's other extensions of this that I feel
are the right answers as well as part of the bigger whole.
But it's definitely this is where I'm supposed to be.
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
And I'd love to hear more about, especially what we were just
talking about, these themes of being in a sisterhood or a
circle or a group of women who see you, know you, understand
the path you're on, what you're working on.
And I'm like a lifelong transformation coach and really
into weight loss journeys and getting healthy and feeling
healthy and staying healthy is the biggest thing.
But having that tribe, whether it's your workout tribe, I used
to own a brick and mortar fitness club.
Tell me about the missions you're bringing women in
together on with each book and maybe give us an example of one
of the books so we better understand how you bring women
together and lead them through this transformation.
Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_01: And it reminds me too of a quote from another
wonderful leader, Dr.
Claire Zamet.
And she says, You can't become yourself by yourself.
And it really requires that community to reflect back who
you are, what your gifts are, and inspire and really bring,
put wings into your dreams.
And so I love that too.
And yes, so each one of my books, they're all titles and
themes that are inspiring, motivating, with the idea that
each woman is sharing her own personal journey, what she's
come through, what she's learned along the way, and then sharing
tips or tools or strategies, like something for the reader to
walk away with.
So it really becomes learning together as we go.
And in that process, creating the whole book takes a few
months.
And so in that time, women are coming together.
We have group chats so they can all meet each other.
We have group Zoom meetings, so again, they can introduce
themselves, get to know each other.
And I'm always encouraging them to really make those
connections, like find out what those friends, those
collaborations, those supporting people in their life.
And the next book I've got coming out is called Inspired
Metamorphosis.
And so again, these women are sharing the metamorphosis that
they've gone through in their life, what sparked it, what it
looked like, what they've come through, what's the other end of
it.
And this book, in all of my books, are international
collections of people.
And this book in particular, though, is I think is the most
mixed I've ever had.
We've got women in Dubai, UK, Australia, Germany, Netherlands,
all over the states and Canada.
And so it's a very international group of women.
And in most cases, they never would have met each other before
this.
But they've come together in this way where they're creating
something that's both changing their life as they share that
story and become a published author, but then changing the
lives of the people they're working with.
And then as we release it, changing the lives of the women
who are reading the book and learning from examples as well.
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
I love that ripple effect.
And I'm thinking, like, I got this visual of a pond.
And here at the ramps, we have a pond, and maybe someday you'll
come and be a retreat leader here and bring women into the
ceremony here.
But it's like if you don't drop the rock in the pond, you don't
see the ripple of you dropping your story, putting your chapter
in there and seeing this worldwide.
You know, I've got the world map behind me.
That's possible.
It's possible, but it doesn't always happen if we don't speak
up.
And I think so many people just get stuck in the fear, and
sometimes there are mix-ups.
We potentially had one other guest who was gonna join us, and
who knows what happened, but we proceeded without them.
What about the women who don't make it in for whatever reason?
How do you work with those?
Maybe you have someone who's like, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm
ready, but they can't quite get there.
And I pulled some cards before we started.
So before you answer this question, I'm gonna share with
you what I pulled because I'd love to think about it.
I'm a big fan of Gabby Bernstein, who has some cards
out and they're called the Miracle Now series, is what
we're pulling from.
So I just pulled some cards, and I was thinking about this person
who is maybe gonna show up and then didn't make it.
And this is the card I pulled.
I pray before I pay.
Ah, perfect, yes.
And I actually pulled three cards, popped out.
The qualities I dislike in others are disowned parts of my
shadow.
The shadow work is coming back a lot right now.
So I'd love to hear your thoughts on that one.
And then the last one: the key to getting what I want is to ask
for it.
SPEAKER_01: That's a big one.
SPEAKER_00: Big one.
Go for it.
SPEAKER_01: Yes, I particularly love the last one.
And I'm a big fan also of Jack Canfield.
And that's one of his big things is ask, ask, ask, ask.
You will not get if you do not ask.
Totally.
And I find I would say, especially with women, I think
we tend to not ask that we think, well, we should just
know, we should just figure it out ourselves.
We don't need to lean on others necessarily.
And so we tend to not ask.
And I have found that just by asking, even if the question
seems like a bit crazy, but it's amazing the doors that open just
by asking.
unknown: Yeah.
SPEAKER_01: And so that's a big one for me.
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so big.
And I'm curious, like, if you've had any women who are so close
to being part of a book series, but then at the last minute,
they're like, I can't do it, I'm not doing it, whatever it is.
Probably some imposter syndrome going on, but who knows?
The story.
There's always the story behind the story.
Have you ever gone back and asked them or had an experience
of bringing someone in who was really struggling?
With saying yes to maybe what they really wanted.
SPEAKER_01: Definitely, definitely.
And I think that comes up with a lot of the women that I talked
to about participating in the first place.
And actually, in this inspired metamorphosis book, we have a
very good example of that.
And that one of the women she had written her chapter, she was
all excited about it.
This inspired metamorphosis, of course, is all about positive
life changes.
But I guess in the meantime, while we were working on the
book, she ended up having some major health problems and family
issues came up.
And then she got to a point in her life where she just felt my
chapter doesn't reflect who I am right now.
And she felt that she couldn't put it out because she didn't
feel like that was who she was anymore.
And so she literally pulled out of the book because she's like,
That's not me.
I'm not in a positive place right now to be sharing, like,
yay, look at my metamorphosis.
And which is really sad.
I mean, obviously, I'm giving her an opening to join us in
another book when she feels that she is back to being ready.
But yeah, it's kind of heartbreaking when someone does
go through something like that, and they just feel like, no, my
story's not there to share.
And I had another woman, she was in my first book, and she was
considering joining me in another book.
And she went through a similar thing with the death of her
parents and all these other family things that came up.
And when I contacted her last time about participating in the
book, she literally just said, I have nothing to share.
Like she was just in that kind of mood that she was just like,
nothing, I have nothing to say to the world that will be
positive.
And I'm just like, oh my God, just breaks my heart because I
know that she's someone that has all of this wisdom and she's
come through all these things.
So, yes, it is not unusual for there to be whether it's
imposter syndrome just holding us back, or whether other big
life events have just shifted how we feel and our confidence
with our story, or even that feeling of owning our story.
Like right now, it doesn't feel like this is my story right now.
And that kind of thing.
So it's amazing what people go through, but I always leave
those doors open and I always continue to invite them and
welcome them back and keep them involved in other ways.
So when they are feeling that yes, now is my time, they know
that the opportunity is still here.
SPEAKER_00: That's so powerful.
And I love that open door policy and that we grieve all those who
didn't make it, who signed up.
And then I think the other thing I hear, and this is uh teaching
that's been coming through for me recently, is this idea that
the dream can change.
And I think there's such a paradox in that because it's
like the dream can change, and also it doesn't mean that dream
you had at 20 wasn't real or wasn't true, or if you wrote a
book at 20, that doesn't represent you.
And I think I'm curious because I'm thinking about another guest
that I had on the show recently, but this idea that when I become
an author, I mean there's a lot of ego involved around
authorship, and then is it good enough in actually releasing?
And then I think the flip side of those who have published
multiple books, like you have you start to understand that you
go through the process of making it the best that you can, and
then you release it.
And I'm curious, have you ever pulled back a book or
unpublished anything or any thoughts you have about sort of
that that thing that some people do now?
SPEAKER_01: There's been a couple that we have republished
because there was like whether it was a formatting thing or
just some little error and that kind of thing.
So there's been a couple little things like that where we've
been able to fix it and then just re-release it with those
adjustments.
So luckily we haven't had any major issues, which I really put
down to my publishing team is I trust them completely.
They are amazing, and so I know that they're always doing their
best, which is usually excellent, at making sure that
the editing's done well, the content is as it should be, the
formatting is beautiful, the cover images are well done.
So, yeah, my experience has been very good with the team that I
work with.
SPEAKER_00: Awesome.
And I know there's someone out there listening who's like, I
want to become a published author.
How do I do this?
We will have all these links in the show notes, Kathy.
But if someone's listening and say they're out there riding
their horse or have gloves on doing their gardening, how can
they find you?
How can they become a published author with you?
SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes.
And I always love the multi-author model as the best
way to get started because you just write one chapter,
everything else is done for you.
It's a great way to get started.
And my team also looks after solo books, and so we do all of
those things.
And the best ways to find me, LinkedIn is the social media
that I'm most active on, so definitely look for me there.
I'm also on Facebook and Instagram.
My website is inspiredtenacity.com, and there
you'll find lists of my previous books that are all published.
You can click there and go to Amazon.
There's also a page where you can get free PDF downloads of
many of my books.
So go download a copy and check it out.
And then there's also a list of my current books.
So if you're interested in jumping in, you can go see what
the current titles are and let me know.
You can book a time on my calendar, and I'd love to have
you join us.
SPEAKER_00: Awesome.
Thank you so much, Kathy.
Not just for getting out there, making the decision, writing
your own book, but even more importantly, hats off to you for
passing it on to the next gal and helping bring in the whole
sisterhood of voices and stories that need to be published now.
So, listeners, if you hear this and you're feeling it in you,
make the call.
Go check out inspired tenacity.com, look Kathy up.
That story is ready to be released.
Without further ado, thank you so much for adventure on
everybody.