487 - Don't Kill A Bird With A Baseball with Tom Harrison (Anime Sickos)

Tom Harrison is one of the brain geniuses behind Anime Sickos, my actual favorite podcast in the world. The show is a dissection of the four pillars of modern misery (Anime, Gaming, Posting, and Jobs), and is honestly everything you could possibly want in a podcast. It's funny, insightful, occasionally righteously angry, and genuinely makes me want to make podcasts.

We sat down to play Don't Kill a Bird With a Baseball, an RPG where Randys Johnson from across the multiverse gather to stop our world's Randy Johnson from killing a bird with a baseball.

ANIME SICKOS PODCAST: https://animesickos.com/

DON'T KILL A BIRD WITH A BASEBALL: https://rat-bastard-games.itch.io/dont-kill-a-bird-with-a-baseball

ALL MY FANTASY CHILDREN: https://moonshotpods.com/all-my-fantasy-children/

PARTY OF ONE DISCORD: https://discordapp.com/invite/SxpQKmK

SUPPORT JEFF ON PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/jeffstormer

FOLLOW JEFF ON TWITCH: https://www.twitch.tv/gmjeffstormer

THEME SONG: Mega Ran feat. D&D Sluggers, “Infinite Lives,” RandomBeats LLC, www.megaran.com

[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, party people.

[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome once again to the party of one podcast, the actual play RPG podcast where the gaming table is always set for two.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm host always Jeff Stommer and this week on the show, I'm joined by one of my favorite people in the entire world.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm joined by Tom Harrison of the anime Sickos podcast, my actual favorite podcast in the world for a very special game of don't kill a bird with a baseball.

[SPEAKER_00]: The year is 2001.

[SPEAKER_00]: The day March 24th and you are Randy Johnson, the greatest pitcher of all time.

[SPEAKER_00]: You are 6 foot 10.

[SPEAKER_00]: You are the big unit and today you are going to kill a bird with a baseball.

[SPEAKER_00]: That is unless you can stop it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Don't kill a bird with a baseball as a game where you play a multi-versal collection of Randy's Johnson.

[SPEAKER_00]: coming together to stop Randy Johnson from killing a bird with a baseball.

[SPEAKER_00]: This game is one of the greatest pitches pun intended that I have ever heard.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that we went some truly unhinged places with it.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think they're going to love the game that we played.

[SPEAKER_00]: You can find more information about don't kill a bird with a baseball at ratbastergames.its.io or check the show notes for more information.

[SPEAKER_00]: Now, Tom is returning guests to the show, one of my favorite people, somebody who has the rare lifetime passes to the show.

[SPEAKER_00]: And that is because Tom is one of the host'sivanemy sickos.

[SPEAKER_00]: A podcast for brain geniuses and the only podcast, a show dedicated to unpacking the four pillars of modern misery, anime, gaming, posting, and jobs.

[SPEAKER_00]: I am lucky enough to have been a guest-o on the show twice, one time I sat down with Tom to discuss my favorite movie, wall card, the Do We Cock story.

[SPEAKER_00]: And the other time I sat down with Tom and Joe to play a game of

[SPEAKER_00]: You can check out both of those episodes at animacicos.com.

[SPEAKER_00]: Now, before we dive in, I am going to come to you with a request today.

[SPEAKER_00]: If you are listening to this episode, if you were a fan of the show, I would like for you to go on to social media and tag one person that you think would be a very sick guest for the show.

[SPEAKER_00]: we're doing a lot of like very aggressive outreach to guests who are outside of the sort of usual spaces that we've pulled from in the past and honestly guest outreach has a very big role in that if somebody gets tagged on social media and they say hey I'm not on this podcast but this is a podcast that I like and I think that you should go on and be a guest like that's open doors in the past and I think it could open doors in the future.

[SPEAKER_00]: So that dear listener is my one to call to action for you today is that if there's somebody that you're like hey this

[SPEAKER_00]: go tell them to do the show and then I can follow up and reach out and see what we can make happen.

[SPEAKER_00]: And with all that said, let's go ahead and throw it over to me in the past so that he can get started with the show.

[SPEAKER_00]: Take a past me.

[SPEAKER_00]: Thanks, future me.

[SPEAKER_00]: I got to tell you, uh, I've had a really fantastic weekend.

[SPEAKER_00]: I've done a lot of wonderful things and this still might be the highlight of my weekend.

[SPEAKER_00]: I am sitting down with my dear friend and one of if not my favorite podcast or in the world Tom Harrison Tom, thank you so much for just sitting down with me once

[SPEAKER_01]: I hope so.

[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for having me.

[SPEAKER_01]: My pleasure is the what the hell reward.

[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you, Jeff.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's a delight to be sitting down with you on the great and the lustries party of one podcast.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I've been on this podcast a few times before, but it never gets old.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's always an incredible experience.

[SPEAKER_01]: I look forward to as though a look at forward to to win a prize or perhaps getting paid a beautiful coin.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's, in many ways, it's probably one podcast, like a beautiful coin that you get handed to.

[SPEAKER_01]: You get handed to.

[SPEAKER_01]: I get handed to you by a wonderful dude who is you.

[SPEAKER_00]: This feels great.

[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like I could rip a phone book in half.

[SPEAKER_00]: And also, we've been talking about the game that we are going to be playing today.

[SPEAKER_00]: And it's really got me, it's got me pretty fucked up.

[SPEAKER_00]: But before we dive in, why don't you take a moment, let our lovely listeners and home know about what you got going on, you want them to know about.

[SPEAKER_01]: Uh, if you don't know, I am the guy who is the guy who does anime sickos podcast, which is the podcast the Jeff mentioned just a few seconds ago.

[SPEAKER_01]: It is a podcast that nominally is about the four pillars of modern mystery anime gaming posting in jobs that is but I pitch at least.

[SPEAKER_01]: But over the 240 sound episodes that we have put out, me and my co-host Joe has become clear that what it really is is just a container for me and Joe talking about whatever.

[SPEAKER_01]: Now, that might sound very vague and confusing and not really a compelling pitch.

[SPEAKER_01]: But don't I know how frustrating that is?

[SPEAKER_01]: somehow you beat all the odds and give it a try you will find that the appeal lies in the fact that me and Joe talking is like the most compelling thing in the world and you're immediately in truly I cannot emphasize and I cannot coastline that enough.

[SPEAKER_00]: I will I will shout out that like I think I said this to you last time we recorded but like anime sickos is uh my is my wife producer the show Jen Frank who's probably editing this episode high gent uh it is like hour go to car podcast so like if we have a long drive where there's going to be like 90 minutes to two hours or longer where we're like sitting in the car it's like just pull up whatever episodes of anime sickos ever least since the last time we listen to anime sickos and we will just

[SPEAKER_00]: cruise through all of them, uh, particular episodes for you, the listener that I will shout out here alive, uh, we listen to hundreds of beavers is a gaming, uh, which made us watch hundreds of beavers, which has been a real foundational moment in both of our lives, like, uh, which is both very funny, like, like, like,

[SPEAKER_00]: The thing that I love about anime psychos is that you, uh, and Joe are incredibly smart and funny and insightful and all of those things at once and so like hearing you break down hundreds of beavers through a lens of Yes, there is a there is a DNA of video games in this and when you're watching it, you're seeing all these video game moments unfold is brilliant

[SPEAKER_00]: And then there is the podcast there's Bill of Rights, which you recorded with Riley Hopkins, our fellow dear friend That at many points.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm nodding my head and going like finally someone is speaking for us and that felt important.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yes And I have the chair company episode set aside Because we just finished the chair company and also I need to take a 30 second pause just go what the fuck I know right isn't it?

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh my god

[SPEAKER_00]: I watched the last night, Jen and I went to the movies, and I watched Rear Window, Hitchcock's great movie, and the whole time in the back of my head, I was like, oh, this is the chair cup.

[SPEAKER_00]: The chair cup is also this.

[SPEAKER_01]: Chair cup is what if Rear Window was stupid?

[SPEAKER_01]: What if everyone in it was stupid?

[SPEAKER_01]: And the thing he was worried to, that the mystery is trying to unravel was stupid.

[SPEAKER_00]: That a chair was that he fell in a chair like, it's so funny.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh god, I'm not going to go on a tangent and we're not going to turn this into the chair episode too, but we truly could.

[SPEAKER_00]: Um, I, especially because we have a game in front of us that like, I'm real chomping at the bit.

[SPEAKER_00]: Tom, would you like to say the name of the game and talk about and tell us like the title of the game that we're playing today?

[SPEAKER_01]: Jeff, you've given me, uh, uh, uh, here I was looking at the golden coin in my hand, thinking that I was as lucky as any man could ever be, but now I have handed a second golden coin, which is the ability to say the name of this game and give the pitch.

[SPEAKER_01]: We're going to be playing, don't kill a bird with a baseball colon, a Randy Johnson,

[SPEAKER_01]: that Hall of Fame baseball pitcher Randy Johnson in 2001 during a spring training game did the unthinkable through a baseball pitch which in its flight to the cacher struck a bird deleting that bird existence in a way that unless you see the video I guarantee you cannot imagine what it was

[SPEAKER_00]: is imagine in your mind's eye you are watching you are playing a video game and there are and it is like a like a duck hunt or a or a a a like a clicking game where you have birds and you are clicking and when you click one it like pops in a little cartoon graphic

[SPEAKER_00]: That's what happened that just happens in real time.

[SPEAKER_00]: It like you throws it and there's just a poof and You just go oh god that was a burr

[SPEAKER_01]: No, it's unbelievable.

[SPEAKER_01]: Anyway, this game, in this game, you are Randy Johnson.

[SPEAKER_01]: You might be thinking this is a two player game, which one you're going to be Randy Johnson?

[SPEAKER_01]: You are so far, we are so far past that.

[SPEAKER_01]: Don't worry, we are Randy Johnson.

[SPEAKER_01]: We are all Randy Johnson.

[SPEAKER_01]: We know that in seven hours the game will occur where we kill the bird.

[SPEAKER_01]: How do we know we just know?

[SPEAKER_01]: And we are going to be much like Guts berserk the struggle against fate and attempt to not kill the bird.

[SPEAKER_00]: We are going into the into the Randy Johnson verse to gather Randy Johnson's from across the multiverse Together here in a baseball stadium on March 24, 2001 and we will collectively stop Randy Johnson from killing a bird with a baseball

[SPEAKER_01]: Now I'm looking at the uh... the pdf of this game I knew Randy Johnson's a large fellow I knew his nickname iconic nickname the big unit I'm seeing that he's six ten and six ten wow that's a big that's a big unit if I look at that man I'm gonna come and say that man's the big unit that's for real

[SPEAKER_00]: you know what that he sometimes sometimes you look at a nickname and you go oh that might be ironic like maybe he's not actually but now this is just a straightforward description of that man's physicality for real now this is maybe a redundant question but Tom what are what are you most excited about with this game in particular uh...

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm most excited by the moment where the third Randy Johnson will come in.

[SPEAKER_01]: Because I'm sure that I've spun up a Randy on my null notebook.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm sure you have either, you know, you got the ball rolling at the very least.

[SPEAKER_01]: We got two Randy Johnson's coming up.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think that's going to be pretty exciting.

[SPEAKER_01]: But you know, we're going to introduce a third.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that's when, you know, what this is, is this?

[SPEAKER_01]: you tell a little story you think you have a handle on it and then the game says okay now wouldn't be fun if something completely different happened and that's what i'm that's the moment that's gonna be extra delicious what if he johnson number three when we thought we had a a handle and what it meant to be ready johnson and suddenly don't i'm very excited i'm jotting down uh i'm jotting down

[SPEAKER_00]: I have to decide.

[SPEAKER_00]: I've made my decision.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm jotting down my, uh, my Randy Johnson right now.

[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.

[SPEAKER_00]: I know it.

[SPEAKER_00]: I got it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.

[SPEAKER_00]: I have written down a Randy Johnson.

[SPEAKER_00]: You've got a Randy Johnson.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I agree.

[SPEAKER_00]: When we once we are like in the shit, and we go, oh, I know who the third Randy Johnson must be.

[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, that's when I think it's going to, uh,

[SPEAKER_00]: I think, would you like to, so let me read the opening text of the game and then we will introduce our Randy's Johnson and we will kick off, like set this day to just dive right in.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yep.

[SPEAKER_00]: It is March 24, 2001.

[SPEAKER_00]: You are Randy Johnson, the greatest pitcher of all time.

[SPEAKER_00]: You are six foot ten inches, the big unit.

[SPEAKER_00]: Today, you will kill a bird with a baseball.

[SPEAKER_00]: This event is an inevitable as the fifth-style young award you will receive in 2002.

[SPEAKER_00]: In the dugout of your heart, you know that you will slay a bird with a ball in seven hours.

[SPEAKER_00]: You have six hours before the game begins and hour after that, you will kill the bird with a ball.

[SPEAKER_00]: they say you cannot stop destiny.

[SPEAKER_00]: They say you must become an avian executioner, but what they don't know is that you are not alone.

[SPEAKER_00]: By tugging at the threads of fate, you pull other Randy Johnson into your reality, they come from different worlds, different histories, some aren't even pitchers, and yet they are too bound by capricious forces to slay the bird.

[SPEAKER_00]: Perhaps by working together, we can find a way to save it.

[SPEAKER_00]: There is still time to repair, there is time to make peace with what will come to pass.

[SPEAKER_00]: There is time to struggle against destiny.

[SPEAKER_00]: What will you and your fellow Randy's Johnson do before the clock runs out?

[SPEAKER_01]: Wow.

[SPEAKER_01]: So that's it.

[SPEAKER_01]: What a game.

[SPEAKER_01]: So I think by JD Clement at Rat Bastard games, I think it's worth it.

[SPEAKER_01]: JD Clement must be sent.

[SPEAKER_00]: JD Clement, you have created a transcendent piece of art here and we have not started playing.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm so excited.

[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for this gift.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think that we open.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think that way that I think this has to open, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: If I'm visualizing the, if I'm visualizing the film, the structure of this in my mind is like six hours before the game, the diamond bat, the Arizona Diamondbacks have made it into the stadium, you know, the field is still being mode like the space is still getting like set up in Randy Johnson.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like the Randy Johnson prime is sitting in in the in the locker room having been struck with a terrible realization Like a you know fully formed in his mind The knowledge has formed from some sort of cosmic source

[SPEAKER_01]: It's one of the, it's a revelation that cannot be explained.

[SPEAKER_01]: It does not follow the laws of rationality, but to deny it, to say no, I must be hallucinating is so patently absurd that none could try to say that it was, you know, a trick of the mind, a fever dream.

[SPEAKER_00]: I want to kick this even up a notch further because, uh, I think what we need to see, what is the, what is Randy Johnson doing when he is struck by a Christopher walk in dead zone style, like flash forward to the future that will come to pass.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like what is the, what is he touch?

[SPEAKER_00]: What is, what is, what is the activity that he does that brings this moment into

[SPEAKER_01]: I think as as a sort of a, you know, storyteller of a sort, you got to hit him at his weakest moment, or he's most vulnerable.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm saying he's got his little towel on.

[SPEAKER_01]: He's coming from the showers.

[SPEAKER_01]: He's a right up.

[SPEAKER_01]: He's right about to open his locker and put on his baseballs outfit.

[SPEAKER_01]: when it just hit he knows he knows when you get ready for this game and you got and start pitching the it's happening and so I mean it's shame to happen right after showering but it's called sweat breaks out you know for sure showering you know

[SPEAKER_00]: That's disappointing, you know, it feels bad.

[SPEAKER_00]: And like, I think that we the viewer see it unfold.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like he opens his locker and there's the little like vanity mirror.

[SPEAKER_00]: And we see it play out in that, and he is struck with that knowledge of absolute certainty.

[SPEAKER_00]: And as he closes the locker, there are two Randy's Johnson that are standing on either side of him.

[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god, I had a hat Jeff, I had a thought and I'm glad that I was wrong.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know, I'm not meaning to push back on this, but I had the thought, the assumption I should say that this Randy Johnson was one of our two Randy Johnson, the fact that he's neither that is fucking.

[SPEAKER_00]: This is why we must go, Randy John, help the true Randy John.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like it is our job collectively to stop the, to stop this Randy John, my Randy Johnson.

[SPEAKER_01]: the the range Johnson we're speaking of now is the big unit my range Johnson is the protein unit Great fuck yeah What does that mean?

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I mean, I could tell you his stats, but that's not interesting Levi's just to say I have Allocated his stats and accordance with the rules of the game.

[SPEAKER_01]: What is more interesting is my special trait which is I am an anamorph but not birds.

[SPEAKER_01]: I can't do birds Thus

[SPEAKER_00]: What?

[SPEAKER_01]: My two desires.

[SPEAKER_01]: The first desire is common to all Randy Johnson's.

[SPEAKER_01]: Save the bird.

[SPEAKER_01]: My second desire unique to me, the protein unit is become the bird.

[SPEAKER_00]: I am so excited that you have gone in this direction because I get to now share with you who my Randy Johnson is.

[SPEAKER_00]: I am Randy Johnson,

[SPEAKER_00]: No!

[SPEAKER_00]: And my special trait is that I am a bird man.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so mine is that I must save the bird, but also I must, I must redeem myself for the crime that I have committed against my fellow birds.

[SPEAKER_00]: I must earn redemption.

[SPEAKER_00]: I must earn forgiveness.

[SPEAKER_01]: are you like visibly a bird and oh yeah oh no clearly I'm a bird man like imagine imagine if Randy Johnson was a bird man that's my that's my Randy Johnson okay can I just like can I just time in on the scene right away and and the friday and unit is like whoa how'd you do that do what sorry crying one I'll get to you you're

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, okay, let me show you.

[SPEAKER_01]: And he animals into like a hybrid tiger, man.

[SPEAKER_01]: He's like, so obviously we can all do this, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: And he goes back to normal.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, I can't do bird.

[SPEAKER_01]: Bird is so hard.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know what is, I got a mental, but I got the yips about bird.

[SPEAKER_01]: You got bird down.

[SPEAKER_01]: How do you do that?

[SPEAKER_00]: What do we think Randy Johnson's vertical leap is?

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, what do we imagine?

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, what's got to be, got to be elite?

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, what do we think Randy Johnson could straight up leap up?

[SPEAKER_00]: Because he does leap.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's his full vertical leap in the air when he is confronted by a full-sized birdman and an animal.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, Straits Johnson can dunk a basketball with relative ease.

[SPEAKER_00]: Great.

[SPEAKER_00]: We see that.

[SPEAKER_00]: We see that full size leap.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think like the trader is unit like Cox's head in the way that a bird Cox, like that full 90 degree tilt.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then comes up and it starts like, you know, picking a flea off of his shoulders.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like,

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what you're talking about.

[SPEAKER_00]: This is just who I am.

[SPEAKER_00]: What are you?

[SPEAKER_00]: How do you do that?

[SPEAKER_00]: You can take forms beyond that that you were birthed with.

[SPEAKER_00]: This is this is a fascinating skill.

[SPEAKER_00]: You guys can't morph you guys.

[SPEAKER_00]: No, I don't know.

[SPEAKER_00]: I am simply Randy Johnson at all times.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I'm always ready, please.

[SPEAKER_01]: When I turn into a bear, I'm not a different bear.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm me morphed into a bear.

[SPEAKER_01]: Example, I turned into a bear in front of everybody.

[SPEAKER_01]: Lady Johnson is curled up in a corner.

[SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely terrifying.

[SPEAKER_01]: I look over and I'm like, what was your fucking problem, then we're already Johnson here.

[SPEAKER_00]: I put it's not, this is, this is so important because I think this is a thing that comes up anytime you introduce the concept of a bird man that I need to like, it's not angel wings to be clear.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's ours.

[SPEAKER_00]: They are arms.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, yeah, it's arms and one of them will fit into a large glove at some point.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like let's make that clear.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, not that down.

[SPEAKER_00]: He puts like a feathered the edge of like of his wing arm on your shoulders as my friend.

[SPEAKER_00]: he has not had the moment yet.

[SPEAKER_00]: This is his this is a awakening into the into the the the possibilities of the multiverse.

[SPEAKER_00]: It is on us to welcome him into this and to let him know that we are here to help and to

[SPEAKER_00]: Stop what is to pass.

[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god.

[SPEAKER_01]: I look at the I more back into a normal guy I look at the carrying Randy Johnson.

[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know my friend.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is your first.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is the first day You haven't done it yet.

[SPEAKER_00]: This is the first this is the first this is the first loop This is our this is our chance to break the chain if we break it here Maybe we can break it in all of our worlds and maybe

[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe I can go home.

[SPEAKER_01]: You must really felt like a piece of shit in the bird.

[SPEAKER_00]: You have no idea the pain and the misery.

[SPEAKER_00]: Bird shall not kill bird.

[SPEAKER_00]: It is the sacred law of the bird of the avian parliament.

[SPEAKER_00]: It is the sacred law.

[SPEAKER_00]: Bird shell not killed bird shell kill bug and fish.

[SPEAKER_00]: And cat and small bowl and animal.

[SPEAKER_00]: But bird shell not killed bird.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's the lesson.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's the world I wouldn't mind living in myself.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I learn I come from.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like especially good at animal.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to make it.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to.

[SPEAKER_01]: you know set your expectations to buy is what I can do right now is not crazy you see it's all the time but uh... most people what they got like cat uh... they got like uh... i don't know map mouse maybe one or two guys you'll find they have like uh... they have like wolf yeah uh... me and you all you saw i could do i prepared i bears remarkable i mean we could use bear

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, for real.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm really proud of myself.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, that's why I'm ending the protein unit, but like, I don't know.

[SPEAKER_01]: Ever since I was a little kid looking up that sky, one thing I only wanted to be, only thing I ever wanted to be was a bird.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I figured out those other animals were practiced.

[SPEAKER_01]: Once I got the basics and the advanced methods down, I could become a bird.

[SPEAKER_01]: Can't do it.

[SPEAKER_01]: In fact, I hate a bird with a baseball.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't even like baseball.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't system money.

[SPEAKER_01]: I was just doing that so that I could make money to invest in my bird and a more free search.

[SPEAKER_01]: But now, man, it's all sour because of that.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think once we break the cycle and we bring peace and we maybe maybe in the back of your mind.

[SPEAKER_00]: Randy Johnson is just watching this unfold.

[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe in the back of your mind, you knew that this moment would come, and you knew that that you knew that the bird would explode in front of you, and it was that you needed to make peace with this, and we needed to resolve this before you can unlock that block in your brain.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's probably true.

[SPEAKER_00]: You know, Mark my words, I will deliver this for you.

[SPEAKER_00]: as true as we are both Randy Johnson soon to be five times a young award winning Hall of Fame baseball pictures.

[SPEAKER_01]: I put my hand on the trader's unit's shoulder.

[SPEAKER_01]: I would go to speak, but I'm stopped because I feel the feathers and I feel that hang of jealousy, but I'm like it's not his fault.

[SPEAKER_01]: He didn't take it from you.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I say brother,

[SPEAKER_01]: as much as you promise that God damn it do I believe that I promise you this.

[SPEAKER_01]: By the end of this day, it will be a redeemed man.

[SPEAKER_01]: You can go back to meet your bird buddies, head held high, be held high.

[SPEAKER_01]: How you have a worm in it, even?

[SPEAKER_01]: A worm?

[SPEAKER_01]: You might have a real worm, but I was thinking of going to be a metaphorical worm of redemption.

[SPEAKER_01]: And though I'll be glad, and you'll see your little bird babies and you'll vomit the metaphorical vomit of clean conscience into their mouth and then the worm of the grunt that I shall feast on today will be the greatest grub of triumphant that has ever been feasted upon the fastest worm that has ever been devoured.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I once again be whole, I think it's spinning on, almost at heels, but it's talons.

[SPEAKER_00]: Spinning on his talons, extending a feathered hand to Randy Johnson, Randy Johnson.

[SPEAKER_00]: If you want to defy fate, will you join us?

[SPEAKER_00]: You must come with us if you want to not kill a bird with a baseball.

[SPEAKER_01]: So it's one of two is the third is the is the civilian Randy Johnson from earth crime is that just a roll.

[SPEAKER_01]: We I think it's take up.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think it's just a roll.

[SPEAKER_00]: We pick up.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think it's just I think that he's just you know we how I think that we now face the dilemma and I think this is where this is where play opens up and we just are we just start making roles in trying to fight the friction of our of our fate.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, how do you stop Randy Johnson from killing a bird with a baseball.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's an excellent question.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think that if I am putting my mind into the role of prime Randy Johnson in this moment, who has prior to this insane thing happening to him, I mean, like, the previously insane thing was, I have been given a revelation of faith.

[SPEAKER_01]: So like, that part doesn't need convincing.

[SPEAKER_01]: He knows that something unusual is happening and the bird's gonna get him.

[SPEAKER_01]: and it's in a second in saying the thing.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think he's like sort of there, but I think the first thing he's got to say, powering in the corner is are all Randy Johnson's animal people.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think he has a fear that like deep down and like they're gonna, it's like don't you know, you've been six, 10 because you're a ape man, Randy.

[SPEAKER_00]: So he's like, are we all, are we all animal guys?

[SPEAKER_00]: I think I think I think I think the trader is unit looks at the protein unit and looks at Randy Johnson and lets out a laugh No, I see why you would be confused, but no, this is

[SPEAKER_00]: There are an infinite number of Randy Johnson's for an infinite number of worlds that are unfortunately bound together by a single reality.

[SPEAKER_00]: It seems strictly by the nature of this event that we have.

[SPEAKER_00]: the luck of the draw has placed you among uh animal animal bound randy's johnson but know that there are as many randy johnson's in the war in the universe as there are as there are stars in the sky uh the protein unit is going to say i don't want to spend too much time on this because i want to focus on this guy here but i just just nod or shake your head can you fly can you fly because you can be a birdman this big

[SPEAKER_00]: God, can I, this is such a great question for Jeff to unpack of like, imagine a bird looks upon you with a sort of cocky assuredness that he's about to blow your mind, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: uh i gen and i have been watching dinosaurs uh recently we've been binging that's been our that's been our bing watch and like the same way that they do a lot of very impressive uh puppetry work to give those dinosaurs expressive faces that unfolds here at my beak

[SPEAKER_00]: and I own for all my arms and I give a big flap and I effortlessly leap into the air.

[SPEAKER_00]: And like, uh, and by flapping my arms, I'm floating in the sky, uh, like a dancer, like a dancer on a moon beam.

[SPEAKER_01]: I just kind of like bite my lip and like a frustrated way, not the not the horny way and just like ah god damn it and I have to like take a breath and it's like it's not he didn't take it from you like it's different um so I turned that take out of the way I turned to Brandy Johnson Prime and I'm like

[SPEAKER_01]: I think probably the smartest thing to do is like what's your gimmick?

[SPEAKER_01]: Like what's your, you know, like you see what our gimmicks are?

[SPEAKER_01]: What's your crazy thing?

[SPEAKER_00]: I think Randy Johnson stands up and like kind of like is clearly is clearly like haunted.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like it's clearly like I don't know that I have anything but I do Jeff I think does have something.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give me give

[SPEAKER_00]: And it's done photography work for NFL games and a tour of the rock band rush and a great deal of wild life photography

[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, you're the A'slam's unit, I understand.

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, you're the A'slam's unit.

[SPEAKER_01]: Cool, okay, well, here we are.

[SPEAKER_01]: We're gonna struggle against fate.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't have step one, always is a struggle for me.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think that's why I can't get the verb.

[SPEAKER_00]: I guess that's the question.

[SPEAKER_00]: This is the idle dreaming question for Tom and Jeff, which is like,

[SPEAKER_00]: How do you stop?

[SPEAKER_00]: How do you stop Randy Johnson from it?

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, there are approaches we could take, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: Isn't that Randy Johnson cannot play baseball today?

[SPEAKER_00]: Is it that we must, that that birds must not be allowed in the stadium?

[SPEAKER_00]: Is it that the game must not happen?

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, what is the, you know, how, how where do we want to start?

[SPEAKER_00]: Because like, obviously, I don't necessarily, I think even even the trader is unit is like, I don't necessarily want to.

[SPEAKER_00]: We need to have backup plans.

[SPEAKER_00]: in case the first plan doesn't go to plan.

[SPEAKER_00]: So like we must start small so that we have something to fall back on.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to start at 11 and then be trapped against a wall.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's a good point.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, first thought, best thought, try to get our manager to to believe that Randy Johnson can't pitch today.

[SPEAKER_01]: That failing that we can act as bird lookouts on other side of the stadium, failing that there's always a bomb threat.

[SPEAKER_00]: We can all

[SPEAKER_00]: This is this is there's going to be a lot of panic to Google if we can convince Bob Bradley manager of the 2001 air is on a diamond backs to to let Randy Johnson not pitch of the spring training game.

[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe that maybe that solves it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe if Randy Johnson doesn't throw out a pitch today, then a bird is not struck.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's a good idea.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I know Bob Bradley from my university is my manager.

[SPEAKER_01]: Of course, he is a very reasonable man.

[SPEAKER_01]: He could actually morph into an octopus, which is very rare.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's just that he was all.

[SPEAKER_01]: I was the only thing he could.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think that's a very, I think we got to do that.

[SPEAKER_00]: The Bob Bentley in my universe was, was a coward.

[SPEAKER_00]: He was also a chicken, but like that was unrelated to his cowardice.

[SPEAKER_00]: Those were two unrelated facts.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's got to be tough.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, even if you're a sort of a progressive minded person, you have that internalized racism just from growing up in that society, you know, you see a chicken you think a chicken you say, I mean, I wouldn't think I'm thinking it right now.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so, you know, I think we need to convince Bob Brentley that that that Brandy Johnson.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, Randy, and Sal Adams unit.

[SPEAKER_00]: Do you think that you could convert?

[SPEAKER_00]: Do you feel like you have an excuse, do you think you have an anti-fanty Johnson is having such a full meltdown that one of us will have to pretend to be the prime Randy Johnson and get out of and get him out of pitching today.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I think the answer to Adam's unit, he's like, well, I'm not lying, but I say that I'm emotionally unprepared with this game.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I wouldn't even be a gag.

[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, I can't handle this.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm having a full-plug mental and emotional crisis.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think, yeah, let's do it.

[SPEAKER_00]: All right, great.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's a hot, like, okay, I'm sitting here staring at this situation.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm like, yeah, he actually has a pretty good excuse.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think Randy, we watch Randy Prime walk into the manager's office and Brody, you did the traitors unit are like hiding behind a behind a corner and like watching.

[SPEAKER_00]: And Bob Brentley just starts ripping into Randy Johnson.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like obviously this is just, you know, you think you're two, you think you're two big of a deal to play in string training?

[SPEAKER_00]: You think that you're too big of a star to go out there just because this isn't a game that has anything on the line.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like you are a part of this team you are part of the Arizona Diamondback and you were going to go out there and play because no player is larger than the system and is larger than the team.

[SPEAKER_01]: The protein unit is going to just be like, fuck it.

[SPEAKER_01]: And as I'm animal or thin to a bear and prepare to roll my big stat, I say in my human voice, because I can speak in my human voice in any more form, but you know, they don't know that.

[SPEAKER_01]: I say, oh, no, there's a bear in the stadium.

[SPEAKER_01]: I kind of trunculate the office.

[SPEAKER_01]: In bear form, I will now roll my big.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you're going to roll big.

[SPEAKER_00]: Bro, big when you are using your size to your advantage and doing anything

[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, brother, you're not going to believe this.

[SPEAKER_01]: I have to roll 10 or under.

[SPEAKER_01]: I roll 11 and there's no chance I'm going to use one of my re-rolls on this because I would love for you Jeff Stormer to tell me why a bear Fucking breaking in to Bob Brent Lee's office has standy chance to try to get out of pitching in the spring training game Does it not move the needle?

[SPEAKER_00]: Um, at that moment, um, at that moment, you hear as you tear into the room, you also hear, uh, you also hear from the other side of the room.

[SPEAKER_00]: damn right there's a bear in the state that right there's a bear in the locker room uh... and we all recognize the unmasked ankle voice of Jerry collangelo uh... owner and managing general partner in the Arizona time and back since 2001 uh... is there a baseball this is this is a terrible question is there a baseball team called the bears there's not no there's the comes is it comes

[SPEAKER_00]: We are putting the cubs to shame.

[SPEAKER_00]: I have announcing an exciting development when we go live at opening day in a couple weeks.

[SPEAKER_00]: We will no longer be the Arizona Diamondbacks and he like points to a frame jersey on the wall.

[SPEAKER_00]: The Arizona Desert Bears are the hottest team in Major League Baseball.

[SPEAKER_00]: And you can see it's like a real actual barriers.

[SPEAKER_00]: You know, the real life bear was maybe, uh, I don't know.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know who on production thought that was a great idea, but you know what?

[SPEAKER_00]: Fine.

[SPEAKER_00]: We're feeling excited.

[SPEAKER_00]: Look at this bear and know the excitement that goes into this rebranded tea.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm so sort of taken aback by this that I imagine like a cartoon fair sitting on his butt legs out like a person sitting down and I've won arm cross and the other arm on top of that with my one finger sort of tapping my chin like.

[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't think it would go like this.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think at this point, because I mean, it's not difficult for me to more foot it isn't an effort.

[SPEAKER_01]: I just sort of let it relax, and I turn into normal, normal looking Randy Johnson just sitting on the floor, like, huh?

[SPEAKER_00]: I, Tom, I have like an immediate question for you.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm building a character on the fly because I think we do, I think I do, I think at this moment, I do need,

[SPEAKER_00]: stats for the brandy johnson the answer items unit the unit are prime randy johnson uh... we are going to assign these stats in real time and make a character we have three stats in don't kill a bird with a don't kill a bird with a baseball we have baseball which you roll for baseball things pitching which you roll to pitch and big when you roll with big are our prime randy johnson where do we want to put a ten and eight in the six i mean prime randy johnson from the world we live in a got to say pitching is the ten

[SPEAKER_00]: Yep.

[SPEAKER_00]: That feels great.

[SPEAKER_00]: And then maybe, maybe baseball eight big six.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: That feels good.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, when you got a birdman and a protein man, you feel, you feel, you feel small.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, this is a, his big, this has been, has been challenged.

[SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm.

[SPEAKER_00]: Great because I need to make a role for I need to make a role a baseball role for the Ansel Adams unit because I think like I think he sees a an opportunity here, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, that's a seven That's a success His friction which is the the degree to which time is going to push against him to kill a bird with a baseball Rears up to two, but I think he walks out and he goes, hey, hey, hey, whoa whoa

[SPEAKER_00]: You're telling me you're going to rebrand the team and he kind of like throws a wink to the both of us.

[SPEAKER_01]: Uh-huh.

[SPEAKER_00]: We like that.

[SPEAKER_00]: Another big example of you is the owner of this team trying to put money before, you know, we've already got, you know, this is part of our identity.

[SPEAKER_00]: You know, the diamond backs.

[SPEAKER_00]: I've already given press interviews where I said how much it meant to be a diamond back.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, the fans.

[SPEAKER_00]: The fans, you know, we're gonna tell them they got to buy all new merch just to squeeze a couple to I'm not playing I am not playing as a desert bear.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a diamond back.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'll see.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'll see you tomorrow and I think like he like walks out And I think Jerry is fuming and demanding that he playing is like you'll play as a bear you won't play at all Oh, God, this is requires an action.

[SPEAKER_01]: What will the protein unit do?

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to just walk up to him and as another Randy Johnson be like Bob, it's me, Randy Johnson again.

[SPEAKER_01]: There's two of us, there's three of us, but the third one's hiding.

[SPEAKER_01]: I just need you to understand that today is a very unusual day, not just because of that horrible news about the rebrand.

[SPEAKER_01]: I tell you, no, guys.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know what you can do, you can sell a rebrand when the team is named after a slur.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know which teams I'm talking about, they'll get to them.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm also from the future.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if I may that clear anyway.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, well, they finally changed the slur team names.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, they will.

[SPEAKER_00]: Well, great.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's a win for everybody.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's unclear by changing the actors.

[SPEAKER_00]: Even right now in 2001, that's decades overdue.

[SPEAKER_01]: Right, there's an ascendant fascist movement that really wants to change him back, and they might, I don't know, might pull it off, they've an incredible amount of power.

[SPEAKER_01]: But the point I'm trying to make is, we're not pitching today, buddy.

[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm, this is, this is pitch, I'm literally pitching.

[SPEAKER_00]: You're pitching, you're, you're, you're pitching, it does say when you throw something carbs on the or pitch and idea.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's a six and my pitching is eight.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's a success.

[SPEAKER_00]: Your friction goes up by one.

[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, we are continuing to to push against the bounds of reality.

[SPEAKER_00]: And we are making it more and more likely that Randy Johnson will not pitch today.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think Jerry is like, I.

[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, you know, I just, I really want the team to win its fourth, it's fourth MLB championship.

[SPEAKER_00]: I really want us to win the pen at this year.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I think 2001 could be the year that the Arizona Diamond Bears take the pen.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think this could be the year.

[SPEAKER_00]: This could be the year when,

[SPEAKER_00]: This could be the year when we go all the way and I just I want us to be, you know, I want us to be able to look back when we beat the Yankees in seven games.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think that I want this to be the only major men's professional sports championship for the Phoenix area.

[SPEAKER_00]: I want that.

[SPEAKER_00]: for Arizona, and I think maybe with a rebrand and a new identity, we could do it.

[SPEAKER_00]: We could beat the Yankees in seven games and bring the only major men's professional sports championship to the Phoenix area, a title that I don't know could live for 25 years.

[SPEAKER_01]: Brother, I hear you say that and I was brings a tear to my eye how much I feel you're incredible passion.

[SPEAKER_01]: I love it.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I share that.

[SPEAKER_01]: And as I hear you, as I hear you speak with such power and your voice, I can't help but remember my own passion.

[SPEAKER_01]: Becoming a bird.

[SPEAKER_01]: Here's the thing.

[SPEAKER_01]: I can't be a bird.

[SPEAKER_01]: You saw me be a bear.

[SPEAKER_00]: You saw me be a bear, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: I have questions about how you became a bear.

[SPEAKER_00]: I do admittedly have questions about that.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm trying I'm focusing on the rebrand right now.

[SPEAKER_00]: A lot of logistic goes into rebranding a baseball team.

[SPEAKER_00]: But I do have questions about how you changed into a bear.

[SPEAKER_00]: Good.

[SPEAKER_01]: Stay on that.

[SPEAKER_01]: Keep that in your mind because doesn't that, you know,

[SPEAKER_01]: some's weird about today.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's almost like we know a little more about today than you might, and you should take our word, well, I mean, obviously we want to be world series champions.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's great to be world series champions.

[SPEAKER_01]: We've all been world series champions in this, oh, I'm sorry.

[SPEAKER_01]: Oops, spoiler.

[SPEAKER_01]: Anyway, this is this spring training game.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think we let

[SPEAKER_00]: There's to say, uh, I'm going to have you.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to step in.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to make, I think I have to make a role here, because I think when you say that, Jerry, Jerry Collangelo, 2001 owner of the Arizona Diamondbacks, now the Desert Bears has a moment, like, who has been for the record, remarkably chill with every single thing that you revealed.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think this is the one thing that really, like,

[SPEAKER_00]: call gifts him pause like turning into a bear.

[SPEAKER_00]: He's got questions fine.

[SPEAKER_00]: You know from the future fine rebranding some sports teams with a with terrible and horrible names decades overdue.

[SPEAKER_00]: But I think it's when you say we're already already all world series champions like that's when his eyes go wide.

[SPEAKER_00]: He's like so will

[SPEAKER_00]: So we're going to win.

[SPEAKER_00]: So we're going to win.

[SPEAKER_00]: We don't need the rebrand.

[SPEAKER_00]: All right.

[SPEAKER_00]: Well, then get the other Randy Johnson out here because we're going to ball as the diamond backs and we're taking this season all the way.

[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, we're taking this season all the way.

[SPEAKER_00]: Let's go.

[SPEAKER_01]: I sort of look at these still hiding traders unit and do it like a little collar tug like now let's switch rules.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think I think like I think like he's running out of the room.

[SPEAKER_00]: Everybody's running.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think Randy Johnson.

[SPEAKER_00]: The Ansel Adams unit is furious at us and I think like a solemn bird look on his face.

[SPEAKER_00]: His beak clenching.

[SPEAKER_00]: points out at the field and is like be out there to make sure that nothing happens.

[SPEAKER_00]: I have my I have my job to do and like walks out dramatically taking off his baseball jersey.

[SPEAKER_00]: To let his to let his feathered his feathered toward so his feathered his feathered hindquarters.

[SPEAKER_00]: uh... breathe and like let's like bleak the flaps his arms and takes off into the sky and is going to attempt to ward birds out of the area uh... what do we think this is i mean i think i'm like i'm sending out a warning call

[SPEAKER_01]: to like either because you're pitching the idea of staying away or big which is like you're just you're you are physically pitching.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think pitching feels right.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I'll take that.

[SPEAKER_00]: All right.

[SPEAKER_00]: So I got a roll.

[SPEAKER_00]: My pitching is an eight.

[SPEAKER_00]: that is an eight.

[SPEAKER_00]: That is a success.

[SPEAKER_01]: Friction goes up by one, I'll say, okay, I'll, I'll, I'll, as you're up there doing your cacao, you're, you're getting horrible flashbacks to your first loop.

[SPEAKER_01]: Because I mean, you're up there and what do you expect and you're like, you're expecting to be like, hey, bird, you get out of here.

[SPEAKER_01]: Did you, you're, you're slipping here and there, you're keeping your head on a swivel, you're, you're making sure the threats are low.

[SPEAKER_01]: But unfortunately, it's again, a horrible flashback to that day, which is, hardly any birds around at all.

[SPEAKER_00]: Can I, can I describe to you, uh, the flashback?

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I've got a very clear visual in my head.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, yes.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know where, I don't know where this, this is a, this is a Jeff, this is a sidebar between Jeff and Tom.

[SPEAKER_00]: Where does the visual, the sci-fi visual come from?

[SPEAKER_00]: Is it the Twilight Zone episode of the, of the court that sits on the high pedestals and looks down at somebody who has chains on their wrists and at single spotlight?

[SPEAKER_00]: Is that the Twilight Zone episode?

[SPEAKER_00]: Do you know what I'm talking about?

[SPEAKER_00]: Every single side of I think every side of I think has done a tribunal court where there's been a guy in spotlight and a bunch of people in high bed is still smoking and deep voices at I mean if it's not I don't know if it's so I like its own originated event sure they did it and I'm seeing it exactly is like there's death that I think that's what we're seeing but they're all birds

[SPEAKER_01]: And they're like, the traitorous unit.

[SPEAKER_01]: The first time that name has been used for you.

[SPEAKER_01]: You used to be one of the other hand at me.

[SPEAKER_01]: And they're like, the traitorous unit, you stand convicted of killing a bird.

[SPEAKER_01]: And there weren't even that many birds out that day.

[SPEAKER_01]: It was a low bird day and somehow you found it in yourself to kill one of the few birds around.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, we're bird men.

[SPEAKER_00]: We don't get a good man.

[SPEAKER_00]: They're a bird man and they're a birds and birds and birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds don't kill birds, birds don't kill birds don't kill

[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, yeah, yes, you see all the there's big spot like Spottles to turn on that sound, you know, Trying to each one is like a member of your family and they turn they pointed you and say guilty

[SPEAKER_00]: No, no, I can change it.

[SPEAKER_00]: I can change it.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I, um, hands still, uh, wings still manicled, uh, do like a double axe handle on the bay lift.

[SPEAKER_00]: So I just right him with these big heavy sci-fi chains and I run out of the room.

[SPEAKER_00]: And, uh, we see like flashes of a madcap chase sequence and I'm confronted by the fact that, like, I've startled the birds that are here, but there are not many birds around.

[SPEAKER_00]: The maybe the confrontation and maybe we flashback to what the protein unit is doing and how we are contributing because now players are on the field right like the play is now happening.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think like we have or like we are like at least doing like the like the camera playing cash.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, we're doing grounders is throwing from you know all the basement for two each other.

[SPEAKER_00]: fans are starting to show up, you know, where a few hours before the game, like tailgating is happening, and I think that the cutaway is that there are not many birds, and I have startled off many of the birds, but...

[SPEAKER_00]: There is one bird in particular, the bird that is unbothered by seemingly any amount of noise, such as a stadium full of people and announcing teams and music and organs and all of the things that might still have the confidence to fly down in front of the field in front of Randy Johnson's baseball.

[SPEAKER_01]: Um, to I as the protein unit get this said you do like I still look up and I see you are focusing on one bird his like I was sure hoping to be like a lot of birds and you get them all way but like again that that's the irony it was bird light day.

[SPEAKER_00]: you'd think it would be on a heavy day for that I think you see a lot of them fly away and there is that initial kind of moment of like oh my god he did it oh my god the trader has unit has gotten his redemption and but now you see that like I on one side of the stadium there is a single bird on a wire and on the opposite wire on the opposite side there is a six-foot-10 bird man okay yeah actually the same way

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to turn to the answer to Adam's unit and says I say try to stall, I don't know, do something, I'm going to go, I think that's the birth and I'm going to turn into a monkey, I'm going to turn into one of those monkeys at the zoo that's that's given, I'm going to turn into a given.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm going to start climbing up the stadium in an attempt to reach the roof so that we may do a pincerm tactic against this bird.

[SPEAKER_01]: What would that role be?

[SPEAKER_00]: I think this might be this this might be big because you are I'm going to say this is big specifically because you are fighting against you are you're inherent bigness.

[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, okay.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think this is or unless you think it might be baseball because you are you are You are hypothetically running bases.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I'm running.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm trying to get to places in the baseball Yeah, I'm not on the field that feels based that feels baseball.

[SPEAKER_01]: E also baseball is my lowest stat Which is more chance of failure, which is more funny Well, didn't matter.

[SPEAKER_01]: I rolled a five.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm all right.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm up on the roof and we are that the bruh are incredibly good It's stopping Randy Johnson from hitting a burn with the baseball

[SPEAKER_00]: And so I, I, I, and up on the roof with you on the side of it, and I say, is this the bird, I give a, I give a, I give like a solemn nod and like, I think, I think, I think, I don't want to do, I want to, I want to, I want to throw pitching here, I want to roll pitching here, I think I.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to fly it you to knock you off of this off of this wire and I think like as I'm doing this, I kind of give you like a very stern look.

[SPEAKER_00]: Here's my plan.

[SPEAKER_00]: An animal predator has just come on this on this wire to attack this bird, the bird.

[SPEAKER_00]: You think I'm a normal given?

[SPEAKER_00]: I think I know that you are the Randy, you are the Brody, you did it.

[SPEAKER_00]: But like I think we can convince this bird that a predator has come to kill it.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: And that I, as a fellow bird, as a bird man, I'm earning its trust so we can have a moment so I can warn it about what is to come.

[SPEAKER_02]: Mm-hmm.

[SPEAKER_02]: Okay.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think that's a little bit of a little bit of a little pitching to try and convince this bird.

[SPEAKER_01]: But that is a 12.

[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, you're, you're friction hot sauce.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm gonna let it, I'm gonna let it go because I'm at already at a friction of two and I wanna know what you, what a friction of two was a major inconvenience with peers between you.

[SPEAKER_00]: For example, a door that should be open is booby-trapped, breaks, stop working, more birds appear on the field.

[SPEAKER_00]: You get caught in a big net that the commissioner has made especially just for you.

[SPEAKER_00]: what happens in this moment as I like fly towards you arms extended to like knock you off of a wire and earn the trust of this other bird.

[SPEAKER_01]: It seems almost too simple, but in a way is that not the sign of it being correct.

[SPEAKER_01]: That is that is that.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think sometimes the option that feels too logical is that is the correct one.

[SPEAKER_01]: You flying towards towards this given and attempt to convince the bird that it is something that it must fly away from far, far away.

[SPEAKER_01]: by the hands of fate.

[SPEAKER_01]: So, too, does this bird know?

[SPEAKER_01]: It knows deep, deep down.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not killed by a given on the roof of the spring training facility.

[SPEAKER_01]: I am killed by Randy Johnson's pitch and a bird's mind is not meant to know such truths and you know what actually happens is much in the way there are many Randy Johnson's here.

[SPEAKER_01]: We see that sort of crack in reality, we know so well from all the times we have

[SPEAKER_01]: tried to try it again to undo this horrible fate and through that crack flies like seven to us identical birds if we were a bird and I know you were a bird man but if you were the type of bird that this bird is a seagull you would think that each seagull has a ridiculous gimmick that is obvious at a glance we think there are seven identical seagulls

[SPEAKER_01]: uh, and they fly all through what they, they completely spread out to keep it now, no cluster.

[SPEAKER_00]: Unfortunately, unfortunately, I must put, I must put both of us on the spot.

[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, please.

[SPEAKER_00]: We must name what the, what the, what the, each of the, each of the alternate realities of, because there's one where the seatwear, this is a, this is a seagull from a world where all seagulls are vegetarian.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a

[SPEAKER_01]: Um, okay.

[SPEAKER_01]: We got the interpretive dance bird unit.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yep.

[SPEAKER_00]: Sure.

[SPEAKER_00]: Sure.

[SPEAKER_00]: One word one where we're where Seagulls do an elaborate uh, mating dance and that's the whole thing.

[SPEAKER_00]: It loves to dance.

[SPEAKER_00]: Mm-hmm.

[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, we've got uh, one of them.

[SPEAKER_00]: One of them does look markedly different, but like not in a way that is like immediately dramatic, but is obviously like CGI with DreamWorks face and that is for the DreamWorks universe.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

[SPEAKER_00]: There is a there is a bird there's a seagull here that has learned how to fly to such a degree that it has achieved the afterlife and has come back to teach its lessons that is correct.

[SPEAKER_00]: That is right.

[SPEAKER_00]: There is a Jonathan live Jonathan livingston seagull that is also here.

[SPEAKER_01]: Fuck Jesus Christ.

[SPEAKER_01]: All right, we got three more to three more.

[SPEAKER_01]: Three more to go.

[SPEAKER_01]: One of them is a hacker bird.

[SPEAKER_01]: She's got a hacker bird.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's got fingerless gloves on its talons.

[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't have any computers now, but if it did, it would, it was tight very fast and green words would show up.

[SPEAKER_00]: One of them is from a world in which I'm trying to think of like, if there are any other like incidents involving a bird in pop culture that like didn't happen.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, oh, obviously, obviously this this seagull version of the trader is unit, which is a world in which it was not in which it was not a goose that flew in the cellies engine.

[SPEAKER_01]: It was a seagull and for it, Joe, as long as we're going into worlds where it wasn't a goose.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's a seagull that hit Fabio on the roller coaster.

[SPEAKER_00]: There you go.

[SPEAKER_00]: There you go.

[SPEAKER_00]: We've got our set.

[SPEAKER_00]: all of these do emerge and we are now staring down like a and into the into the seagull verse.

[SPEAKER_00]: This sucks, man.

[SPEAKER_01]: I got to say it's way worse now.

[SPEAKER_00]: It feels way worse.

[SPEAKER_00]: It escalated in a very big way.

[SPEAKER_01]: I got to ask this.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is not your first time to do in one of these one of these loops and another Randy Jazz universe.

[SPEAKER_01]: Do you find that this is how it goes and it gets way worse fucking a seemingly

[SPEAKER_00]: I know that the Fates act against us and wanting to enact the canon event that is Randy Johnson killing a bird with a baseball.

[SPEAKER_00]: I must say this is the first time that we have been faced with an antagonist force.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I think as I'm explaining this, seven, seven multiversal seagulls descend upon me and I am viciously pecked.

[SPEAKER_01]: I got a laugh.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't think you're in any danger.

[SPEAKER_01]: I am going to be like, okay.

[SPEAKER_01]: How about this?

[SPEAKER_01]: How about this?

[SPEAKER_01]: No one's going to ask us to pitch.

[SPEAKER_01]: What say you?

[SPEAKER_01]: We like forcibly kidnap Banceladdam's unit.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, we're not going to go to jail.

[SPEAKER_01]: We're going to go back to one on universes.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is fine.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think like mid-pack like I point and like grab him.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think he's like solemnly like, you know, not doing the sort of pitcher or jog to the mound is sort of like solemnly almost Charlie Brown walking to the mound with a knowledge of weight.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's a gallows mark, which is what it is.

[SPEAKER_00]: It is a, it is a like I, you know, the crowd is in the stand like the crowd is starting to seat down and the pitcher's heading towards the mound.

[SPEAKER_00]: uh... the catcher settled in jerry collangelo and bill britley are in the owners box are watching solemnly like you know we are we are the game is nye and i think like it is like i give a point and like grab him and run i will i will fend off i will fend off the opposition okay

[SPEAKER_01]: I love this idea and I have my idea of how it's going to affect this change because I'm on the top of the stadium.

[SPEAKER_01]: He's on the mound.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's going to be a while so I can get down there, especially considering that I cannot make more fun to a bird.

[SPEAKER_01]: I try maybe it happened.

[SPEAKER_01]: No, still can't.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to become, I'm going to

[SPEAKER_01]: land on fancy latem units neck go into his uh uh uh uh uh go inside of his uh baseball uniform and sort of like wriggle around in there so that he's all tickly and freaking out and can't play baseball.

[SPEAKER_01]: What do you think the role for that?

[SPEAKER_00]: I, now Tom, I don't want to dictate your actions for you, but I did think that you were going in a different direction and I do want to pause it that when you said wriggling inside his, I did think that you were going to say inside of his hat.

[SPEAKER_01]: No, no, no, it's okay, it's because I knew like I knew someone with a sugar glider as a pet and like you can put them put them under your shirt and they crawl all over you and it feels weird.

[SPEAKER_00]: Let's put a pin in a ratitoey situation and hold on to that if we need.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, maybe that's my next thing, but what is my role for what I'm fucking doing here?

[SPEAKER_00]: That feels like a...

[SPEAKER_00]: What this is such an interesting, I mean, it's not big because it's not big or small, maybe this is maybe you're bending the rules right like you are this feels like, uh,

[SPEAKER_00]: I think no, actually I'm going to call this pitching because like what I think the challenge is to get into to get into his shirt like this is Oh, yes, this is lighting piloting you are pitching your body in a very real way.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, especially because you're a sugar glider You're not flying you are gliding which means you are pointing at a direction and sort of he pulling yeah, and if the wind if the wind should Should should blowing off course this little I can do I'm rolling

[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, baby.

[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yes, Jeff, get strap in.

[SPEAKER_01]: You got some stuff to say.

[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.

[SPEAKER_01]: Here's why.

[SPEAKER_01]: I fucking failed.

[SPEAKER_01]: I got an 11.

[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.

[SPEAKER_01]: Then I'm gonna.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna hold up.

[SPEAKER_01]: Wait, wait until you hear this.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yep.

[SPEAKER_01]: I got three friction.

[SPEAKER_01]: So a minor danger must as a result of this show up to threaten our harm us.

[SPEAKER_01]: For example, a mugger, the cops, a flash flood, you are forced onto the diamond by angry teammates.

[SPEAKER_01]: Something, a major, a minor danger, not intervening, it's danger, is the result of this.

[SPEAKER_00]: Well, then I am taking what I just suggested to you and positive it, not as a plan for you, but as an antagonistic force, which is, Randy Johnson starts scratching and flailing

[SPEAKER_00]: And like, he freezes and gets into a picture position.

[SPEAKER_00]: And like, you know, you can, you can, you can tell your irritating his body, but like his body isn't reacting.

[SPEAKER_00]: And there's almost like he's pulling against his own body.

[SPEAKER_00]: And that's when you see out from the edge of his baseball helmet, his picture's cap, a tiny, a tiny, a tiny mouse's tail.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, this entire, and we see a series of flashes.

[SPEAKER_00]: an entire story has played out over the course of this of this uh... movie that we've been watching while we've been doing this bullshit on the roof there has been a mouse there has been a mouse this entire time there is entire light he has lived in this stadium and he is dreamed of baseball

[SPEAKER_00]: we have watched this mouse dream of being of playing baseball.

[SPEAKER_00]: And on the day when Randy Johnson walked out and said he will not play for the desert bears, this mouse said, I cannot allow this soon to be MVP this soon to be Hall of Famer to miss a game and maybe put his career in jeopardy.

[SPEAKER_00]: I alone as this plucky young mouse can save the game of baseball by climbing into this military knee Johnson's hat and controlling his body.

[SPEAKER_00]: We see all of this has played out like it's the it's the it's the it's the thing where you watch you watch back a bunch of scenes and then they do a zoom Jeff can I yes yes yes and the mouse has been watching the whole time can I add one more twist yes

[SPEAKER_01]: This isn't just a mouse, this is the striving unit, Randy Johnson from a universe where everyone is mice, and he was the only Randy Johnson in the multiverse who did not kill the bird because mice are too small to play baseball.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's sort of an evil Randy Johnson who wants to kill the bird.

[SPEAKER_00]: We've introduced an antagonistic Randy Johnson who's so desire is to, is to, is to, is to feel the blood and see the explosion.

[SPEAKER_01]: Is this not exactly what we've predicted when the third Randy Johnson appears?

[SPEAKER_01]: We thought we had a handle out of that to be Randy Johnson, but sometimes it's a mouse who wants to kill the bird.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so, okay, so each of us now are staring down in antagonistic force, I am staring down a multiversal squad of Seagulls, you are face to face underneath the Antelod of Units hat with the striving unit, the evil Randy Johnson who wants to kill a bird with a baseball.

[SPEAKER_01]: I say to the striving unit like you are so fucking lucky I can't turn to a bird or I would like fly down and get you so what what is this man that is because you are weak and you will not you will you will you will face reality and I will achieve my destiny a bird is going to die today.

[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my god, what are you doing?

[SPEAKER_01]: What are you doing?

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm on the roof with these seven.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think I am.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think I, I, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to call to roll pitching.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I set my baseball at 10 and I've not rolled at what's because I do think that pitching is the thing that I'm doing.

[SPEAKER_00]: Because I think I am, I think I don't want to fight like the, the traitors unit does not want to fight these birds because that would be

[SPEAKER_00]: fulfilling my my my place like that would be if I have to fight these birds if I have to enact violence upon a bird then I I have proven that the multiverse that even if I even if I stop Randy Johnson I still hold place in the multiverse as the trader is unit.

[SPEAKER_02]: I must use it with these birds.

[SPEAKER_00]: I must met them understand that like I and that we together can find a reality in which neither of our fates are locked in and that we are not bound by these canon events.

[SPEAKER_00]: We are not bound by the multiverse of logic and that like I want to work with them because I am one.

[SPEAKER_00]: I am one with them while also being one with the Randy Johnson.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's a four.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's a four.

[SPEAKER_00]: What is the meaningful moment that occurs between me and these sea girls?

[SPEAKER_01]: Gosh, who is the one that is most likely to?

[SPEAKER_01]: I can say the hacker bird.

[SPEAKER_01]: The hacker bird finds, has, he's the one that sort of, the hacker bird did as the rest of them have been around you swish away, but he's back now.

[SPEAKER_01]: And the reason he swished away you see is because he was getting an era appropriate blackberry with a,

[SPEAKER_01]: Keyboard.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, we see a whole.

[SPEAKER_00]: We see a sequence.

[SPEAKER_00]: We're Jericho Logiolo, like tap, so where's my black bear?

[SPEAKER_01]: Exactly.

[SPEAKER_01]: So that it can communicate with you.

[SPEAKER_01]: So all the words that are going to get spoke and get tight, but I'm going to speak them.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is just a, this is like in hunt for red October where they have them speak in the beginning, but then they're like, come on.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it says,

[SPEAKER_01]: You two are a struggle against fate.

[SPEAKER_01]: Traitorous, traitorous unit, indeed.

[SPEAKER_01]: We often find ourselves struggling against, we all know that our fate is to be killed by Randy Johnson's horrible ball, thrown at an incredible speed, all of fame speed, really.

[SPEAKER_01]: And,

[SPEAKER_01]: in the bird community.

[SPEAKER_01]: It is an honor, a privilege, and a grim reality that we all accept as immutable as the laws of gravity.

[SPEAKER_01]: But much like how the law of gravity can be bargain with with our beautiful wings.

[SPEAKER_01]: You have made us think that perhaps

[SPEAKER_01]: There is some beauty in struggling against what must be.

[SPEAKER_01]: Why, you've not convinced us that it will not be, but we will no longer go gently into the fate that has been chosen for us.

[SPEAKER_01]: Indeed.

[SPEAKER_01]: I might even say that you've redeemed your self-trader as unit, but I only might say that because who knows what didn't a fucking happen after this.

[SPEAKER_00]: Um, Trader is unit like extends his wing and like we get the we got a shot of the predator hand shake, but they're wigs.

[SPEAKER_00]: Two beefy wings.

[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, I love it.

[SPEAKER_00]: I love it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Meanwhile, uh, underneath underneath the Ansel Adams unit's hat, Randy Johnson stairs down Randy Johnson as a mouse.

[SPEAKER_00]: And it appears to be, oh, I just turned to cat.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm more into a cat, so from everyone's perspective, Randy Johnson is just on the now and getting ready to pitch and such and his hat starts to bulge and lift off of his head as there appears a full ass cat on his head and I'm going to swap at the the fucking mouse on his head and try to try to get him now that's big that's the most big that I've ever heard

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I can't bigger than mouse.

[SPEAKER_00]: Well, here's my thought, um, no, no, you're right, you're right.

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, what do you got?

[SPEAKER_01]: You want to hear your thought?

[SPEAKER_01]: I was going to say it's baseball, can try and tag him out.

[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, you know what?

[SPEAKER_00]: I do, I do like that.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, also because I just want to fail because that's one of the funny stuff happens I don't want to win because then there's not funny and that's good because I rolled a eight which would have been a success with big, but it is a failure with baseball.

[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, oh, it's that uh, it's that, uh, cat is bigger than mouse, which unfortunately also means that mouse can fit on cat's hand.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, fuck.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm ready to do it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Now you've been ready to do it.

[SPEAKER_01]: I go up I I look up trying to see the top of my head which is impossible but I want I'm trying to I'm trying to like address the mouse and I say if you can control me do you know how to turn it to a bird can you make me more of a do a bird with your attitude of ours I think uh it means into your large cat ear

[SPEAKER_00]: I, I do know this and I will like, sure that you will never ever know what it is like to be a bird.

[SPEAKER_01]: No, dude, dude, come on, we don't have to be like that.

[SPEAKER_01]: We're gonna, what is it gonna take for you to turn me into a bird right now?

[SPEAKER_01]: Once I do it once, I'll remember how to do it myself.

[SPEAKER_00]: uh... god i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i

[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, it's sort of a cheese stand alone situation that we're as we're seeing here unfold.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's a four.

[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, we did it.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't, yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's a success no matter what.

[SPEAKER_00]: I do think I have knocked Mouse Randy Johnson off of your head with a squad with a cadre of birds.

[SPEAKER_00]: as the, as the, as the batter steps up Randy Johnson started from having a cat on his head and like, we're in full control.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think there's a thing that happens.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I think like this is a, this is a big moment for you.

[SPEAKER_00]: There's a moment that occurs.

[SPEAKER_00]: Randy Johnson has just lost control of his body and a ratitude situation.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: A cat that emerged on his head.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_00]: Seven seagulls swept down.

[SPEAKER_00]: And a huge bird man and a huge bird man swept down snatches the mouse off of the cat's head.

[SPEAKER_00]: Uh, the seagulls have pulled that mouse away.

[SPEAKER_00]: We might never see what happens with that mouse.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's not going to be great.

[SPEAKER_01]: I cannot get interrupted what you're doing because I think that the protein unit seeing this would like go like, no, no, it's my only chance it's the only chance I have and like I would I would like jump at the birds to get them now okay back you know what then great I think this is a this is a big for sure

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: I got a 10.

[SPEAKER_01]: I matched it.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think what happens here because I want to set you up for this moment.

[SPEAKER_00]: Because I think this is the moment the entire story has been building doors.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, if it's what you think, I mean, obviously as soon as I started, I hope this would be what would happen.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think it is Randy.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think it is mouse Randy Johnson in his dying breath.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like what's a hand on your shoulder?

[SPEAKER_00]: You always knew you must simply allow yourself.

[SPEAKER_00]: You simply must look past the yips.

[SPEAKER_01]: And as I see the striving unit expire from his seagull, I look up to the sky stillcat.

[SPEAKER_01]: Stillcat, my eyes are weeping tears that cats are not capable of weeping because of their physiology.

[SPEAKER_01]: And we hear the strains of Nelly Furtados.

[SPEAKER_01]: And, as the chorus swells, I look deep into myself, close my eyes and when I open them, I'm a sequel.

[SPEAKER_01]: I can't believe it.

[SPEAKER_01]: I must have gotten it wrong.

[SPEAKER_01]: I flat my wings, and I find that unlike every other animal that wiggles their arms around, I fucking whiffed up, and I remember my training for being a sugarglider and flying squirrel, and I'm like, I can whiffed up and glide.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's fucking flying, and, um, well,

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to narrate what happens next chef, but I think we all knew from the very last two of you in the half.

[SPEAKER_00]: We flashed to a view screen centuries in the future and light years away.

[SPEAKER_00]: A group of burns in the in fucking dressed as a lot to the watcher are standing around the screen.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, in the infinite in the infinite.

[SPEAKER_00]: space of the multiverse.

[SPEAKER_00]: Certain things are accepted as cosmic truths.

[SPEAKER_00]: That on, well, wait, I lost the beat yet.

[SPEAKER_01]: Hold on.

[SPEAKER_00]: 24th of March to the other one.

[SPEAKER_00]: Then on the 24th of March, 2001, Randy Johnson would kill a bird with a baseball.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so it was across billions of worlds and across billions of seagulls and across billions of Randy Johnson's that Randy

[SPEAKER_00]: And it was our place to watch and to fight against, to fight against this reality, to put to accept it as a grim, as a grim certainty that we as birds would collide.

[SPEAKER_00]: And it was here at this moment on the 24th of March 2001 in the Ansel Adams universe.

[SPEAKER_00]: That that reality was changed and Randy Deonson did not kill a bird with a baseball, but Randy Johnson killed a Randy Johnson with a baseball.

[SPEAKER_01]: But fate is a curious thing.

[SPEAKER_01]: It is a curious thing, or in many ways, in many ways, it is defined by its perception, by lesser beings.

[SPEAKER_00]: And as far as they know, the Randy Johnson will have killed a bird with a baseball.

[SPEAKER_00]: But at this moment, a certainty of the universe has been changed and Randy Johnson did not kill a bird with a baseball, but a Randy Johnson with a baseball.

[SPEAKER_00]: And that is why we, the brave birds was to gather from across the multiverse to ensure that we do kill a bird with a baseball.

[SPEAKER_01]: the the the seagull Randy Johnson killed with a baseball TTRPG and the epilogue is the protein unit halo above his head in a little robe awakens in bird heaven and all the dead divers of the past there say it counted buddy you're one of us.

[SPEAKER_01]: And welcome to fall, buddy.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's amazing.

[SPEAKER_00]: And that's a great deal of bird with a baseball, the Randy Johnson D.T.R.P.J.

[SPEAKER_00]: Goddamn, dude.

[SPEAKER_00]: What fun?

[SPEAKER_00]: I like it.

[SPEAKER_01]: Tom, what was your favorite moment from play?

[SPEAKER_01]: It was the moment where, I mean, like I said, as soon as I write down, as soon as I wrote down, that he can't become a bird and wants to become a bird, I'm like, the ending has got to be he becomes a bird and then he is the bird.

[SPEAKER_01]: But I'm like, I'm not going to railroad it.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, that would be nice.

[SPEAKER_01]: But it's always, you always have to have a thing you want to do in the games, but like not be precious about it.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's just the thing that pushes you forward and you might find your push forward and something new and even more interesting.

[SPEAKER_01]: When I realized, oh, as soon as I said, like, can you rat it to me, me to do the thing in my body that makes me be a burn, just like, oh my God.

[SPEAKER_01]: And we're right at the end.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm at them on the mound.

[SPEAKER_00]: Fuck, this is so good.

[SPEAKER_00]: It all, all of the pieces worked out so well.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think for me, the thing that like, I was certain there's a thing that happens whenever you have like a comedic bit.

[SPEAKER_00]: that is built around like a phrase or a like an absurd thing that you think that by you think at a certain point you will uh you think at a certain point like the joke will stop hitting so that you can like you can move past it.

[SPEAKER_00]: The phrase killed a bird with a baseball

[SPEAKER_00]: never stopped make like every single time we would we would we would construct a device that let us back to I have killed a bird with a baseball.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yep.

[SPEAKER_00]: it paid me laugh like it got me every time we would build like a construct and then say uh and then say oh I guess uh again then then go and then end back it because Randy Johnson's gonna kill a bird with a baseball got me every single time I mean same but also in addition the whole the blank unit construction brilliant

[SPEAKER_00]: unbelievable maybe this was like a RPG that you did like seven sessions of i think i would still i would still have every time i was like this is the this is the this is this unit and this is what is different about this randy johns

[SPEAKER_01]: it's it's very much the joke of like the this feature I'm like cowboy universe.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, when other universes have an obvious gameic, let everyone does.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, that's funny.

[SPEAKER_00]: And also like when an unexpected like second joy for me of the game was I'm sure you came across as to to you into the

[SPEAKER_00]: every time like I was like, oh, I have to look something up.

[SPEAKER_00]: I have to like, uh, I have to Google something to find a detail about the life of the real Randy Johnson or about who actually owned the Diamondbacks in 2001.

[SPEAKER_00]: like every single time I was like let me find something real quick uh... let me let me find something real quick it always made me laugh and then also uh... when i found on randy johnson's Wikipedia page that he actually has a second career as a photo journalist and then you hit oh you're the answer that he's unit like knocked me dead

[SPEAKER_01]: I think he does, um, to dance a lot of, do, landscape, smoke, sweat, yeah.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's not a one to one, but it's a famous American photographer.

[SPEAKER_00]: We're close to the beat, which I think was what we needed.

[SPEAKER_01]: That was so good.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, there was never any doubt, but holy moly.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, man, this was, this was perfect.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm so glad that we got to do this.

[SPEAKER_00]: This was a joy.

[SPEAKER_00]: Real quick, before we wrap things up, we're gonna people find you and your work on the internet.

[SPEAKER_01]: anime sickos podcast is found and any sort of place where a podcast might be would you know because you're listening to one right now you can go to anime sickos dot com that is all the stuff I'm on blue sky I'm Tom Harrison at blue sky I got there early so there's no numbers I got the base version I know on your on Twitter and have not been for years on account of the evil okay I think you will sure

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and my second is also on blue sky and my second is that blue sky to social.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's pretty much it.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, it's good.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's good.

[SPEAKER_00]: It is it is genuinely, uh, it like special.

[SPEAKER_00]: It is a podcast I've shouted out in every single opportunity that I get the chance because it fills me with intense joy.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's great.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm probably going to rant more about it in the intro and outro so if it's not myself I'm ranting about it here.

[SPEAKER_01]: You could you know what you should do actually listener What you should do if you haven't already listener is listen to episode 167 Vanamacicos podcast the sickos steal the chrono trigger Which is a one shot RPG adventure GMed by

[SPEAKER_01]: Huh, am I reading this right?

[SPEAKER_01]: Jeff Stormer of the Party of One Podcast.

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, it has to be your only appearance.

[SPEAKER_01]: There's no way that you were also on anime secos for episode 231, the walk hard episode.

[SPEAKER_01]: We watch the great comedy classic walk hard starring Juncie Riley.

[SPEAKER_00]: incredible yeah go listen those episodes uh they are phenomenal i will link them in the show notes uh this was such a joy uh i'm absolutely beaming and for now i'm gonna throw it over to me in the future so that you can wrap up with the show take a future me thanks past me and thanks again to Tom for coming on to the show that game was

[SPEAKER_00]: breathtakingly silly and breathtakingly dumb and was an encapsulation of like everything that I love about comedy and games and the very silly spaces that you can go when you have absolute confidence in the person that you are telling a story with to follow you to the most unhinged ends of the earth.

[SPEAKER_00]: There is a reason why Tom Harris and why the anime sickos, why Tom and Joe are two of I think the greatest people in podcasting and it is because they have an incredibly keen understanding of not just what is funny, but what is insightful, what is real, what is like, and how to blend all of those things together into something that is truly magical.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I think this episode, a perfect encapsulation of that fact.

[SPEAKER_00]: Be sure to hit do rap master games that is.io to pick up your own copy of don't kill a bear with a baseball and be sure to hit to anime sickos.com to check out my favorite podcast in the world anime sickos.

[SPEAKER_00]: A podcast for brain geniuses and the only podcast.

[SPEAKER_00]: Party of one is produced and edited as always by Jeff Stormer and Jen Frank music for the show comes from the song Infinite Lives by Mega Rain featuring the D&D sluggers in the party of one logo is by Evan Rowland.

[SPEAKER_00]: If you'd like to inquire about advertising rates coming on this show as a guest or about press coverage of the show you can email us at party of one podcast at gmail.com and you can always find new episodes of the show.

[SPEAKER_00]: Newsletter links and other such goodies at party of one podcast.com.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's all we do here so until next time, thank you so much for listening.

[SPEAKER_00]: Remember to fight the forces of fascism every single day.

[SPEAKER_00]: Remember that self-love and self-care are radical and defying an acts of resistance and as always.

[SPEAKER_00]: Party on everybody.