Emperor Palpatine Starts a Trade Crisis in Hell

Emperor Palpatine drops into Hell to gossip about Darth Vader and casually spark a trade crisis that could end in a full-blown coup. Featuring Alex Damon from Star Wars Explained!

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Produced and hosted by comedians ⁠Chris Demarais⁠ & ⁠Blaine Gibson⁠ from Tales from the Stinky Dragon, Rooster Teeth, & Black Box Down. 

Edited by ⁠Nicholas Newton⁠. 
Art by ⁠Andrew Douglas⁠.

Speaker 1: Good morning for Hell. That's you, good friend Clayton Live

from Hell as Usual with Chris Chris.

Speaker 2: Hello, Hello, if you don't know, I'm dead, and my partner,

if you don't know I'm dead, and take it again.

Speaker 1: Yeah sorry. I like to rub my finger on Chris's

lips a ton of times. Sometimes it worked really well.

Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm dead and my eternal punishment is to do

this podcast or we interview everyone in Hell with Saine's

little brother Clayton, that's me. Yeah, so we've been having

an issue.

Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. We don't often talk about these kinds of

things with their audience, but Chris go ahead, because I

think we need to be transparent. Yeah, all of our

merch is jammed up. It's all tied up.

Speaker 2: We're not able to deliver it. We've got a bunch

of new merch storedug good Morning from hel dot com.

But it's not being able to delivered.

Speaker 1: Just so many trade negotiations and just like red tape

that we've got to cut through. And it's like when

you think about this is a fantastical show. We have

all these crazy colorful characters, and then it's like, oh,

this is kind of what are they talking about trade

negotiations and for but like these are the real issues

that the audience I feel like should be aware of. Yeah,

but Chris, I might have a fix. I might have

a fix for this. I'm gonna be bringing in a

guest today, audience, don't click away. It's gonna get a

little bit more on the logistical side of things. But

this guy is kind of an expert when it comes

to trade negotiations and shipping lanes and things like that.

He's also got some other experiences and other evil sectors

and places as well. Okay, Chris, do you know who

the guess is for today? Go ahead, take a crack

at it. Boris Johnson? No, fuck no, absolutely not. He

is down here, but now he's still alies is he?

Is he a deemon? I can't comment. I can't comment anyways. Hey,

introducing Emperor Sheep Palpatine.

Speaker 3: Hey, oh, thank you so much for having me, My lord,

my dark lord.

Speaker 1: It's so good to see you here. How was your travels?

Did you travel far?

Speaker 2: Oh?

Speaker 1: I fell quite a distance.

Speaker 3: I was thrown down a reactor shaft as you know,

again again.

Speaker 1: With the reactor shafts. Emperor Palpatine.

Speaker 3: Look, I've died many times. I've fallen. My Granddaughta killed me.

I was trying to make part of the family.

Speaker 1: She didn't want it. Now I'm back, I'm back here.

You gotta get some taller railing. Yeah, you gun's see

to get some guardrails. What's up with that?

Speaker 3: Absolutely not no, no, that was the first thing I

got rid of when I took power and destroyed the republic.

Uh huh, No more godrails. What's the logic behind no

more guardrails? Because you seem to have become victim of

no more guardrails? Briefly, yes, I was thrown over a godrail,

although if you note, yeah, there was a railing around

that particular shaft, there was fair fair.

Speaker 1: But I figure if.

Speaker 3: You're too weak to stand on your own, if you

fall down a bottomless pit in my death star, huh,

you deserve to die.

Speaker 1: You did lose one of your like little dark Akoli

guysmall sorry spoilers for a movie from nineteen ninety nine.

He got pushed out a hole, a chasm, a big chasm.

He deserved it. He gets cut in half by a paddawan.

Speaker 3: Yeah, no, no longer my prad this I see Okay, Well,

I'm glad you came in here from a galaxy far

far away, that dark, darkasm.

Speaker 1: Chris, you're geeking out, I can tell. Yeah, you know,

for propateine in the flesh, it's not very good flush,

it's very gray, glishies waxy. Yeah, I have looked better,

I admit. Actually, I don't want to focus on this

too much. Was this from that one upstart Jedi master?

What was that guy's name? That mace window? Nice window?

Speaker 3: Yeah, he blocked my force lightning and put it back

onto my face. And I you know, once you pop

your cats, it just it just kept on coming.

Speaker 1: I don't know how to turn it off. Frankly, Yeah,

well I think the look suits you. You look nice

and evil. I think you're looking great. But hey, in

for Palpatine, we have so much to get through. You

are a busy, busy man, you coming and going from

ruling an empire and cloning and and all that stuff.

So we won't hold you along. We got some issues, man,

with these trade roots and these trade negotiations, Like what

do we do about this? We got all of our

merched clogged up.

Speaker 2: First of all, the river dicks. Yeah, dicks aren't flowing. Nope,

So we're not getting anything down that river. The straight

up were moose right. Also, our merch is made with oil.

Speaker 1: Yeah, all of it's one hundred percent BPA. Yeah, so

what do we do? You were a senator in Naboo

and it was blocked off by the Trade Federation. What

do we do here?

Speaker 3: There's so much What you do, Clayton, is you seize

this opportunity to grasp more power. Okay, this is exactly

what I did. They're pulling straight from my playbook. Oh

it sounds to me like whoever's in charge your brother,

perhaps maybe he's not doing a very good job.

Speaker 1: Maybe it's time for new leadership. You know, my mom,

Lucy fer always said it was like the rule of two.

But I'm starting to think that one of us was

a piece of shit and number two and then the

other one's a good brother. Me. Yeah, so you're the

number one, I'm number one. He's I'm the I'm the

Jedi master, Sith master. Here's the piss. Yeah, he's the

you know, I'm a Sith. He's my padawan. So yeah,

so tell us about how did you start out as

a senator in Naboo and then now you're running an

entire galaxy up with that.

Speaker 3: Listen, you start out, you look kind and appealing to everyone,

kind of like what you're doing right now.

Speaker 1: You've got this podcast. It's wonderful. What a comfortable studio.

Speaker 3: You build up a cult of personality, and then you

manufacture a crisis, okay, that you can then use to

prove how ineffective the Senate or in your case, the

current leadership is.

Speaker 1: Oooh, so you're saying even the Trade Federation thing, that

was all you're doing. You orchestrated all that nonsense exactly. WHOA.

Speaker 3: I became best friends with newt Gun Ray Hako and

Dulte Dope fiend.

Speaker 1: Love those guys. What's the guy's name. He's like the

Mecca dudes, and he sounds like he's beatboxing.

Speaker 3: Wat Tambore yes from the Techno Union. Yes, I love

that guy.

Speaker 1: Yes, he was one of my favorites. Yeah.

Speaker 3: Sometimes I would just make him play music with the force.

He didn't want to, and I would just dial him

up to eleven.

Speaker 1: That's awesome. I gotta visit the Techno Union sometimes.

Speaker 2: So you created a trade crisis. You're playing like five

D chess here, right, Yeah, at least, what was the

steps you took?

Speaker 1: Well, it's more like Sebak or something, Tobacca, I know

that's CODs. What is this chess? It's kind of like

there's like a game pad with like squares and checkers

and then you move these little pieces. There are nights

in it. I know you don't like Jena and Knights. Yeah.

Speaker 3: Oh this sounds like hollow chess of course. Oh yes, yeah, chess.

Never hollow chess. I understand.

Speaker 2: Sorry I didn't add the qualifier it was hollow. Sorry,

that's on me.

Speaker 3: Yeah, if I ever look confused, just try putting hollow

in front of whatever you're saying and maybe maybe I'll

get it.

Speaker 1: Okay, we probably will have clips of this episode on Instagram,

but I think that it would be like holograms. Oh yeah,

hollow gram Yes, yeah, yeah yeah, but yeah, no, you're

playing five D hollow chests, which I guess is technically

just hollow chest. Yeah, but how are you operating like this?

Plus you know you're working with like a split personality.

I mean, you just got so much balancing. How do

you do it all?

Speaker 3: Delegation? Quite frankly, really you have to start an empire.

But it doesn't happen on day one. I think you've

got a great start here already. You've got this Chris

fellow that you can probably delegate and you can just

keep him under your thumb forever.

Speaker 1: You got that part right, But I don't know how

much I can trust him with Let me look at

this guy. Have you ever dealt with someone so incompetent?

Like look at this guy.

Speaker 3: Hey, my first apprentice got cut in half. It's fair point, Chris.

Have you ever been cut in half?

Speaker 1: Yeah? Actually many times, mostly by Clayton. Yeah, but he

doesn't have cool robot legs like Mal though. Also, what's

your relationship like with Mal? Sorry, we're just going all

over the place, but I just so many questions ask you?

You guys ever keep in touch?

Speaker 3: Ugh, he's always trying to get my attention. I changed

my number, he finds it somehow. He's always trying to

find his own apprentices. He just did it again. I

don't know if you saw that new documentary shadow Lord.

Speaker 1: Yeah, what a loser this guy. Currently, I'm in the

market for like a new master. If you're in the

market for a new apprentice, I mean, where do you

stand on that right now? Do you have anybody in mind?

Speaker 3: Well, you know, now that I got down here, I

haven't really checked around. I hadn't even I wasn't expecting

to be here long. I have acolytes. They're working on

bringing my spirit back. Okay, but while I'm here, what

do you say, Clayton? Chris, are you in the market

for a masta?

Speaker 2: Well?

Speaker 1: I think technically, am I your padawan? Clayton? You're like

my padawan. But if we want to obey the rule

of two, I can cut this guy loose. He's nothing

to me, sir, he means nothing to me. I can

cut all earthly desires and things like that. Yeah, I'm

totally down to go on with your dark vision.

Speaker 2: So technically, yeah, you mostly have hellish desires, not really

earthly desires.

Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, so it'd be an easy cut. Clayton.

Speaker 3: I love the ambition. But Chris, have you not ever

once tried to usurp Clayton's power?

Speaker 1: Yeah? Chris, you ever tried that? Well?

Speaker 2: That is the way of evil, the way of the sith. Okay,

how would I go about usurp being Clayton? Well, you

start a trade crisis?

Speaker 1: Okay? Well got that? Oh? Was that your doing. Wait, Chris,

what is this you're doing? Did you call everything up?

All the logistics? Chris, I am rethinking everything about you. Well,

what ambition? All right, I'll admit it. I went to

go get my dick from the river, Dicks. But ah,

well I was there Sisyphus, the guy who has to

like push the big rock up the mountain and then rolls. Yeah,

he was there getting his dick, right.

Speaker 2: Obviously his is gonna be rock hard because of the rock,

and we bumped into each other. His stone fell into

the river. Okay, So like I might a clogged.

Speaker 1: You damned up the river Dicks, Chris, Sisyphus is even

a Star Wars character. All right, I'm trying to be

Scythephis all right. Uh huh. And then you're taking all

the attention. You're making him more impressed with you. This sucks.

This sucks, Chris. You betrayed me. Chris, I am so impressed. Okay,

So now what do I do from here? Well, you've

begun the crisis.

Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, Clayton has already proved that he has no

solution for the problem, So now you have to prove

that you have a solution. What Okay, and then you

take control.

Speaker 1: I'm sitting right here. Well, a solution for the problem, obviously,

is to what did you do?

Speaker 3: You started a war, right yeah, like in the stars,

another manufactured crisis. So the trade crisis, it was easy

to solve because I caused it in the first place, gotcha.

So then I had to hold on to my powers.

So I started a whole war.

Speaker 2: Okay, between the Republic and the separatists, right correct, And

you were controlling both of them.

Speaker 1: I don't even know what the equation for that would be.

He also took over the Supreme Chancellor the vote of

no confidence through jar jar Binks, as we know. Okay,

I need my own jar jar Binks. I think you

are jar jar Binks. Oh that's the closest cop in

the Star Wars universe that I can think of. To you, Chris, well,

can you speak on the theory that Jude jar Binks

is actually a Sith Lord? This again? Ugh? Is jar

jar down here? Of course? Naturally? Oh really?

Speaker 3: Okay, Well I'll have to check him out. He was

always kind of clinging on to me.

Speaker 1: Huh.

Speaker 3: Maybe he heard that I had lost mal and before

I had a hold of Dooku Jarja thought he could

worm his way in, but I said no, thanks buddy. Okay,

So there's the separatists, and that would be like the Claytonists, right,

and so I need to get a war between Clayton

his army, which would be me army of one against

who else? Would it just be Satan's forces? Ye?

Speaker 1: So me against all of Satan's forces.

Speaker 3: You already said you've been cutting half many times, so

you're very resilient. I feel that if you just set

your mind to it, you can achieve anything.

Speaker 1: Yeah, Chris, you're a real go getter. Assistant producer to

a middling performing podcast. Yeah, this is ridiculous. Well, but

you don't have to waste your time with this guy

is nothing. Well, look, the river Dix isn't flowing. We've

got all this great merch right. Uh, we got summer

stuff that was supposed to come last summer, but maybe

we'll come this summer, Okay.

Speaker 2: And then we've got why I'm going to Hell? No

pads where people could write down their sins. That's pretty cool.

Those actually are pretty cool. Yeah, and then why I'm

going to Hell? Coozies and glasses. You can acknowledge that

you have a problem while drinking your alcohol.

Speaker 1: It's actually pretty funny. Yeah yeah, but we can't sell

these yet. Over Its sort of good morney from hell

dot com until we open up, exactly because of people

under your control who created this trade crisis. I mean,

if you hadn't hired such incompetent people, you are the

incompetent person. And well done, Chris, Oh my god, it's working.

This is working too well. Oh my god. Okay, back

to your world, all right, we don't need to focus

on what's going on here. You've had mal, You've had Doku,

You've had Vader. Have there been any other apprentices that

we haven't known about that were just kind of like

non starters? They didn't really go anywhere.

Speaker 3: Well, I was always pitting Lord Vader against all kinds

of n'er do wells and potential replacements. No one could

live up to his power, but I had to keep

him on his toes, so I was constantly looking at

the next best thing. I once hired a man named

Silo to cybernetically enhance a number of people. I took

a mon Kalamari, you know, like Admiral Lackbar.

Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it's a trap. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, big

fish guy.

Speaker 3: Yeah, we took his head and we put it on

the body of General Grievous.

Speaker 1: That's real. That actually you can read that. That's cannon huh.

It is Okay, well that's creative. I like that. Thinking

clearly and stand up the vader though, tell us about

what are some of your favorite planets to visit. There's

all sorts of tattooing. Tattooing's a really big thing.

Speaker 3: You named the two worst ones really yeah, all snow

and all sand.

Speaker 1: I hate sand. Yeah.

Speaker 3: I was more of a scareff man. I loved the beach,

but then they blew it up.

Speaker 1: Yeah, so scaref that's like a really bougie spot for

like the Imperial ISB headquarters. Is there some like ulterior

motives and setting it on the beautiful beach resort planet? Absolutely?

Speaker 3: If I'm gonna go look at the death stop lands,

I want to do it with my toes and the sand.

Speaker 1: So were the short Troopers were they actually a specialty unit,

like military unit or were they more just like little

beach cabana boys that would serve drinks as well, cabana

boys with guns. That's awesome. It's no wonder that they

weren't able to push off that rebel uprising, because I

think their guns were probably just margarita machines.

Speaker 3: When I ask for a shot, I want a shot.

I see scare sounds beautiful. Oh I feel it right,

you feel the force?

Speaker 1: What's going on?

Speaker 3: Yes, the force is flowing through me. Okay, I have

to leave my acolytes. They've been successful, but I'm being

dis erected. Oh I'm getting out of this literal hell hole.

Oh congratulations. Okay, all right, well he's great.

Speaker 1: Have you on the show. I mean, I wish you

could have stuck.

Speaker 3: Around longer, but you know, this has been a nightmare

and I hope I never see you too again.

Speaker 1: Good Bye, Okay, goodbye, Burt Property. Wow, that's pretty cool.

Give a bit of a short episode, but you know

it's nice having them come by. Yeah, yeah, Hey, don't

give me ideas. All right, Look, I'm.

Speaker 2: Just saying there's problems that we need to deal with,

and what if we cloned you?

Speaker 1: What if we cloned me?

Speaker 2: Yeah, that would help with the problems that we're having.

You have more demon power at your hands.

Speaker 1: Uh huh.

Speaker 2: You could have a demon army. You get twice as

much done. We just need to clone you.

Speaker 1: Okay, okay, right. I don't know how this plays in

your masterplane, if there is such a thing, but you know, yeah, wait,

hold on, do you hear that? There's knocking at the door?

Oh you go get that. Oh somehow Palpatine's returned. Oh

you're back. I died and and too.

Speaker 3: It was a quick turnaround and to play not work

out like what happened if they put me in a

body just riddled with disease.

Speaker 1: Oh oh, I lasted about thirty seconds and it was agony.

Oh that's brutal. Well. I mean you could use that

and you can feed off it with the dark Side

or something like that.

Speaker 2: Speaking of things that you can use, I want to

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thanks Rich for being a great sponsor. So summer's almost

here and me and Clayton have been talking about going

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and help support our show by checking out Monarch. So Palpatine,

the Dark side of the Force. Is that something we

can access?

Speaker 1: Oh? Yeah, you need teaches some of cool sith tricks.

I've got the lightning that comes out of my fingertips.

I'll take it. That's pretty How do you do that? Yeah?

How do you do that? I just pointing? Oh wow,

Oh that was powerful. Okay, hold on, let me see

if I can. Ah, it's not it's not working. Sometimes

you need to rub your feet on the copt Oh okay,

I see. Is there some sort of like something with

my DNA that I need to get me to be

like a big force user? How do I get to

be so strong? You need the mediclorians Clayton medichlorians, Okay,

what is that?

Speaker 3: The tiny little organisms that help you communicate with the force?

Speaker 1: Okay?

Speaker 2: Are there supplements you could take like performance enhancing mediclor

Can they be injected?

Speaker 1: Yeah, like testosterone therapy, but like medicchlorian therapy. Can we

do that? Absolutely?

Speaker 3: If you go to my website you can find some

that's been synthesized from panther semen.

Speaker 1: Oh oh okay, cool? Is it blue colors? Yes, panther

come is blue? Okay, all right, I'm gonna put it

in a couple of orders out. Fuck the trade roots, Patine,

the trade roots are still blocked up. Oh god, where

is this winter rough Dix? If you look at the window,

it's right out there. If you look, it actually kind

of looks like Mustafar at the place you might be

familiar with.

Speaker 3: Oh, yes, my apprentice, Lord Fata set his castle there.

Speaker 1: Not the best spot when you think about it. Yeah,

isn't that way he got his legs shopped off? That

was hilarious?

Speaker 2: Yeah, so was he? Like I had such a great

time the first time I was here. I want to

go back.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 3: I thought it would be funny if he had to

look out and witness at the sight of his most

horrible failure every day he woke up and that was

the view from his window.

Speaker 1: Oh, he's like over there, that's where I choked my

pregnant wife. And over there that's where my master betrayed

me and cut off three of my arms. Yeah, huh,

that's pretty brutal. That's pretty brutal. Well, speaking of getting roasted,

Oh yeah, sorry, I'm just sow into this Palpatine interview.

So we're about to roast some of our audience members.

If you go over to our Patreon supporter Second Morning

from Hell dot com, you can submit your name to

get roasted. Just like this week, we've got James. James says,

I am big into video games, anime, D and D

and board games. Never heard that before, never had a

fan of the show. So they're into video games in

D and D, Well, you're really unique. Most I have

never played because I can't get people together. Oh that's

a sad modifier as D and D stuff. Really into

D and D. Sounds like you need to work on

your charisma score. There a couple more points. James also

says that they work on modern retro consoles, but they

die a little whenever they remember that the release of

the console now it's considered retro. So I think that's

James saying always old. Uh, speaking of dying, you'll probably

die soon, yep. James also says that he lives with

four cats in his parents. Are the cats all his

or his parents? I wonder how many cats his parents have?

How many cats are in this house? I wonder if

his parents like the cats more or him. You keep

saying this word cat. What's that cat? It's like a

furry creature with teeth and paws. Oh, like a loath cat.

Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, yeah, sorry, Oh great, okay, yes, of course,

loath cat.

Speaker 1: Very similar. Yeah. So what James does for a living.

He says he's a server slash cloud engineer for a nonprofit.

What the fuck's a cloud engineering? What's a nonprofit? None

of these terms makes sense. Server slash cloud engineer. Maybe

he worked on cloud City? Oh he works in best Bait.

Yeah yeah, Well, this guy sounds like the carbon opposite

of Lando Calarizian, because this guy's got zero charisma. James

goes on and tells us an embarrassing story about themselves.

He says, I am in my early thirties and still

sleep with a teddy bear. I had ten thousand dollars

in savings I swore I wouldn't touch, but I spin

it all in collectibles, in retro Japanese games and consoles.

I'm still not totally over the first girl I dated

in high school. I swear I have dated since and

am currently in a long term relationship. WHOA hope she

doesn't listen to this podcast, Jesus, James, without yourself there, James,

you've said too much. He really has. He told his

old master plan. He finished it up by saying that

should be enough material for you guys to work with.

If anything is too much James, Yeah, and he says

their anxiety's gonna skyrocket. What a lame name, James. Yeah.

Speaker 3: I hang out with people called Dooku and Poggle. Yeah, James,

what's your ship name all about?

Speaker 1: Get it together? Okay, moved on. We've got Husker Math.

Speaking of names, Husker Math.

Speaker 3: That's a name that sounds like a name that I

would be familiar with it.

Speaker 1: I'm gonna assume that they were a math major from

the University of Nebraska. That's all sorts of sad before

we even start getting into their information. A little bit

about Husker Math. I'm the typical self proclaimed nerd play team,

build computers, blah blah blah. Yeah, We've heard this one before.

Husker Math, I have a degree in mathematics. Oh okay,

there it is nailed it. I love to read fantasy

novels and spend a ridiculous amount of time with my

soul dog, my soul dogs sol dog. What's a soul dog.

Speaker 3: Their name is Shuska with a soul bound by this

dog like a spiritual animal.

Speaker 1: Yeah. They listen to Good Morning from Hell with me

on our way to work every day. So Husker Math

brings their dog to work. You know that's cool?

Speaker 3: Is it like a co pilot situation? Like han solo

and what does a dog?

Speaker 1: All? Right? That actually sounds cool? You get some points

back on that when they're at Nebraska Math. Husker Math.

Let me see what they do for a living. I'm

a grant manager for a very large animal shelter. Okay, well,

now I'm starting to feel bad about the whole dog thing,

basically begging rich people and companies for money to help animals. Fuck,

they're a good person.

Speaker 2: So when you bring your dog to work, is that

just kind of like rubbing it in the face of

all the other dogs there that you've adopted. Doesn't make

the other dogs feel bad.

Speaker 1: It's pretty fucked up, Husker Math, What do you make

in those other poor dogs?

Speaker 2: Then?

Speaker 1: I relate to that.

Speaker 3: As a sith master, you want to let everyone know

who's in charge and who has the power.

Speaker 1: I guess Husker Math is a secret sith lord working

for animal shelter. That's interesting. They have a memory here.

One time in high school, I was walking and looking

down at my phone, and when I got distracted by

a girl walking across the room, I walked directly into

a wall. It wasn't even a pillar, just a wall.

It was say, I never got her name. You know,

Husker Math, you might have gotten her name. You just

probably forgot it. When you've got a concussion bouncing your

head off for that wall, old saying just throw shit

at the wall. I guess you kind of did that.

They don't have the force, They didn't foresee that prophecy

them slamming their head against the wall. Well that was fun.

I'm glad that we talked to these people who support

us on Patreon and play video games and bill retro

consoles and kid computers.

Speaker 2: Yeah, Husker Math, maybe he should hit up James and

y'all can play dandy together, because he needs.

Speaker 1: Someone, James's entire need. So yeah, Husker Math, James, you

guys get together, maybe talk about that the first true

love that James never got over. That sounds just like Veda.

He was always whining up that, mabe. So thank you

to James and uscar Math. And once again, if you

want to get roasted on our show, I got to

do is follow us over at Patreon. There is a

link in there with how you can submit your name

to get roasted. We encourage you to do that. We're

running out of people to roast and we want to

shit talk more of you guys, So yeah, give it

a second. So Palpatine as an evil person, myself and

hopefully your next sith acolyte. I want to get into

master plans. Okay, you've got a bunch of them. Can

you run us through your highlight reel of master plans?

Of course, horse.

Speaker 3: My first idea was to rule the galaxy with the

death Star, a weapon with the power to destroy an

entire planet.

Speaker 1: Hell yeah.

Speaker 3: My second plan was to rule the galaxy with the

power of a bigger and slightly more powerful death Star.

Speaker 1: Oh what did you call that one?

Speaker 3: Well, it never finished, so I had just kind of

put death Star too.

Speaker 1: It was like a temporary name. Okay, Electric Boogloo, you know,

fores lighting, So yeah, that's fun. Yeah, Wellwatanic too, the

Unseekable starship. All right, after death Star two, what was

your big plan after that one?

Speaker 3: Well, we had started working on an even bigger ball

that was able to destroy multiple planets at the same time.

Speaker 1: Oh cool, it was that Death Star three.

Speaker 3: I wasn't part of the naming process. That was kind

of when I was laying low. Oh okay, and they

called it star Kular Base. Still hot star in there,

which is pretty rad.

Speaker 1: I guess, I.

Speaker 3: Guess it's not what I would have gone with. Yeah,

what would you have gone with?

Speaker 1: Death a Star? Okay? All right, I was thinking death

Star three, But death of your Star that's kind of cool.

You're more lethal. Yeah, so we got the death Star,

death Star two, Star Killer Base. What's that fourth thing? Oh?

Speaker 3: Well, after that, I had a bunch of star destroyers huh,

outfitted with tiny little versions of the super laser that

could also destroy an entire planet.

Speaker 1: But there were a whole lot of them. Okay. Was

there any sort of naming convention for those?

Speaker 3: They called them the Zeiston Class Star Destroyer. I don't

know where that came from. It's a little German if

you ask me. That's interesting.

Speaker 2: Yeah, huh, Well would you name it maybe something like

the mini Death Stars?

Speaker 1: Okay, okay, many death triangles, death triangles. That's fun, kind

of getting sound sound like band names. Fleet of Death.

Oh oh, fleet of Death. I like that. That's nice.

That's nice. Also good band name. But unfortunately these have

fallen apart. What was the crux of all these things?

How do they always spoil your plots? Your death plots?

Speaker 3: I didn't want to get into this, but I guess

at the end of the day, I'm afraid I'm a

bit of a one trick pony.

Speaker 1: Oh.

Speaker 3: I had one idea. I thought it would work, and

it didn't. So I was like, let's just do it again,

but bigger.

Speaker 1: Yeah.

Speaker 3: And the more I tried to force it, the less

it seemed to work.

Speaker 1: But you're so good with the force, you should be

able to force it. Good, it's good. I'm shocked that

they were able to foil you so many times. But

clearly you were going against like a crazy advanced foe. Right.

Speaker 3: I wasn't there at the time, but there was this

one farm boy who had never left his planet before. Ah,

and he got in his ship and it was unlucky.

Speaker 1: Shot.

Speaker 3: The force was very strong with it. And turns out

he was my apprentice's son.

Speaker 1: Ah. Nippo Baby.

Speaker 3: Yeah, the Nippo Baby, the second one. Ah, that one

never finished construction. So like the whole was even bigger.

Ships flew inside and meanwhile on the ground there were

these adorable creatures just wreaking havoc.

Speaker 1: On my stormtroopers. Oh, like the Wookies, like the big, big,

like eight foot tall like bear guys. Those guys.

Speaker 3: No, they were smaller, the Teddy Bear. Yes, that's what

I've heard they were called. They're not as cute as

you might think. They ate people.

Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you don't think about that. They're actually very

talented musicians too. Have you ever heard that track Yub

Nub It's pretty fucking sick. I think the Ewoks should

do a collab with the Techno Union and do a

remix of that. That's what I think personally.

Speaker 2: Going back to our trade crisis, Palpatine, because now that

I've created this crisis, I now need to be the

one that solves it.

Speaker 3: Have you considered building a weapon with the power to

destroy a boulder in a single blast.

Speaker 1: Oh, that's an idea. We could call it like kill

Star or something rock Star. That's good, Chris. You have

a knack for this now. I think that's a license.

Speaker 2: Okay, how long did it take you to build the

death Star? Because if I build the rock Star, you

know we got to get this march going quick.

Speaker 1: Yeah, that might take a while, like two decades. Okay,

we don't have that kind of time. Chris.

Speaker 3: There is a power even greater than that of the Rockstar.

I feel it than you.

Speaker 1: What the force? What force? Use your aggressive feelings? You

can lift the boulder. Chris, you're talking about this, Chris,

he has the force. Did you not hear him name

the rock Star that was inspired? I don't know. I'm

not that aggressive.

Speaker 3: Reach out with your fear and your anger. You do

definitely have fear.

Speaker 1: I think he meant metaphorically, stop touching my face. CRSs

stop stop. Sorry? Sorry? You want me to just like

lift it with the force exactly? Yeah, that'll happen. Sure, Yeah,

go ahead, Chris, reach out and do the.

Speaker 3: Oh, internalize your anger everything, Clayton says to you, use it.

Speaker 1: All right, audience. He looks really consipated. His hands are

reached out. He looks like that stupid kid from Stranger Things.

This is gonna go. No, Holy fucking shit, the boulder

it's working. Just trying to get my rocks off. Chris,

Is this a joke? Is it like this? Like? What

is going on? Oh my god, I can't do it.

Speaker 3: I can't stupid, only big in your mind, watch and learn.

Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's sorry. I have to make this noise.

That's okay, that's okay, it's really impressive. Whoa, whoa, he's

moving it all right. Yeah, the rivers you just drop

or wherever it's getting really close property. I'm gonna get

out of the way because this thing's coming that's right

above me. Guys, this is a little precarious.

Speaker 3: Chris, trust in yourself. I will let this boulder go

and you can hold it and save your friend.

Speaker 1: Chris. I need to focus, all right, use the dark side, okay.

Speaker 2: In three two one, I thought you're gonna go on

three two one go that's my bet.

Speaker 1: But Chris, yes, in a sense, you just killed your master.

Oh this is the way of the Sith.

Speaker 2: Wow, Hey, Palpatine, this has been a great having you on.

I've had so much fun, What a joy. He'll probably

get reborn as demons do, as the Sith do too. Yeah,

but I'll tell you what though, the trader routes are open.

We've all this great new merch it stored out good

Morning from Hell dot com and it's available, so go

check it out because that will help me and my

quest for power. Well, thanks Palpatine. Oh, looks like you're

getting revived again.

Speaker 3: Or well, Chris, I'm sure you would have made a

fine at print this, but quod lack on your own.

Speaker 2: Yeah, wo be sure to subscribe and tell your friends

anything else.

Speaker 1: Clayton, I guess that was technically hail Clayton. Hey guys,

thanks for join us for another episode of Good Morning

from Hell. Happy Star Wars Day if you're listening to

this on May the fourth, and we want to thank

our special guest Alex Damon for coming on from Star

Wars explained. Yeah, Happy Star Wars Day everyone. Yeah, Alex,

tell the people where you're coming in from, what do

you do and what kind of content they can check

you and Molly out in.

Speaker 3: Yeah, my wife Molly and I we run a YouTube

channel called star Wars Explained, where we talk about Star

Wars every single day. May fourth is a huge day

for us. Obviously. We just put out a video we

do every year that is a complete chronological timeline of

the entire Star Wars canon. It's over two hours long.

This year just keeps getting longer. But ah, yeah, that's

something that we love to put out every year. So

I'll just send people that way to our YouTube channel.

Speaker 1: So if you're a Star Wars fan, they should go

check out your stuff. Yeah, Alex, I've bumped into you

a couple of times. I think you said earlier you've

been into RTX, but like I can see you at

Star Wars celebration. You're so big in the community, and

I remember admiring you guys' stuff before, like knowing who

you guys were. So this has been a lot of

fun to collab with you man. Thank you.

Speaker 3: It truly was a lot of fun, like fun to

do something creative and improvisational and not just talking about

what happened in the comics and stuff.

Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, even though we still did Yeah, yeah, I

know we really did. You're like, ah, a break from

talking about stuff. Nevermind, Well we're gonna talk more about

I guess some Star Wars related sins over and Why

We're Going to Hell, which is our post show for

Patreon members. But yeah, thanks Alex for joining us for

this episode.

Speaker 3: Thanks for having me.

Speaker 1: Bye,